NEW FEELINGS

CHAPTER 5

Saturday morning arrived gray and cold, the kind of October day that made Matilda want to stay in bed forever.But then her phone buzzed at nine, gragging her from the dream she couldn't remember, and when she finally blinked at the screen, Stella's name was there.

Coffee? There is someone I want you to meet.

Matilda's stomach did something complicated.. Some one, Not a friend or roommate. Just someone. She typed back Ok before she could start rethinking it, theb spent about thirty minutes trying on different outfits and hating all of them.

The coffee shop they agreed on was downtown, the kind of place with mismatched furniture and cat sitting on the windowsill. Matilda spotted Stella immediately, tall and dark hair that wasn't packed, impossible to miss actually and then besides here was, another girl. She was shorter and had long Blonde hair. She was smiling at something Stella had just said.

When Matida approached, both of them looked up, and the blonde's eyes meet with Matilda's face with an intensity that made her want to check if there was something on her face.

"You must be Matilda."The blonde stood, brought her hand forward. "I am Jenny. Stella's has told me everything."

Matilda's shook her hand, feeling how warm it was against hers and how she kept a firm grip."Everything."

"Pretty much." Jenny's grin widened."Don't worry.I'm good at keeping secrets."

They each ordered coffee and settled into a concer booth, Jenny besides Stella and Matilda across from them. The dynamic between the two was immediately clear. With the easy, old , glances and unfinished sentences she guessed they were probably best friends. The kind that had known each other for years.

"So," Jenny said, stirring sugar into her cup,"Stella says you're an artist. The real kind, not the kind who paints flowers and landscape."

Matilda laughed, suprised."I don't know about the real kind. I just draw."

"She's being modest." Stella' hand found Maatilda's under the table and squeezed once."She's incredible. You should she her work."

Jenny's eyebrows rose." I'd love to. Especially if it's the way Stella described it.'' Her voice dropping into a tease."She gets this look when she talks about you. All dreamy. It's disgusting, really."

Stella kicked her under the table. Jenny yelped, but her grin didn't fade.

Matilda felt warmth inside her chest spread . Stella had talked about her. She had gotten dreamy. The idea was almost to much too pocess.

"She also said you are new to..... this". Jenny gestured vaguely, encompassing everything."The whole being into giris."

Matilda face heated."Is it that obvious?"

"No.' Jenny voice softened, losing its teasing edge."It's just.. I remember what that was like.Figuring it ou. Thinking you're the only one . And then meeting someone who makes it all make sense."

For a moment, the table was silent. Then Jenny clapped her hands together." Okay. Awkward moment over. New topic. Stella tells me you've never been to a real gay bar."

Matilda blinked." I'm not yet eighteen."

Jenny waved her hand,"There's a place it called The Key.Its's technically eighteen-plus, but the bouncer is a friend of mine. We're going. Tonight.

"We are?" Stella looked amused.

"You're."Jenny pointed at both of them."Consider it a rite passage.Matilda needs to see what she's gotten herself into. The full lesbian experience."

Matilda's stomach flipped, with nervousness and excitement, all at once. " I don't have anything to waer."

Jenny's grin turned predatory."Oh honey. That's the best part."

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The Key was in the basement of an old building downtown, entrence unmarked except for a single raindow flag tucked discreetly besides the door. The bouncer, a massive woman with the sides of her heair shaped. She took one look at Jenny and waved them through witha nod.

The noise hit first. Music, vibrating the floor. Then the smell, prefume, sweet and alcohol. Then the sight.

Women. Everwhere.Dancing, laughing, leaning against the wall and each other. A bar along one wall, crowded with bodies. A dance floor in the centre, plusing with coloured lights.

Matilda stopped just inside the door, overwhemled.

Jenny apeared at her elbow. 'First time in Mother land?"

Looking at Matilda's expression her face soften." Come on. First drinks on me."

