My Mother's Boyfriend

In Disbelief

Maya

“When she leaves, you act like newlyweds,” Gabby grumbles when Alejandro refuses to allow me my own air at the airport. He’s been kissing me so much that my lips have barely any feelings again and I laugh, pushing him back.

One year and I will be back home, he knows it. Then I would fly to and fro to finish up the second year; after all, I could afford it with his money.

His entire family is here to send me off. They are unhappy but yet happy for me. Our bond is thickening, but I hold them at arm’s length because they supported Alejandro in his wild ways. They are under the impression that I do not know about the coffee lady. Unexperienced as I am, I could tell something was going on between them both whenever Alejandro and I went for coffee there, so I opted to stay away even though the coffee was awesome.

Anthony could not be here because of school, but he did wish me a happy flight when he got up this morning. And only this morning I had called my father to inform him of my plan to leave. He was quite taken aback, but he wished me luck. It’s not as if he could have prevented me from leaving.

My grandmother’s words have been bothering me for some days now. Tony had left his phone in the kitchen while he ran upstairs to get his bag that contained a drawing, he had done for an art class that he wanted to show me.

Our grandmother had no idea the phone was there, so she and my grandfather were arguing when they came into the kitchen which implicated something else, the more I listened in.

“She brought shame to us,” my grandmother said, while my grandfather stayed quiet. Take note that I could not see them but only hear as the phone was on the table, with the camera facing the ceiling. And I had no idea my grandfather was there until he spoke at the very end.

And I couldn’t tell if she meant me or my mother.

“Marrying that beast that her mother left Russell for. Has she no shame? Mother and daughter with the same man?”

Okay, me. Never mind her being the reason her granddaughter married said man because of her and her love for money.

I stretched my lips, rolling my eyes as I listened while I chewed on the gummy bears I was snacking on. My brother likes it when we ‘share’ snacks, so we ate gummies that day.

“God should strike her down where she stands.” I did another eye roll. I doubt if God works this way, but who knows? But I knew my heart was clean. I never longed for any man...or boy. I never lusted. I never worshipped money as she did either. I listened to my parents and elders- h*ck, it was the reason behind this marriage that she was cursing.

But I had grown accustomed to her filthy mouth.

“God should use me again to cleanse this house!” she shrieks.

It was those words that shook me. ‘Again, to cleanse’. Again. My eyes widened. My grandmother usually has our priest come over to say prayers and such then they burn incense and whatnot and call that a good cleanse, but somehow, I knew this was not what she meant.

I did not hear the sentence after that because my mind was rattled. “I can still feel her dirty spirit here,” she continues with her rant. It hurt that she said these sorts of things about me even though I am used to it.

“My hands can feel her uncleanliness even though I removed her from this lifetime-”

My pores raised with this at the same time as nausea rocked me. She wasn’t talking about me now but my mother...she used the past tense. Removed. “-I can sense she will torment us in the other life. What to do again Lord, to rid myself of this demon that causes me unrest?”

My brain is whirling, her words implying something more than sinister. Too evil to believe. I paled, too stunned to do anything other than listen. The gummies were forgotten and so was my usual eye roll. Malevolent as she goes on. “My conscience is forever stained because of this evil soul!” My grandmother wails after, and I hear something slam- possibly her hand coming down onto the counter.

But it sure sounded as if she ...no. I denied it. She would never harm my mother.

Would she?

It was then my grandfather spoke. “Russell did the right thing-” The rest of his words were unrecognisable to my ears. But I figured he was bashing my mother again about her sinful ways and my father did the right thing by leaving her. But I did hear him say, “You did what any mother would do, Mona.”

My grandmother’s next words had me frozen. Shocked and in disbelief at the gravity of the meaning of them. “I see her blood everywhere-”

A roaring sound filled my head.

No- I denied it. My grandparents could be capable of what the conversation implied. Horror filled me and my knees buckled as I slid to the cold tiled floor of the sitting room I frequented.

Her cold, unfeeling words had chilled me, and I hung up the call not saying anything to anyone.

As much as I disliked her, I did not want to think my grandmother had anything to do with my mother’s death. I hoped she was just having nightmares due to guilt about how she treated my mother.

I am glad that Alejandro has the investigation open because I feel the police are doing nothing. That bothered me too at first. I was under the impression that Alejandro had paid the police off to close my mother’s case as unsolved, due to his involvement.

Was my mother’s death revenge for feelings my relatives perceived as wrongs being righted? Was my grandmother acting out for her son? Or was it by her own free will as a way to exert control over her? Did my grandmother hire someone or did the deed herself? And how? Was a toxicology test done?

What was her mental state? I try to go back many times to recall my grandmother’s behaviour at the time of my mother’s death, and she seemed normal- always bitter. I was missing something ...but what?

And I cried. It pained, and my heart was burdened. What about my brother? Is he safe there? He has to be right? They won’t harm their grandchild...he’s not me. He’s safe I convince myself. He’s a male. Had I been a boy, they would have loved me too.

My mind and body are heavily burdened as I wave to my family by law and board the plane. Am I doing the right thing? I cannot be, if I am leaving my brother behind with monsters. But are they monsters or did I happen to overhear a conversation midway and misinterpreted it? I regret now not listening in to the end on it, now.

Passengers shuffle through security, unaware of my dark thoughts, clutching boarding passes. Seats reclined, trays folded out, and cabins hummed with conversations while my seat remained with me only. A man and woman exchange pleasantries while the stewardess coaxes them to their seats- different seats and anyone can see on their faces that they want to converse more.

Ah, love at first sight. Hmm.

The distance whir of the engines and my stomach in knots. It's the first time I am away from home on my own. First time on a flight by myself and to a destination unknown to me. I’ve never been to New York, but I do look forward to the adventure that awaits me there.

I feel- independent and even though I miss my brother, I am enthusiastic to be out in the world alone. No strings. Nobody to command me and tell me what to do. Just me and me alone to face the big world.

I made a quick video for Tony, knowing he would love it, and I tried not to let my negative thinking get in the way of me knowing Tony is good where he is. I repeat this until I believe it.

Outside the plane, clouds form landscapes and the cities blur in the distance. Fields and rivers look like patterns. A movie flickers onto the screen mixed with a bit of turbulence.

When we land, my heart feels light. The sweet smell of the New York air fills my lungs and I smile broadly.

Just as Alejandro told me, a man was holding up a sign with my name. When I approached him, he shoved a bouquet of flowers my way. A pink bloom arrangement. Touched because Alejandro only gave me flowers on my birthday and Valentine’s Day and no other time, not counting our wedding, I took a photo and sent it to him with a heart emoji.

‘MAYA, moglie mia, torna da me.’ (my wife, come back to me)

Two minutes later, I got a notification that ‘I’ made a post to my account. Grinning widely, I knew what it was even before I opened it. Alejandro had posted the photo from my account, so it appears that I have posted it with the caption; he adores me.

Honestly, I did. I truly did.