Broken

New Friend

                      My mind is a hurricane of emotions and thoughts.

                    “N-no.. this has to be a misunderstanding…” I whisper to myself. Getting up, I decide to go for a walk and try to clear my thoughts.

                    Since obviously meditating only makes everything worse.

                    I’m still really sore, but it’s mostly my upper half so walking isn’t too bad. All of my wounds are almost closed up anyway. I find a log around some really pretty plants. When I sit down I see a Foggy Poppy, a plant a lot of people smoke to relax. I’ve only tried it a few times with Ayla when she was smoking. My mom never wanted me to, but Ayla was always more easy going than mom.

                     Mom…

                    Picking the flower from the bud, I break it up into tiny pieces and roll a leaf around it.

                    “Flamma ignus.” I whisper, holding the rolled leaf away from my face, burning the tip of it. Bringing the unburnt end to my mouth, I deeply inhale. After a few seconds, I exhale the purple smoke and wait to feel the effects.

                    Never thought I’d be here. Literally. In the middle of a dangerous forest, as an orphan, with a monumental amount of weight on my shoulders, smoking Foggy Poppy after having a vision of my mom recording notes about infusing demon blood into me while she was pregnant. Literally none of it ever crossed my mind. Ever.

                    After smoking for a little while longer, I put it out to save for later if I want more and scoot down to the ground, leaning against the log and watching life in the forest.

                    A bird attacked a mouse a few trees down and a lynx wildcat attacked a squirrel in a tree about ten feet away.

                    I guess that’s the circle of life.

                    After a few minutes, the lynx came down the tree and slowly approached me. Staying still so I didn’t frighten it, I let it walk up and sniff me. He could easily attack me, but I don’t think he will. His body language is relaxed, mostly just seems curious. When he’s gotten close enough, I slowly hold out my hand and let him sniff it before trying to pet him.

                    Ooh, I think he likes me.

                    Circling around he- oops, she curls up next to me and relaxes while I pet her and stare off into the sky.

                    Who knew petting a wildcat would be so relaxing and helpful with stress?

                    While leaning against the log and petting my new friend, I see the dragon fly by, way up in the sky.

                    Hopefully there’s no poor sucker getting drugged by nice smells to be that jerks dinner.

                    About an hour later, my new friend gets alerted to an approaching presence and a few seconds later I hear Abel’s footsteps.

                    “What are you doing –“ he stops a few feet away, assessing me. “are you high?”

                    “Maybe. Why?”

                    “Why would you think it’s a good idea to get high in a forest like this?”

                    “Calm down, you’re gonna scare my new friend off.” I gesture to the wildcat purring against my leg as I pet her.

                    “Your new friend could have attacked you and you’d be too high to do anything about it.”

                    “Yeah, well she didn’t. And I’m high, not paralyzed.” I shoot back.

                    Rolling his eyes, he shakes his head and lets out a sigh.

                    “I was looking for you to see if you’re ready to keep walking.”

                    Slowly getting up and walking forward, I pat my leg so my new friend knows she’s welcome to come along. When she actually follows me, I’m elated. My cheeks hurt from how wide I smile.

                    “I’m gonna have to give you a name if you’re gonna tag along, huh?” I say to her.

                    “I doubt she’ll care what you call her.” Abel says flatly.

                    Before I can answer, she hisses making me laugh.

                    “See, she does care. She also doesn’t like you.” I say with a giggle.

                    Mulling it over in my head for a few minutes, I look down at her trying to figure out a good name.

                    “How about Shadow, since you’re so grey you’re almost black?”

                    Looking up at me she hisses, letting me know she doesn’t like it.

                    “Hmm.. how about Melisande? It means ‘strength’.”

                    Expecting another hiss, she surprises me by jumping up to my bag and gently climbing on my shoulders, laying across the back of my neck and licks my cheek, making me laugh.

                    “I’ll take that as a yes, Melisande.” I nudge my cheek back against hers with a smile.

                    As we walk, I had to move Melisande onto my duffel bag, she’s so big she was hurting my neck. But she fits perfect on top of my duffel bag, like it’s a little bed for her. I can’t get over how cute she is, with her bright green eyes, with golden flecks and fluffy dark grey face.

                    “Tomorrow we should make it to the town.” Abel announces from in front.

                    Since earlier, he hasn’t talked to me that much. I kinda miss how we’d joke around and just be… normal. Walking up to his side, I pull him to a stop by his wrist and turn him to face me.

