Heaven Baby

Jamb Question

PARARARA PARARARARARARA PAM PAM!!!!

"Oh my goodness!!!" Chioma yelled and jolted awake with a jerk. Her gaze darting around sharply.

"Wetin be dat??!!! Ehh??? What's happening??? What's going on here?!" She yelled again when the damn trumpet sound came again.

"What's—, mtcheew!"

Shoving the duvet aside, she got up "E be like say na downstairs this sound dey come from."

She glanced at the clock. 7:15 a.m.

"Who be that mad person wey dey make noise this early morning??!"

Pararara parararararara!!!!!!!!

"Ha, dem still dey blow am!"

Person no fit sleep wake up in peace again for this lodge?? Shey na all these werey girls abi landlord wahala, eh? which episode wey dey face this time around???

Abi angel don finally blow trumpet like this so?? Omo, no oo. I never ball finish for this life!

"And I suppose get class this morning oh!" She adjusted her bonnet that had shifted and was almost falling off her head as a result of tossing and turning in her sleep.

She picked her phone and unlocked it expectantly, only to frown in disappointment when she saw no messages and calls from a particular person.

"Heeii, so this boy get mind leave me yesterday make I go house by myself. Money wey I ask for e no still give me, bouncy curls I no see. The vex wey he vex me last week still dey, e no come call me for phone to check up on me or text me since... Haaa, audacity dey cry, Kai!"

Pararara parararararara!!!!!!!!

"Who...who be that mu-" She strode to the window, opened it and looked down.

Two guys stood there with trumpets, their cheeks puffing as they blew into the instruments like they had been personally commissioned to destroy people's eardrums.

"Come, una dey craze??!!"

They paused...stared up at her for a few minutes, stared at each other, then back at her.

"Oga you no dey talk?? I ask whether you dey ment?? Ehh? Who are you in that body?? Make I no hear that rubbish sound again!!" She slammed the window shut so hard the glass rattled.

But she had only taken a few steps away from it, when they started playing the trumpet yet again.

"Chineke mu o!! This guys dey carry me play. Oya nau!!" She went to the bathroom.

But...where Precious dey sha?

"Precious!! Precious oohh!!!"

No answer.... She called out again but still got no reply.

After quickly washing her face, Chioma brushed her teeth, then put on her facemask.

She drank her body-tea coffee, then went to Precious's room.

"Kpam kpam..." She knocked, and the door slightly opened, it wasn't locked.

She looked inside, but Precious was not in there.

"Where this one go kwanu?"

Pararara parararararara!!!!!!!!

Chioma felt her anger rising rapidly...she took deep breaths.

"Mmm...mmm...mmm...ha, blood go flow! E don reach when I go go jam those yeye boys...!"

But, first...

She smiled and walked to the mirror, "I have to look the part, no dulling moment for this side..."

She yanked off the bonnet, revealing the all-back mess beneath it, then quickly fixed her twelve-inch bone-straight wig. Off came the facemask. A swipe of lip gloss, a quick adjustment of her lashes... and a few touches...

"Ouu! Fine girl, no single spot. Na fresh babe I be nah! Hot babe! Who dey check am?? Haha!"

She did a brief dance and shook her butt before the mirror.

"Big Oma for a reason! See am nah!" She bounced her buttocks once more "Everything set! Hipolite na mad man-"

Pararara parararararara!!!!!!

"Nah thunder go fire you! Kaaa!!" She hastily straightened her night wear, grabbed her phone and stormed downstairs.

"Make I meet those mumu there first!"

She reached the end of the stairs and stopped...

Wait, the door has not even been opened sef. It was still bolted, that means no one is out yet...?

And these guys were busy—!

"Wahala!" She snorted. Unlocking the door immediately, she stepped out and into the compound.

Pararara parararararara paammm pam—

"Biaa heey!! Wetin dey worry you?? You dey on kolos?!"

They stopped as she kept advancing towards them.

"Una don mad before?! Why are you guys making a hell of noise nah??"

"See... see eh make... make I tell you. No be... no be..." The darker of the two stammered, clearly getting annoyed at her insults and query.

"Ehe, ehe...? I dey hear, no be wetin? Talk nah! No, no talk nah! Make I change am for you straight! That trumpet now, na your head e go loud next ozigbo!"

"You wey...you wey dey-" The other guy tapped him and eyed him. Signaling for him to shut up.

"Ohh you still dey talk?!"

"Leave me abeg! This...this girl no...no know..."

"Yes...?? I no know wetin?! Wetin I no know wey you fit know pass me?? With this your coconut head?? Enlighten me please..." She folded her arms.

Pararara parararararara paammm!!!!!!!!

The first guy blew it again, annoyingly this time. "I don vex! Stop insulting my brother please. Jega make we comot for here, no talk again!"

"Good! Oya dey go. Dey go fast fast! Before I stone you slippers!"

"Nye nye nye! You wey be girl? Ha you no fit do anything."

He tucked the trumpet under his left armpit, secured it with one hand, and placed the other on his waist.

"Where that her bobo? Make e come carry this his good thing wey he find comot for road and give us our balance!"

"My bobo...?" She paused and squinted her eyes at them. "Who be that?"

"Big Oma!!" Someone called out from their window. "Make you and stupid friends no dey disturb our peace!!"

Who be this one?!

She turned towards the person, "E say na peace. You get peace? You get peace like this?? You wey your village people dey pursue up and down dey follow mention peace. You're funny!" She laughed.

"Please you guys are noisy! No dey act like mumu!"

"Your mama! Mtcheew!" She replied the person and turned back to the guys. "Come una still dey look me--"

"Cam down babe, hm? Your blood too dey hot."

A guy walked out from the backyard holding a huge flower bouquet and grinning from ear to ear.

He was hard to miss. Glowing in a medium-dark complexion and well-defined face, sharp brows, a straight nose and perfect lips that seemed ever ready to curve into a flirty smile.

His natural hair was fully plaited in neat twists, swept back and held together with a black elastic at the back of his head. A fitted shirt stretched lightly across his broad shoulders, paired with black denim jeans and clean white sneakers.

He looked effortlessly put together, the kind of fineness that could make you forget, for a moment, that the owner was a complete rubbish human being.

"Hipolite...?"

She drew back, narrowing her eyes at him. So he still had the nerve to show up here? The bouquet in his hands didn't make him less suspicious and annoying.

"Yes babe."

She didn't speak for a few seconds and he chuckled, "Na me nah, my face change?"

"Wetin dey sup? What's this??"

"Ha, which kind jamb question be that one--"

PAAAAAAAA PAAAAAAAAA

A vehicle honked loudly and the gates were opened...

"Ahh, I guess they're here already." Hipolite said and guided her aside.

"Who are they?"

He didn't respond, just shrugged.

A car slowly rode in... jet-black... brand new... glossy... decorated with balloons, and blasting soft music...

"You could be my heaven baby

Die for you if you let me baby

You're an angel goddamn it baby

If you ever left this planet baby

Couldn't manage baby..."

A black placard covered the plate number:

I'M SORRY OMA.

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[Song: Ayra Starr ♪ Zayn -- Heaven Baby]