GULLIBLE AND NAIVE LOVE.

Chapter Three:The Dream

And on that night, the perfect little smile changed to despair. "Help, help," I screamed in my mind. Why was nobody helping. I hated this the most, the despair, the pain, the frustration and not once did I question my perfect memory on why it couldn't just act oblivious of everything.

The breaths became shallow, my chest hurt so bad. He was at it again, why?

" Let me go!!" I screamed.

"You will not tell anybody, will you?" the voice asked sweetly in my recollection. I nodded seemingly not noting that anything was wrong with everything happening but seeing as it was replaying frequently at my grown helpless mind. I screamed again, " you are not supposed to." Everything had happened ,,,,,,,,, it's been 7 years and I couldn't take it.

As i struggled the last bit of me I sprang off my bed from somebody bagging my door.

" Calm down," I whispered to myself. I needed to be composed. Nobody knew what I was going through, I smiled bitterly.

"You are a weakling," I mumbled, " get over it already it was just some basic touch" My lips twitched. Perhaps God was on my side. How many times had I prepared to end it like the coward and weakling I was? I couldn't count. Each time somebody would appear right before it ended and I would put a pause to it.

”Since you've been a kid you have been scared of your brother. I guess it's because he used to do scary faces at you as a kid, " the famous phrase replayed.

" You should stop laughing carelessly you'll be a mad person, " another phrase. I laughed. Because of him I couldn't have a normal life but to outsider I was a pampered last born.

I dragged my feet off the bed grabbing a set of clothes for change.

Because of him, I couldn't stay in the same room with any of my male relatives without being triggered and feeling so vulnerable but I masked it so well. I figured I overdid it because with time I realized I could not organize my feelings. I remember feeling the urge to laugh when people were feeling remorseful on the loss of their loved ones. Some would say it's nice to have no feelings but to me I wanted so bad to feel the emotions and Bruce made me feel that and it scared me. It made me feel weak all over sudden. The yearned emotions surfaced but they weren't welcomed.

I pushed my bedroom door opened; I shared the room with my 2 sisters but at that particular time I was the only one on break from school.

" Here comes the president," I mused at my mom' sarcasm. She never disappoints. I rushed to complete my day's chores I needed to be settled studying by 10am. The shelled bit of me worked robotically. I pushed the pain, memories and disappointment at the back of my mind and wore the emotion for the day; joy.