                    “We need to talk, Abel.”

                    “No, we don’t. There’s nothing to talk about.” He sighs, knowing we’re gonna talk anyway by the look on my face.

                    “What happened earlier, I know –“

                    “Serafina, I really like you. But I shouldn’t have done what I did, we can’t be together. Even if I want to. I’m not the guy for you, you deserve better than me. You’ll see that eventually. I don’t want you to get hurt. It’s best if we just pretend it never happened.”

                    “If that’s how you truly feel…fine,” Using all my strength to keep the disappointment out of my voice, I look down knowing I can’t keep it out of my eyes. “can we at least go back to how it was before? Walking in awkward silence is… well, awkward.”

                    “Yeah, we can do that,” He says with a chuckle, but I can tell it’s fake. “how are your injuries?”

                    “They’re getting better, almost completely closed over. Still hurts like a b***h when I move certain ways, but compared to how it felt when I was almost dead, they’re great. Even compared to this morning they’re a little better.” I try to smile, happy that things are at least getting back to normal between us but still hurt and disappointed. But I’d rather have him my friend than not have him at all. Even though he’s gonna leave when we get to town and I’ll be on my own again…

                    Melisande whines, hopping off my bag and running into the forest. We keep walking, but at a slower pace. She eventually comes running back and walks right by my ankles.

                    Even though we agreed to pretend it never happened and go back to how things were, there’s still that slight tension between us making things a little awkward when we just ignore it and go on like nothing happened.

                    As we continue on our way, I admire the beautiful plants and flowers, the different colors in some of the trees leaves and all the animals that live in this forest. It’s so peaceful and beautiful, that’s how it’s so dangerous. It makes you feel comfortable letting your guard down.

                    “At least when I’m not around she’ll be there to protect you.” He chuckles, smiling, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

                    When the sun starts to set, we make camp and sit by the fire. Melisande gets comfortable in my lap while I lean against a log and Abel sits next to me on top of the log.

                    “So what were you doing in the woods earlier anyway, besides getting high?”

                    “Oh. I, uh… I meditated and had a vision. It wasn’t anything I wanted to know. But I guess I should know. I went for a walk to calm me down.” Melisande purrs and rubs her face against mine, comforting me.

                    “Do you wanna talk about it?” he offers.

                    Should I tell him? What if he thinks I’m an abomination or something?

                    I don’t think something like this has ever been done… at least not in a long time. And it definitely wouldn’t be accepted.

                    But he’s always been understanding so far… and maybe he could help me figure out why they would do this…

                    “It was of the past. I saw my mother writing in a journal about me. Apparently they experimented on me while she was pregnant, to make me stronger physically and more powerful,” sighing, I place my head in my hands. Hating the thought of it all. “as I was growing up they always told me I’m not reaching my full potential and to ‘believe in myself’ but I just thought they were being encouraging. My mom wrote that I was holding myself back and instead of telling me the truth they’d just keep pushing me.”

                    After a long moment of silence, Abel lets out a long sigh.

                    “That’s rough. I couldn’t imagine how that would feel, I’m sorry. Did you find out why they would do that? Or what they experimented with?”

                    “I uh, no I didn’t.” I stare out into the distance so I don’t have to look him in the eye, I hate lying, it feels so wrong. But I can’t imagine the thought of him hating me because of what’s running through my veins.

                    “Don’t worry, Serafina. You’ll figure it out, I know you will.”

                    “Thanks,” mumbling, I give him a half-assed smile before getting up to let down my bed roll.

                    As we lay down to go to sleep, Melisande sits above my head keeping lookout over me.

                    I guess she takes her job very seriously.

                    Staring up at the stars, everything keeps playing over in my head filling me with a deep sadness and feeling lost.

                    What I saw of my parents… I’ve never seen that side to them before. They seemed so cold and calculating, especially my mother. Her journal entries made it sounds like I was just an experiment, not their daughter.

                    How do I accept that the loving mother I knew growing up was the same person I saw writing in the journal about experimenting on me with demon blood?

------

                    As we get ready to start walking again, Melisande jumps onto my bag after I put the strap over my neck. For a while we walk in companionable silence, I’m still exhausted from waking up every couple of hours. All night in my sleep, I dreamt of my vision over and over.

                    Demon blood.

                    I don’t know how to accept that part of me.

                    “River Hill should be another hour, two hours at the most.” He says over his shoulder.

