Rejected by One, Wanted by Another

Suffocating Silence

Lucy sat at a small wooden desk in the very last row of the history section, in the library. She was at a hidden corner where the overhead lights barely reached her. She kept her head down, her eyes tracing the same line of a textbook for twenty minutes without processing a single word. Every time the heavy front doors creaked open in the distance, her heart jumped. She was hiding, and she knew it.

She heard the footsteps before she saw him. She didn't look up, but the air around her suddenly felt charged, a shadow stretched across her open book, and then the chair across from her was pulled back.

Jonathan sat down and set a heavy stack of folders on the table and opened his laptop. The blue light of the screen hit his face, making the sharp angles of his jaw look like they were carved from stone. He looked tired, but his eyes were cold.

"We have three sections left to finish before the weekend," Jonathan said. His voice was flat, completely devoid of the warmth she had felt in his apartment. "I have already drafted the analysis for the first two. You need to handle the conclusion. If we work quickly, we can have this done in two hours."

Lucy looked at him, her chest aching at the sudden wall he had built between them. She had expected anger, or perhaps another desperate confession, but this cold distance was worse. It felt like he was erasing everything that had happened between them in the rain.

"Is that all you have to say to me?" Lucy asked in a whisper.

Jonathan didn't look up from his screen. His fingers moved across the keys steadily. "I think it is the only thing we should be talking about. We are behind schedule because of the weather yesterday. I would like to get this submitted so I can focus on my other finals."

"Jonathan, please," she said, finally closing her book. "You can't just act like I am a stranger. Not after the way you looked at me. Not after what happened."

He stopped typing, but he still didn't look at her. He took a slow, deep breath. "What happened was a moment where we both forgot who we are. I am a student here on a scholarship with a life to build. You are the future Mrs. Adrian Matthews. There is no version of this story where we talk about that kiss and things end well for you. I am doing you a favor by being professional, Lucy. You should do the same for me."

The words felt like a slap. Lucy felt her face flush with shame and frustration. She realized he was trying to protect her, but the way he was doing it felt like he was pushing her back into the dark.

"I don't want a favor," she said, her voice growing stronger. "I want to know why you are acting like you didn't mean it. You told me I deserved better than a man who leaves me in the rain. You told me I was royalty. Was that just something you said because I was shivering?"

Jonathan finally lifted his head. His eyes were hard, but deep inside them, she could see a flicker of the fire that had been there two nights ago. He leaned forward, resting his arms on the table. "I meant every word I said. That is the problem. I mean it so much that I am willing to be the person you hate right now if it means you stay safe. Do you have any idea what Adrian would do if he saw us like this? He wouldn't just hurt me. He would ruin your father. He would make sure you had nowhere to go but back to him. I cannot be the reason that happens to you."

"I am already ruined, Jonathan," Lucy said, her eyes filling with tears. "I am already in a cage. You showed me what it felt like to breathe for one night, and now you are telling me to go back to suffocating. How am I supposed to sit at a dinner table with him tonight? How am I supposed to let him touch me when I know what it feels like to be held by someone who actually cares if I am cold?"

Jonathan’s jaw tightened. He looked away, his gaze fixed on a row of dusty books on the shelf. "You do it because you have to. You do it because that is the life you were born into. I am just a guy with a bike and a few books. I cannot save you from a business merger worth millions of dollars. The best thing I can do for you is finish this project and stay away from you."

"I don't believe you," she said. "I saw the way you looked at him in the courtyard. You weren't afraid of him then."

"I am not afraid for myself," Jonathan snapped, his voice rose just enough to make a student at a nearby table glance over. He lowered his voice again. "I have nothing to lose. But you have everything. You have a name, a family, and a future. I will not be the person who takes that away from you just because I wanted to hold you for a few more minutes."

He turned back to his laptop and began typing again, even faster than before. The silence that followed was heavier than the one before. Lucy opened her own laptop, her hands shaking so much she could barely type.

They worked in that suffocating quiet for over an hour. The only sounds were the clicking of keys on their laptops. Every time their hands came close to each other while reaching for a shared textbook, Jonathan would pull back instantly.

Lucy realized then that she couldn't go back. She looked at the man across from her and knew that the quiet, obedient girl who followed Adrian’s orders had died in the storm. Even if Jonathan never kissed her again, the memory of it had changed the way she saw herself. She didn't want to be a trophy. She didn't want to be a solution to a debt.

"I'm done with my section," Jonathan said suddenly. He began closing his tabs and packing his books . "I will compile the final draft tonight and send it to the professor. You don't need to do anything else."

"Jonathan, wait," Lucy said as he stood up.

He paused, his bag slung over his shoulder and looked down at her. She saw the longing in his eyes, the effort it was taking for him to walk away.

"Don't go to that dinner tonight," he said.

"I have to," she said. "My father is counting on me."

"Then don't let him see you cry," Jonathan said. "Adrian feeds on that. He wants to know he has broken you. If you go in there, you keep your head up. You act like you don't need his money or his name. You be the girl I saw on that bike."

He didn't wait for her to respond. He turned and walked down the long aisle of books. Lucy sat there for a long time, staring at the empty chair across from her.

Lucy packed her things and walked out of the library. The evening air was clear. She saw Adrian’s car waiting by the fountain, she didn't hesitate. She walked toward the car confidently even though she knew the night ahead would be a nightmare, but as she opened the car door, she felt the folded piece of paper with Jonathan's number in her palm.