See You Again

CHAPTER 9. Heart Pounding

-Liam-

Yesterday was interesting and a bit overwhelming I'll admit. I didn't think that I will still be able to hold and use something so dangerous even though it's just a knife. My mind, body and heart are in turmoil so I'm not sure what to feel about what Madison made me do yesterday. In my mind it says I should stop because I'll just disappoint myself in the end. While my heart is also still afraid and doubted everything I do. On the contrary my body opposes and I found myself cutting the damn cucumber. What a turn of events.

To add with that although my eyes can't see, but to feel Madison so close to me made me imagine that certain moment. It didn't make my heart flutter but I did froze on the inside my mind went blank for a second. Her head reaching my chest I can still remember the alluring scent of vanilla on her hair. It's comforting but also distracting.

Her soft delicate small hands above my own brought a familiar sensation in my heart. That time I notice my heart thump a little faster than normal but chose to ignore it. I realize her actions are trying to gently tore down the walls I built in me. Her small self demanding to make her way on my closed door. Am I going to let her? No.

I heard my alarm go off indicating that it's now 7:15 in the morning. A deep sigh left my mouth already drain of energy. I don't want to do anything now and the rest of the day to be honest. But I remember I have a guest in the house who's going to come in 45 minutes later, so I forced myself up and decided to take a bath.

After I'm done I heard a soft knock on my door "Liam, breakfast!" Madison exclaimed loudly and enter my room. Ahhhhhh! I turn to her as I heard her screech "Why are you not wearing your shirt?" she ask, I rolled my eyes at this and headed to grab a shirt. "I took a shower" I said in flat tone "yeah, I can see that. Are you decent now?" she ask to which she didn't receive a response from me. "You can warn me next time you know and please answer me when I knock." she complain "you're early than usual" I said "Yes, I woke up early sorry. Anyways what do you want for lunch?" she ask me and just shrug. "Okay I expected that so I'm thinking of having a Frittata, but we're out of ingredients though so.." she paused while I waited for her to continue, don't tell me "Do you mind accompanying me and go to the store?" she ask softly but with hope apparent in her voice.

Silence filled the room when I didn't response, my lips shut tightly, my heart pounding wildly as I recognize the fear I felt and went rigid. It's not that I'm afraid of going out or maybe I am since it's been years that I did, I don't know. But she must have seen the look on my face despite trying to remain stoic. "Are you okay? It's okay if you decline I'm not forcing you, I just thought that maybe you'd want to. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable." she said but that didn't ease my mind nor stop my heart from beating loudly. "I'll be downstairs, call me if you need anything". she said and left the room leaving me once again with a lot of thought and uncertainty in mind.

I'm still standing on the same spot to where she left me, my feet refusing to move and my appetite long gone. Though my heart is back to normal my mind is still on spiral. Why would she ask me to go out with her? I thought to myself. First she ask me to cook with her now buy groceries with her what else? What is she planning? Is she going to ask me to walk the dog too or go to park? I think it's possible. It's just a matter of time till she ask me that.

But for now the question is, am I ready to go and left my only sanctuary that kept me safe and hidden for years? Am I now ready to face my fears and actually live? That I'm not certain, but am I going to? Feeling frustrated and helpless I let myself collapse and fall down on my bed, and groan my heart and mind in conflict.

Is Madison starting a hobby of making me struggle and battle myself? This time I can't help the sudden hunger I felt and heard my stomach growl for food. But the thought of going outside hasn't left my mind yet, atleast not soon when I still haven't decided if I'm going or not. A small part in me actually wanted to try but a bigger part of me opposes to the idea.

After consuming all the food, I took the initiative to gather my plate and go to the kitchen myself. I needed distraction right now and hoping Madison and I won't crash on my way there. I quietly walk down the stairs counting each step on my mind, I reach the kitchen and place my plate on the sink thankful that Madison isn't here. Now I only need to go back up faster so she won't catch me. It's ridiculous and silly when I actually live in this house and her being the guest, but I'm the one avoiding her like a plague.

"Hey Liam what do you prefer mangoes or strawberries?" Madison ask out of nowhere and startled me I almost jump. I compose myself first and turn to the direction of her voice. "Mangoes" I answered directly and turn around leaving. "Okay, I'm getting both I like mangoes too." she said, I don't know if she's telling me that or she's talking to herself. It doesn't matter though as I quickly left the scene. I heard her yell my name, but completely ignore her and went upstairs. So much for asking.