Unlikeable You

Chapter Six

Trigger Warning: mentions of abuse, suicidal ideation

“You’re not going, Ty.” Daniel retorted. He sat up and his eyebrows creased. Tyler shifted on his feet as he grew uncomfortable. “Did your dad call you? Is that why? I swear I’ll—” 

“Daniel, I have to go. Just please… trust me,” he pleaded. Daniel’s hard stare faltered.

Daniel sighed. He spoke softly, “Tyler… you know you can’t. Even if… even if he’s going after me—”

“I just have to, okay?” Tyler raised his voice. His friend looked taken aback. “Don’t worry about it.”

“How can I not worry about it, Tyler?” Daniel yelled back. “All I can do is worry about you!”

Tyler’s eyes started to sting. “I’m sorry—”

“And all you can do is apologize! I just… I just don’t want to see you hurt—”

“And I just want to keep him from ruining your life!” Tyler yelled. Tears started to fall from his eyes and Daniel hesitated. A look of confusion took over the latter’s face. 

“My life? Tyler, do you think going back there is going to make me feel any better?” Daniel asked.

“I don’t know! It’s safer if I go!”

“Safer? Tyler, do you hear yourself right now?” Daniel asked in disbelief. “What the hell is safe about going back there?!”

“It’s safer for you!” Tyler insisted. He paused. “If-if I just go back—”

“You’re not f*****g going, Ty!” Daniel cut him off. The two of them went quiet. Daniel let out a frustrated breath. He ran his hands over his face. “If he’s going after me, I don’t care. He can do whatever he wants—”

“He’s going to try and ruin your life, Daniel. How can you not care?”

“Well, what if things are already ruined now?!” he yelled. Tyler winced at the words and both of the boys’ eyes widened. Daniel had regretted his words as soon as he said them, but he knew the damage had been done. “Tyler—”

“Then maybe it’s better if I get out of your life now,” Tyler said, rubbing the tears from his eyes. “Maybe you’ll have enough time to fix it all up.” He went to grab his things and Daniel reached out for him. Tyler’s glare made his friend back away.

“Ty, that’s not what I meant... you know that,” Daniel said, apologetic. He looked at Tyler carefully, who was avoiding his eyes.

“It doesn’t seem like I know anything, Daniel. If I was ruining everything for you already, you should’ve just left me there,” Tyler said. He paused. “It would’ve been better for the both of us.” As Tyler walked toward the bedroom door, Daniel stood up to follow him. When Tyler reached for the door handle, they both stopped.

“Ty, please… don’t go back, okay? Just stay here and let me explain...”

Tyler opened the door. “I’m leaving, Daniel. I’m sorry for making your life so difficult, okay? Maybe if we don’t talk anymore... it’ll be a lot easier for you.”

He left at that, refusing to turn back.

As Tyler walked out of Daniel’s bedroom door, tears streamed down his face. He already knew he’d made Daniel’s life difficult, but getting the affirmation he had ruined it was hard to hear. Even if he said he didn’t mean it, even if it was slip up, Tyler knew there had to be some truth in his words. Luckily, Tyler didn’t bump into Ms. Barnes on his way out, so he left quietly.

On his way home, Tyler’s phone buzzed a handful of times. He chose to ignore it—they were probably all apologetic texts from Daniel, anyways. Tyler didn’t want to look. He was still trying to accept the fact he and Daniel had a fight. A bad fight. Daniel had never raised his voice at Tyler in that way before. He was Tyler’s solace, a person Tyler could go to any time he wanted… any time he needed. Now, Tyler didn’t think he could do that to Daniel anymore. All Tyler did was inconvenience Daniel—hell, he landed him in the hospital—and now Daniel had confirmed it. 

Tyler’s home wasn’t too far a walk from Daniel’s, but it was all the time Tyler needed to get in his own head. Even if Tyler was hurting, at least both Daniel and Tyler’s father got what they wanted. Tyler could just go home and—

A sob ripped from Tyler’s throat as he stopped walking. His father’s voice filled his head, and Tyler felt nauseous. He just wanted to disappear. He didn’t want to go home, he didn’t want to go back to Daniel and inconvenience him… he just wanted to stop. But, instead of him simply disappearing as he wanted, bile rose in Tyler’s throat. He held it back and grimaced at the lingering aftertaste. Tyler thought back to his father’s threats and a shiver rose up his spine. Even if he wasn’t going to talk to Daniel anymore, he still cared about him. Even if he wanted to be with him, he didn’t want to hurt him. Going home was the only way to ensure Daniel’s safety, Tyler understood that. So, even though he wanted to run away, even though he wanted to leave the world behind him, he needed to go home. Tyler continued walking.

Tyler opened the door to his house. It was silent. He looked around his immediate surroundings, seeing no signs of his father. Instead of looking deeper, he simply went to his room and closed the door behind him. He dropped his bag by the door and laid on his bed. He wanted to cry again, but didn’t need his father to call him a wimp or something-of-the-other once he got home. So, instead, Tyler just laid there—his mind so full yet so lacking of anything and everything—until he fell asleep.

Once Tyler woke up, the house was still silent. The window signaled that it was the late afternoon, the sun setting in a pinkish-orange. Tyler got up and rubbed his face, then went to the restroom. When he got inside and looked in the mirror, he scoffed. He looked like a wreck. Amongst his bed-head and eyebags from a shitty sleep, Tyler had red, puffy eyes and a bleak complexion. Of course, it wasn’t an unusual sight. Everytime his father had a bad day at work or had a bit too much to drink, Tyler would look in the mirror and see the same thing—although with a few fresh bruises and cuts. Tyler wondered when he’d see that image next. Today… tomorrow, maybe? Tyler wasn’t sure. It didn’t matter the date, he knew it would happen eventually.