                    “Thank the gods,” I groan, “I need a gods damn shower.”

                    Melisande hisses at the mention of a shower, making us both laugh.

                    She’s my little blessing, she always makes me feel better and I didn’t even know I needed her.

                    “Don’t worry, Mel, you don’t have to get in with me.” I snicker.

                    All of a sudden Melisande stands straight up, jumping in front of me and growling aggressively. Abel stops and puts his hand up signaling silence, surprisingly Melisande stops growling. For a second, we’re all listening intently. The only warning we get is the snap of a twig before a woman and a man jump out of the woods, and a knife flies right at me, but because I was alert and focused, I was able to catch it before it plunged right through my eye.

                    “Guess the element of surprise didn’t work. Pity.” The woman said. She seems to be around my height, her hair and eyes charcoal black. The lower half of her face is covered and she’s wearing all black, like the men who attacked us the other day.

                    “Don’t worry. You’ll still have fun, Vera.” The man comments. He’s like the exact opposite of her from what’s visible. His hair is a very light blonde, almost white in the right lighting and his eyes are a sharp ice blue. He looks a little shorter than Abel, and he’s dressed just like the woman.

                    “I know, I always have fun killing bounties with you Drake.”

                    Slowly stalking toward us, I wrap my fingers around one of the daggers I stole from the dead assassin that’s tucked into the back of my pants.

                    “Oh come on, can’t one set of assassins be enough for one week?” I complain, exaggerating my annoyance. Hopefully these ones haven’t had any help from a witch. I think sourly.

                    “Don’t worry, this’ll be the last time, dear.” Vera says, sickeningly sweet.

                    Rolling my eyes, I start chanting in my mind to prepare myself.

                    “Facti fixa ex impotentia, facti fixa ex impotentia, facti fixa ex impotentia.” I repeat over and over in my head, pouring all of my concentration and intention into those words.

                    “Facti fixa ex impotentia.” I whisper under my breath, hoping to catch them off guard.

                    For a moment they’re both completely still, eyes wide in surprise. But after a second or two, they start moving again.

                    f**k!

                    “Aww, you’re gonna have to try harder than that, sweetheart,” Vera mocks. “maybe you should’ve focused on just one of us if you’re not that strong.” She adds, snickering.

                    Rage fills me, between everything I learned yesterday, everything that’s been going on lately, and now this s**t. I can feel energy building inside me, begging to be unleashed. As Drake and Abel start fighting, Vera walks slowly and confidently up to me. I wait until she’s only a few feet away, nudging Melisande out of the way. Reluctantly, she moves to my side, trusting me. Focusing all of the built up rage and energy inside of me, I unleash it all with a scream directed straight at her.

                    She goes flying backwards, slamming right into a tree. The power from the blast of energy breaks three trees in half and both Abel and Drake are pushed over. As they both look at me, I walk over to Vera, Melisande at my side. When I get to her, I grab her by the collar, slamming my fist into her jaw with all my strength. The energy may have been unleashed but the rage stayed right where it was, growing stronger and stronger with every second.

                    Dropping Vera back on the ground, I wait for her to get back up.

                    “Come on then, let’s go.” I spat.

                    Getting to her feet as quickly as she can, she assumes a fighting stance. A lot less confident                     than before. Swinging her arm, she aims for my face. Dodging, I twist her arm, grabbing the dagger from behind me and slashing her across the arm before pushing her backward again, she stumbles but stays on her feet.

                    “Gladium glaciali.” She forms a dagger of ice in her hand.

                    I nod to her with a smile, throwing my dagger to the ground, I create my own.

                    “Now we’re evenly matched. Bring it on, bitch.”

                    Coming at me, she aims for my bandaged shoulder. Quickly sliding to the side, I cut her arm near her shoulder as she goes right past me. Swinging around, she cuts a hole in my shirt nicking my chest a few inches from my previous injury. Hitting the dagger from her hand as she tries to retreat her arm, I cut her forearm before dropping my dagger to keep things fair. Kicking her ribs, I hear a c***k and tackle her to the ground before she can recover. Repeatedly slamming my fists into her cheeks, left, right, left, right, until she’s practically unconscious.

                    When I get up, I stomp her in the abdomen before walking away.

                    “Melisande, have some fun. Here’s an early dinner.” I say over my shoulder, hearing Vera scream a few seconds later before it turns into a gurgling sound.