They found a table near the edge of the dance floor. Stella sat close to Matilda, tigh pressed against tigh, and the contact helped anchor her. Jenny retured with three shots and something pink in a tall glass for Matilda."

'drink." she commanded." You need to loosen up."The shot burned down. The pink drink was sweeter, dangerous in a way Matilda could already tell. She slipped away slowly, watching the crowd. Women dancing together. Women kissing openly without looking around first. Women in leather lace and everything in between. It was like walking into a new world, one where she didn't have to hide, didn't have to look away, didn't have to pretend.

"See anyone you like?" Jenny asked, following her gaze.

Matilda flushed"I'm with Stella."

"And? Looking isn't cheating. It's window shopping.' Jenny eyes sparkled."Go on. Admit it. The redhead by the bar? The one in the velvet jacket? She's hot."

She was actually. Tall and sharp- featured, laughing at something her friend said. Matilda looked, then looked away.'' Okay. She's hot.'

Jenny grinned,"Progress."

Stella's arm came around Matilda's shoulders, pulling her close. Leave her alone. She's still adjusting.'

"I'm educating her." Jenny stood, held out a hand. "Dance with me. Both of you. It's a requirement."

The dance floor was intimidating there were bodies moving together, some grinding, some slow, all of them comfortable in a way Matilda wasn't. But Stella took her hand, and jenny took the other and some how she was in the middle of them, moving to the music, feeling the bass in her chest and moving at her own pace.

Jenny danced like she did everything, fully committed, no self-consciousness. Her body moved in ways Matilda tried not to notice and failed completely. The cut of her shirt showed her stomach when she raised up her arm. The way her hips moved was almost hypnotic.

Matilda looked away and found Stella looking at her with an amused expression.

"She's pretty,"Stella said loud enough to be heard over the music.

"What?No, I wasn't--"

"Its okay. Looking isn't cheating"Stella pulled her closer.

"But she is your friend."

"She is also very single and very flirtatious.'' Stella's mouth brushed Matilda's ear."And she has been asking of you all week."

Matilda pulled back."What?"

Jenny obviously, was dancing with a girl in a crop top, laughing at something. She caught Matilda's eye and winked.

"She likes you," Stella said. "Not in a threatening way. In a 'my best friend found someone interesting and I want to be friends with her too' way. But also.." She shrugged." Jenny's Jenny.She flirts with everyone. It doesn't mean anything."

"Doesn't it bother you?'

Stella considered"No. I trust you. And I trust her." She kissed Matilda's forehead, soft and quick.'Plus, she not really your type.''

Matilda blinked." I have a type?"

"You dp. Tall, dark hair, mysterious.'' Stella gestured to herself. "Obviously".

Matilda laughed, tension breaking. "Obviously."

They danced for another hour. Jenny rotated through partners, always returning to check on them, to bring drinks, to pull Matilda into conversation. By midnight Matida had learned that Jenny was twenty, worked at a bookstore, played bass ina band that wasn't very good but was very fun and had come out since she was fifteen.

"My parents were surprisingly cool about it.'' she shouted over the music. "My mom cried for about a week. Now she baked Pride cupcakes for me."

Matilda thought of her own parents. Jenny seemed to read her expression."Hey. One step at a time. Tonight, you're just here. That's enough.''

Later when Stella went to the bathroom, Jenny slid into the seat besides Matilda. Her energy was different now, a bit softer, and more focused. " Now lets go get you another drink before your girl gets back. She'll pretend to be annoyed, but she loves when i take good care of you."

The rest of the night blurred into music and light and Stella hands. When she finally spilled out onto the street at two in the morning, cold air shocking the heat inside her. Matilda felt different, like she'd stepped through a door and found a room full of people who understood.

Jenny hugged her goodbye, tight and warm."See you soon.Welcome to the family Matilda.'

Walking home with Stella hand in hand. She thought of the word 'family' that Jenny had said. She never had one like this, nerver even thought she needed one.

But now that she'd found one, she wasn't letting it go.