After Tyler washed his face with water and relieved himself, he went back to his room. As he checked his phone—choosing to ignore the mountain of texts from Daniel—he heard the front door open. Typically, his stomach would flip or his heart would leap in his throat, but he felt nothing. Tyler couldn’t feel much of anything, if he was honest. He wasn’t sure even if his father were to hit him he’d—

“Tyler?” His father’s voice echoed through the home. Tyler stayed silent for a moment, mustering up whatever energy he had to give a response.

“Yeah, I’m here,” Tyler replied half-heartedly. He waited for another call-out, but instead his door opened. When his father entered, Tyler looked up.

“Wow, you look like shit.” His father chuckled. Tyler didn’t respond. He just made eye contact before looking away. His father sighed before walking closer. He firmly patted Tyler’s head. “Good choice coming back, kid.” Then, he walked out and shut the door.

Tyler stayed silent until he heard his father go out the back. Once the door shut, he felt a wave of anger rush over him. He slammed his fist against the wall. “f**k!” he yelled. He buried his face in his pillow, yelling again. “f**k! f**k! f**k!” Tyler didn’t want to be there, he didn’t want to be anywhere. Anger filled every fiber of his being, more than dread, sorrow, or anything else in this very moment. He wanted to ruin his father, he wanted to kill him. He wanted him to regret ever laying a hand on him, ever laying a hand on his mother, ever laying a hand on Daniel. But Tyler couldn’t, he knew that. His father would always overpower him, no matter how hard Tyler tried. So he could only sit with his anger and the stinging of his left hand. With the c***k in the wall and the small trace of blood on it. Tyler wondered if he could suffocate himself with the pillow. If he could just die and not have to deal with any of it. So everybody didn’t have to deal with him. Maybe then, everybody around him could live in peace. It’d be easier that way.

Tyler sat in his bathroom, his ointment sitting on the counter as he fixed up his left hand. His anger had subsided a while back, buried deep in his mind amongst his other emotions. Maybe it would come back, maybe it wouldn’t. Tyler didn’t care anymore. He felt miserable. Miserable about being in his house, miserable about earlier that day, everything was just filled with misery. His stomach growled as a reminder he hadn’t eaten that day, but the thought of food made him sick. His father had given him food earlier, but he had just thrown it up afterward. He felt dizzy from it—that with a combination from not drinking water—but he didn’t care. Instead, he just finished up in the bathroom, put everything away, and went back to his room. The sun had disappeared a while ago, and Tyler had school tomorrow. He didn’t want to go, but he knew the consequences his father would give if he didn’t. So he just laid in his bed, wide awake, and waited. Then, sometime after mapping out the cracks in the ceiling, Tyler’s phone buzzed. He didn’t want to look—his body screamed at him not to move—but the ceiling wasn’t too interesting, so he did. 

He opened his messages to a wall of texts from Daniel that had rung throughout the day. Most were from when he’d just left. Strings of apologies and attempts to get Tyler to come back alongside asking if Tyler at least made it home okay. The latter made Tyler scoff. Amongst their fighting and harsh words, Daniel still managed to ask if Tyler made it home okay. That’s just like him. Tyler almost smiled at the thought but suppressed it as he kept reading.

Daniel: Tyler, please at least respond so I know you’re okay

Daniel: You know I didn’t mean it, I know you do, I would never say something like that and mean it

Daniel: I was just frustrated and I know that isn’t an excuse and what I said wasn’t okay but at least hear me out on a call or something.

The messages continued in a similar fashion, and usually, Tyler would love the spams he’d get from Daniel but now he just felt… sad. Maybe he should’ve stayed back, maybe he should’ve at least let him explain. Maybe he shouldn’t have gotten him involved in the first place and just left. Tyler knew he was hurting Daniel. He knew that Daniel was probably up worrying about him, wondering if he should risk coming over or not. Wondering if he should sneak through Tyler’s window and console him as he had many times before. Wondering if Tyler would even let him in. The thought made Tyler upset, too. He didn’t want to hurt Daniel… far from it, actually. He wanted to relieve Daniel of the pain he’d caused, relieve Daniel of him. Tyler thought he should at least message back, just so Daniel could rest easy. 

Tyler read the last of the messages before he figured out a response.

Daniel: I’m really worried about you, Tyler, so at least message me back

Daniel: Even one word is okay, I just want to make sure you’re safe

Daniel: As safe as you can be while you’re home, I guess

Daniel: I’m gonna stop spamming you now in case you’re sleeping but just know that I love you and I’m sorry.

The last message caused a small jump in Tyler’s chest. He and Daniel exchanged friendly ‘I love you’s on occasion, but its recurrence never faltered to have some sort of reaction from Tyler. Tyler had always meant it in a completely different sense, but it still felt good all the same. Even in this moment, Tyler thought about how much they cared for one another. His mind drifted off for a moment before he finally issued a response.

Tyler: I’m fine, thanks, love you too.

Despite him and Daniel being in the midst of a fight, Tyler could never deny the fact that he loved Daniel. Even if Daniel hated him, Tyler could never stop. He hoped that the response made Daniel rest easy, even if they wouldn’t be talking for a while. Daniel would probably try and pull Tyler away at school to talk, but they both knew Tyler needed to attend class so it would be too short. Despite wanting to admit it, Tyler had already forgiven Daniel. He didn’t necessarily believe him, but he forgave him nonetheless. Tyler shut off his phone and looked back up at the ceiling again. Now he just had to wait for the sun to rise.