                    Looking over to Abel and Drake, they’re pretty evenly matched, both have cuts and slashes across their arms, chests, and backs. Drake has a deep cut down the side of his face, he looks like he’s starting to wear down. Getting distracted when he hears Vera scream, he looks over for a second, costing him the fight. And his life.

                    With one of the daggers he kept from the assassins, Abel plunges it into his throat, killing him quickly.

                    Dropping to the ground, he lets out his last breath while Abel wipes the blood from the dagger before sliding it back into his waistband and walking back over to me.

                    “Glad you’re still alive, you fought better today than last time.”

                    “Yeah, I guess when you’re fighting for real it takes a minute to get used to it. Training to fight and killing someone are two very different things.”

                    “Yeah, it’s not easy to kill, especially your first time. You okay?”

                    “I think so, it was her or me, and I’m not ready to die yet. I have things I need to find answers to and revenge I need to get.”

                    “Yeah, just keep that in mind whenever you’re fighting. You can’t afford to go easy on someone because they won’t go easy on you.”

                    Nodding my head, I turn to go grab my bag and see Melisande laying on top of it, resting.

                    “Hey,” Abel calls out, “what was that blast of energy you did?”

                    “Honestly, I don’t know. It’s only happened once before, when I was really angry. Whatever it is, it came in handy.”

                    “You didn’t say a spell or anything?”

                    “No.. I didn’t.”

                    “But witches always have to say a spell to access their magic, so do sorcerers and sorceresses. The only species that doesn’t have to say a spell is… demons…”

                    “Yeah… I know.”

                    Before he can say anything else, I grab my bag, lifting the strap over my head and begin walking. Melisande doesn’t move, laying completely still on my bag, probably sleeping.

                    Hearing his footsteps get louder as he runs up to me, I try to pretend I don’t notice he’s there. But he won’t let me.

                    “If it happened before,” grabbing my elbow, he turns me around to face him. “and you knew only demons could do that and you found out your parents experimented on you, then you knew it was with demon blood. Didn’t you?”

                    Turning my face to the side, I keep my eyes from meeting his, not wanting to deal with the guilt of lying to him before.

                    Gently grabbing my chin with his thumb and forefinger, he turns my head back to face him, forcing me to look him in the eye.

                    “Yes.” Is all I could manage, the fear and anxiety of how he’ll see me now that he knows overwhelming me.

                    “Why lie to me?” he sounds and looks confused, but in his eyes there’s hurt. For a moment I don’t say anything, but then it just slips out.

                    “I didn’t want you to hate me…” my voice is so small and unsure I don’t even recognize it.

                    Lifting my chin, he lowers his face so we’re nose to nose, staring into my eyes.

                    “I could never hate you, especially not for something that you had no control over, that someone else did to you without your knowledge or consent.” He says so earnestly, I can feel my heart swell in my chest.

                    Glancing down at his perfect full lips, I instinctively lick my own. When I look back into his eyes, he’s looking down to my lips. My heart races being so close to him, without thinking about it, forgetting everything that happened before, I lean up and press my lips to his. Electricity sparks between our lips. Literally, a blue, purple, and white spark zaps when our lips touch, causing a tingling sensation to travel through my lips and down my jaw, into my chest.

                    Instead of pushing me away like I expect, he pulls me tighter to him deepening the kiss. Licking my lips to ask for entry, I part them and lick his bottom lip in return, before sucking it between my teeth, gently scraping against it. His grip tightens around my waist and a moan escapes his mouth.

                    Being like this, wrapped up in each other, our lips and tongues moving together as one, our hands roaming each other’s bodies trying to feel as much as possible… it’s the best feeling in the world. The only word that accurately describes it is… home. That unconditional love, the comfort, the feeling of being safe that comes with home. That’s this. That’s him.

                    And that scares me.

                    I know we can’t be together, he already told me, so why am I going to punish myself like this? Why am I doing this, knowing it’s going to hurt?

                    In that moment, reality came to flood the fires of desire that burned inside me. This time I’m the one to pull away, it takes so much effort, so much strength – a different kind of strength I didn’t know existed – and when we’re no longer touching, our souls are no longer entwined together, the pain already starts to slither it’s way through my veins and into my heart.

                    How can I feel so much for someone I only just met?

                    The vulnerability, the power he has over me without even knowing, it scares me. Because whether he realizes it or not, whether he would or not, he has the power to destroy me.