Fatal Error
858 Words
Chapter 2: Fatal Error
***
“Jonny…” I called out to him but I was ignored again, and again… and again… It seemed like the more I tried to get closer to him, the harder I was pushed away.
It’s pathetic of me to keep trying but I can’t stop. I don’t want to live without him by my side… and if I have to beg for his attention then maybe that’s not as horrible at it seems, as long as I get to be near him… even just a little bit…
“I’m going to leave after graduating.” Suddenly those words penetrated my ears and I felt like I was being drenched in cold water all over again.
“Leave where?” I asked him while staring up at his almost lifeless eyes.
“I’m going out of this town… anywhere is fine…” Jonny’s words were cold. I could tell there was a lot more to this that he wasn’t telling me.
“I’ll go with you.” I said while holding onto his hand, he pulled away almost as if I was dirty.
And maybe I was…
I’ve known this for a long time… that my feelings towards Jonny aren’t as pure as they once were when we were kids… I’m dependent on him but I can’t let it go.
“Am I… your friend still?” I asked him, my voice was shaky and I couldn’t focus on anything, my vision was blurring as the last thing I saw clearly was his horrified expression.
Jonny… what did I ever do to deserve this? Was I a horrible person in my past life? Did I betray my country and now I have to repent for those sins…
“You’re my friend…” Jonny sat there and finished his meal, I didn’t dare ask him another question. Why was this happening to us? Up until yesterday we were so happy and now…
We’re like perfect strangers…
*
*
*
“Honey… could you take this to Miss Miller’s house, I heard they needed eggs and your granny had too many… hey baby?” My mother’s voice was light as ever, as I approached her I wanted to cry in her embrace but instead I smiled at her as always.
“I’ll take it there mom, just let me go leave my school stuff…” My smile faded once I turned my back to my mother. She thought everything was fine because I didn’t tell her, because I didn’t want her to know… Because…
“Honey?” There was a knock at my door and the rope I was holding that I clumsily tried to tie fell to the ground. I quickly hid it under my bed and opened the door.
“What is it mom? I wanted to change clothes…” I told her but clearly my mom knew I wasn’t changing.
“Are you… hiding one of those dirty magazines from me? I won’t get angry but I need to know, alright?” My mother headed to my bed and underneath it opposite to her expectations she found the rope…
“This… oh God… Lord… why?! Daniel!? Please talk to me, why?!” My mother cried seeing the noose that clearly indicated what I was trying to do.
“Let’s go to church right now!” My mother held my hand and dragged me there, inside the church it was quiet, more so than outside, it was as if the place for prayer was sacred… but I knew there were a bunch of rotten things in this church…
This wasn’t a place of worship at all…
“Son… you need to speak. Tell me your worries.” As the priest spoke all I did was stood there motionless. I didn’t want to say anything to him, I had no intention of sharing my worries either.
“……….” I didn’t reply, I didn’t want to, all I wanted was for this nightmare to be over…
*
*
*
That same night I couldn’t sleep it was like I was having a repeat of the past few weeks. Each time I’d look at Jonny he was no longer the man I used to know, my friend… the person I… held such indecent feelings for…
It’s all my fault…
If I had never fallen in love with him then maybe he’d still be the same boy I knew from back then, he’d still look at me like a friend instead of with eyes filled with disgust…
If I…
“Mom… I’m sorry… I wasn’t really going to do anything I just learned how to tie that at school…” I lied of course but my mother didn’t deserve to suffer because of me. “I didn’t want to tell the priest because I was embarrassed…”
“Oh… my baby…” My mom hugged me, I think it was for about ten minutes, I felt like I couldn’t move or the illusion would be broken. It’s better if she thinks I’m a stupid son instead of one willing to off themselves…
The world felt dim…
- Writer
