Entangled With You (B X B)

Chapter 19 : Where are you?

In the dark room with no lights either from the lamp nor the moonlights, Minjun closed his eyes and covered them with his arms. It still felt too bright for some reasons.

Three hours after he sent Jisun and Chan home with such an attitude, Minjun had calmed down now. His breathing was no longer on a speed run. His hands were not shaking anymore and there was not even a single trace of sweat on his palm. With Sunny on his side, he didn’t feel alone. But his mind was still in a mess.

Minjun spent the rest of the day without opening his school book at all. How could he study anything with this heavy heart and cloudy mind? He couldn’t even clean up this stuff on his bed. He was pretty much stuck on this unending and unsettling line.

It was utterly easy to put everything back inside the box after he unloaded the stuff before, everytime. Regardless of the painful memories etched on it, Minjun always managed to tuck them back under his bed. But this was different this time.

A stranger had to dig those memories out in the most unexpected ways, in his most unconscious state, so how could he not shake? Minjun never tried to hide anything nor he intended to be open about it. But to be ‘caught’ like this by Jisun, even there was no guarantee that the younger would know by only seeing this stuff, Minjun’s reaction itself could give it all. Jisun was not stupid, he would figure out the big picture if not the detailed reason.

Sighed.

Minjun had been friends with Chan since elementary, it was impossible for the guy to not be aware of why Minjun was behaving like that to Jisun. Chan was way too understanding for someone who didn’t know about what happened to him last year. Even when Minjun never told him anything about it, he was certain that Chan already knew. Their family had been friends way before they were born, if Minjun didn’t tell Chan, he would know from his parents for sure.

Another sigh. Minjun was so tired of this, of himself, of this part of him. Why couldn’t he drown in remorse by himself without entangling anyone else? Why did he have to act like that towards Jisun? That boy knew nothing. Most importantly, he did nothing wrong. It was an honest mistake, Minjun believed.

Drown in those thoughts over and over again with memories from the past overlapping with unknown feelings, Minjun drifted away from his consciousness. He sleeps with an unchanged uniform and unfinished ‘cleaning’.

It was an extreme reaction coming from Minjun and Jisun didn’t deserve to be treated like that. Sooner or later he had to apologize to the younger or better give him an explanation. Minjun hadn’t decided the time, but he would have to face that junior the next time they met.

In the next day and the next three days, Minjun didn’t see Jisun anywhere. He did not see him at school, not at the movie club nor on the bus they had always used together. It wasn’t that he tried to avoid Jisun, no, he wasn’t that immature. Minjun even planned to apologize to Jisun, he couldn’t stop thinking about how he behaved back then, and how Jisun must be feeling bad about it.

Minjun didn’t deny it when Chan talked him out about it. He admitted his fault immediately, even Chan was shocked too. He even tried to ask Jongin, Jisun’s classmate, about the boy’s whereabouts. And it frustrated him more knowing that Jisun actually went to school just like usual. So how the hell couldn't he find him anywhere? This school was not even that big!

Jisun really disappeared from Minjun’s limited sight. It made him think that maybe Jisun was the one who was avoiding him.

He tried to text the younger boy, not only one text, Minjun sent about more than four messages in a row (such a huge move considering how mighty Minjun’s pride was). But none of them got a reply from Jisun.

“Did he say somethin ‘bout me?” Minjun asked Chan who just informed him how he just met Jisun in the hallway. Which resulted in a shake of head from the club leader.

But while this news was good, it made it clearer that Jisun was indeed avoiding him. And it left Minjun with uncertainty of what to do.

That was it? Their friendship would end just like that? If it would end this quick and easy, why would they even start in the first place at all? Why did Jisun insist on having a role in Minjun’s life? And why the hell Minjun even compelled to let him having his way in?

Minjun lost count on how many days they have not seen each other. For how many days was it Minjun on the bus alone? It occurred to him, did Jisun intentionally didn’t use the bus anymore just to avoid Minjun? He once considered just asking his chauffeur to pick him up so Jisun didn’t have to ditch using the bus. But he gave up the thoughts as soon as it came. If Jisun ditching the bus on purpose, then it was on himself. Minjun had nothing to do with the junior’s personal decision, he believed.

Of course it was not that Minjun gave up on apologizing. It was just, he genuinely thought he had tried enough. If Jisun didn’t want to be found, maybe he should just respect the decision.

It was any other ordinary day when Minjun walked alone to the bus stop after school. When he finally, finally, spotted Jisun showed up at the bus stops, Minjun was feeling ecstatic. Even after so many days, Minjun still found himself the need to apologize and fix whatever was broken between them.

He fastened the steps, almost running toward the certain boy who was nodding his head to a probably beautiful rhythm. A beautiful rhythm Minjun imagined coming out from the earphones Jisun was using.

Ah, he wanted to hear what Jisun heard too.

Minjun was looking for him everywhere, but now that the younger boy stood in front of him, he forgot all the narration he had prepared. He stopped just three steps away from a fully ‘occupied’ Jisun, the boy was so engrossed in whatever coming from that earphone that he also didn’t realize Minjun’s presence.

In the end Minjun could only stand silently right behind Jisun’s back. He watched silently how Jisun’s head was nodding through the beats. He followed Jisun’s eyes everytime the younger took his eyes off of the phone to check if the bus was coming already. Minjun even wanted to tell Jisun to sit on this empty bench, because the boy kept on changing his ground from one foot to another while standing. But he undoed the intention though, Minjun didn’t want Jisun to know that he was kind of observing him for more than ten minutes.

The bus came. Their bus came. And Minjun didn’t know what to do.

Should I come too? Minjun took a step

But what if he sees me? It will be awkward. Minjun stopped.

Ck! Minjun stilled to the ground, watching as Jisun’s back grew further and got into the bus. He still didn’t move when he looked through the window as Jisun walked slowly to his usual chair, and that was the cue for Minjun to stop looking at all. This was way harder than what he thought it would be. Realizing his own mistake was one thing, but admitting it to the person he made a mistake at was… difficult. Even after his effort in trying to find the junior.

Minjun was being difficult, and the bus had already left. He decided he would just walk miserably to the next stop and wait for another bus, or maybe just hail a taxi.

He couldn’t believe that just blew away the only chance he got to apologize to Jisun. Minjun wanted to kick himself for it.

A text came. Minjun fished out his phone. The senior's heart was beating so fast when he read the name of its sender, it was beating so fast but Minjun didn't care. He opened the text immediately.

[From : Han Jisun]

Why don’t you take the bus with me, hyung?

On the roadside where people were passing by, Minjun screeched at the text he just read. Luckily his hands were fast enough to catched his almost falling iPhone. It didn’t stop him from looking at the words with horror though.

Jisun knew. He f*****g knew.