A Spiritual's Mark

Chapter 2: Wanting To Leave

-Hope-

“Say that again,” Harper said.

“You heard me the first time.”

“No, I don’t think I did, because if you said something so stupid, I might just think you needed someone to sp*nk some sense into you,” she said, but there was clearly a joking tone to her voice.

“What is sp*nking?” I asked.

She opened her mouth to answer. It was clear she hadn’t been serious but had hoped I would understand why she had chosen to say it. Then when she realized, I had no idea what she was talking about, the joke simply died, and she looked embarrassed instead.

“Eh … nothing,” she said.

“Is it something bad?” I asked.

Her face flushed a strange red, and I couldn’t quite read the expression on her face, but she also quickly masked it, pulling herself back together.

“No. It depends.”

“On?”

“Who delivers it and why,” she said.

“I am not sure I understand. How is it delivered?” I asked.

“Okay, let us change the subject. It was a bad joke, I wasn’t even serious,” she said.

“But I still want to know-“

“Hope, you can’t just leave!” she interrupted me.

I sighed and walked further into the store. I was unsure if I was trying to escape her or just needed something to do in order to calm my mind.

“Don’t run!” she said.

“I’m not!”

But maybe I was. I had no idea what I was doing. I was just so confused by all these new things. I was feeling pain, anger, and frustration. I wasn’t used to it, and it just confused me even more.

“Then why do you keep walking away from me?!” she asked, as she followed me around.

I had to imagine we were looking a bit funny with the way Harper was almost chasing me around like we were kids playing a game.

“I just … I don’t know what you want me to say. It is true!”

“That?”

“That Phoenix won’t come back, because I am still here!” I told her.

“Come on, Hope, you really think that?” she asked.

“It is true! He won’t come back until I leave. He ran because of me, and none of you have heard anything from him!” I said.

“He might just be doing something … important,” she said, as she continued to follow me. “Can we stop this?! I easily lose my breath now that I have gotten pregnant.”

I stopped, and she did too. She leaned a little forward, placing her hands on her knees, as she tried catching her breath.

“I’m bringing everyone down. Every male in the house thinks it is their job to take care of me, as long as Phoenix is not there to do it himself, and it stresses them that they cannot help me. I even stress you and Angela out, and she is going to give birth soon, just like you will in not such a long time,” I said.

“I still got five months left,” she said.

“But stress at any time in your pregnancy is bad for you,” I said. “I just don’t want to bring you all down with me. It isn’t your fault Phoenix doesn’t want me.”

“We know that, but I don’t think you should be so hard on yourself either. Phoenix will find his way back when he wants to. He is a grown man!”

“And I am a grown female. I can make my decisions too, and I say I want to go,” I told her.

“Where?!”

That was the question, right? Where the hell would I go?

“You don’t even know, do you?” she asked and crossed her arms.

“I … I have not figured out that tiny detail, but I thought I would talk to Hunter, and tell him I want to go.”

“You do know that since you are Phoenix’s mate and you have already marked him, you are technically already part of Hunter’s pack, right?” she asked.

I nodded.

“You really think he will just let you go? Hunter is an alpha. Taking care of his pack members is what he does, and one of them suddenly wanting to leave that he won’t like. He takes care of his pack by keeping them together, so he can keep an eye on all of them.”

“I know,” I said. “I understand how alphas work.”

“Then what makes you think leaving is the solution?”

“Because Phoenix deserves to be allowed to come home.”

“Hope, Phoenix is the baby here,” she told me.

“What do you mean?”

“He did the exact same thing as me, and just ran out of the door. I mean perhaps you should have a chat with Archer. He might just understand your perspective a little better. I can only say I understand Phoenix is just being a st*pid ass, just like I was, and it takes some time. But we learn … eventually,” she said.

“Archer stopped himself from going insane by planning to k*dnap you. I don’t even know where Phoenix is,” I said.

“Because then you would k*dnap him?” she asked.

I sighed.

“No!”

She held up her hands in an apologetic way.

“I just meant Archer knew he would eventually make you his. He made sure to keep all his focus on you, even when you were gone, planning, and building and all of that. I have no idea where Phoenix is, and even if he was here, I still think I would want to leave. He just doesn’t want me.”

“He was probably just shocked,” she said. “I would have been if I woke up from a month-long coma with some stranger’s mark on my shoulder.”

“Stranger … right.”

“You know what I mean,” she said and walked closer, placing her hand on my shoulder. “Don’t just give up, Hope.”

“Why not? Have I not just wasted everyone’s time, including my own?” I asked.

Harper looked at me with eyes full of pity and I hated it. I just wanted all the pain and pity to stop. I needed to feel free and in control again. I didn’t want to walk around in this hopeless fog anymore. I couldn’t even really remember much from the last three months or so. Suddenly, the snow had just come. The seasons had changed. Babies were on the way, and Harper was a part of the pack. It was very confusing, and I had no idea how to handle it all.

“You aren’t wasting people’s time,” she said, sounding so sincere.

“I see it.”

“What?”

“The looks,” I said. “I hear the whispers too, and I know when you are trying to cheer me up. Like this.”

“Like this?” she asked.

“This trip here. It is just another way to try and make me feel better or distract me.”

“No! I want you here,” she said.

“You don’t have to pretend.”

“Hope, I am not! I do want you here and yes, I did think it would be good for you, but I am doing this because I truly do want your help and for you to be here,” she said, trying her hardest to convince me.

“Even if that is the case … I just … I can’t anymore.”

“Can’t?”

“Can’t keep dragging people down and keep Phoenix from his home. I’m just done,” I told her.

“Don’t say something like that,” she said, and ran her hand up and down my arm in a soothing way.

“I need to find some happiness too,” I said.

“I understand, but you can do that here!”

I shook my head.

“No, I don’t believe I can. That is why I have to go. Don’t you understand?” I asked.

She thought about my question for a while, but then shook her head.

“I am not sure I do. I think you are giving up too easily. I fear you are making a bad mistake like me,” she said.

“That is your opinion, and I respect that, so please respect my decision,” I said.

“Hope-“

“I am going to wait in the car. Take your time,” I said, as I left the store, not wanting to discuss this anymore.

I had made my decision. I would leave so Phoenix could come home.