A Walk Through The Darkness

Chapter 2

I could see and talk to my unborn child, what!?! This new part of my gift was amaze-balls! I tried to stay grounded with my emotions and not hop on the emotional magic carpet ride they were trying to tempt me with.

When I walked into the kitchen to let Jack know that I was finally ready, I noticed that he had trimmed up his beard, just a little. He’s the epitome of my childhood prince charming. He’s is perfect. And I never want to stop kissing him.

I could tell that he was back to his normal self because his kiss was just like always, soft and aggressive.

As usual, his hands gravitated to my curvy hips. Jack’s hands are rough like sandpaper, firm like my Daddy’s favorite vice grips, and big enough to match my ever-widening hips.

“Are you finally ready?”

“Are you still freaking out?”

“I wasn’t freaking out,” he lied.

As a calming mechanism, he had been patiently fidgeting with my car keys. I thought it was best to go ahead and let him drive.

Jack surprised me the other day with a new "Mom" vehicle, a white Ford Expedition. He thought that I needed something bigger to accommodate my unusual height of five foot ten inches, my expanding baby bump and hips, on top of all the other extra accessories that go along with bringing a baby into this world.

The drive to my Doctor’s Office is at least thirty-minutes and I found it best to automatically assume an expected wait time of at least ten minutes before being called back.

Jack doesn’t wait well. It’s impossible for him to sit still. Being in the construction industry doesn’t allow for much down time. He’s always moving—shaking his leg, fidgeting with keys, or pacing around a room.

The weird ‘I’m tired yet getting plenty of sleep’ thing magnified as soon as I buckled my seatbelt. It was a like a switch was flipped and I involuntarily went into a coma-like sleep.

The road noise lulled me into a mini confusing dream about Angels and Demons on the beach.

The taste of sweet sunshine on Jack’s lips pulled me awake.

Thankfully for Jack, we weren’t forced to wait and before you could say ‘The Devil Went Down To Georgia’, I was up on the table lifting my dress until it was a padded shelf for my boobs.

Jack, without hesitation, assisted me in the process of laying down on my back.

Bless his heart. He never did comment on my overnight developments.

Personally, I get a great amount of joy from making strangers uncomfortable. It’s my “get to know you” process and feeds my odd sense of humor. I had a new ultrasound lady today and I was on a mission!

She damn near tripped over herself trying to hurry and cover my hips and legs. Once close, I noticed that she was sporting the usual light blue scrubs with her name monogrammed on the upper right side of her top, opposite the logo of the office. It said 'Merry'.

“Dang Merry, you’re fast. I even picked out my best maternity granny pannies for you.”

"So, Mrs. Stennis, how far along are you today?"  This woman could probably ignore an apocalypse.

“I’m about twenty weeks," I noted flatly.

"Are you sure?" Merry had nothing but skepticism plastered all across her face. She sounded like she didn’t give a flip about the professional courtesy of ‘the customer is always right’.

I know my baby bump is huge woman, but lay off, I scathed in my mind. "That's what I’ve been trackin’ since confirming my pregnancy with Dr. Walsh.” I laid on the southern accent extra thick in my voice in preparation to ‘bless her heart’.

"Great," she stated with the tone of 'the customer is always right'.

She pulled out the infamous bottle of clear goop and just squirted that cold s**t right onto my stomach. Mean!

Angela squirmed and flitted inside me. “Was that really necessary, Merry?”

Poker face, Audra. Be nice.

The gradual warmth radiating from the wand of the ultrasound machine made the surface of my skin warm slowly. All of our eyes were focused on the little screen beside Merry. I could see Angela moving around and best of all, I could feel her happiness, kind of like she was being tickled.

Merry took some still shots with the computer to measure her and whatever else she had to check before hunting Angela's bottom side so that she could “professionally” inform us of the official gender of our child.

This woman was so uptight she was starting to give the word professional a new definition.

As if Angela knew exactly what was going on, she performed a sort of flip and cheerleading-style toe-touch to hurry up the process of Merry's work.

I didn't even bother looking at Jack because my Empathetic Radar was firing on all eight cylinders, picking up loud and clear on his ‘holy s**t/shocked’ vibes.

"Well, it looks like y'all are having a girl," Merry informed us. She put down the ultrasound wand like it was a hot potato and wiped the remaining goo off of my stomach in the most underachiever manner. She then handed Jack five small square black and white photos of Angela.

This woman can’t get rid of me this easy!

Revenge. Sweet Revenge.

I took my sweet happy time to finish wiping the remaining unbearable goo off of my torso and decided to allow myself to visit Merry’s emotions as I pulled my dress back down and over my protruding stomach. As I tossed the sheet basketball style into the red plastic bag hanging like a laundry hamper, I realized that Merry had no problem with me. She actually enjoyed my lighthearted sarcasm. Something in her personal life was keeping her distracted.

Jack, attentive as ever, extended his hand to help me down from the table.

"Thank you so much, Merry," I told her in the most sincere tone that I could muster. I flashed her my deepest heart-warming smile as I hopped off of the table.

Jack had my purse waiting for me.

Merry’s emotions became lighter and I could see her shoulders relax. "You're very welcome, Mrs. Stennis. Y'all have a great day and congratulations on your little girl!"

Jack and I walked hand in hand down the hallway to Dr. Walsh's waiting room. Jack was still a little shocked and I was concerned about Merry and the amount of anxiety that she was radiating. I’ll think of her later.

Jack took a deep breath and exhaled, "Okay, so you can communicate with our child." He ran his free hand through his hair and the feeling of curiosity was so thick that I could cut it with his old dull pocket knife that he refused to get rid of. "Do you know what she looks like?"

"She has your smile." I really didn't want to dive off into how much I knew because it was still all new to me. “How’d you like her little acrobatic toe-touch gender reveal stunt?”

Jack led the way to the only bench in the room. It had blandly generic cushions. “She did that on purpose?”

I couldn’t prevent myself from flitting through the five black, white, and gray pictures repeatedly, stopping at the one with an arrow pointing labeled ‘It’s a Girl’ written to the side. I flashed the photo at him, “what do you think?”

Jack’s chuckle confirmed my theory.

I flitted through each picture, one by one, examining the physical proof of life growing inside of me.

Before my body became the equivalent of a Human EasyBake Oven, I considered myself to be pretty good at managing the unwanted protrusion of other people’s emotions along with my own emotions. Now? Not so much. Thank goodness there weren’t many people in this office today!

I was struggling with just my own emotions. Three times so far today, I had to conquer the battle with my hyper sensitive tear ducts. Sustaining my composure in public was proving to be an extremely difficult task.

Having the emotional interruption of strangers bombarding you unexpectedly is polar opposite of fun or easy. Supercharge it with unstable pregnancy hormones and I might be mistaken for a hair-triggered irrational bipolar patient that is in desperate need of medication. The icing on this sweet little crazy cupcake is the development of my new telepathic abilities.

Pep talk time.

Pretend to be normal Audra. You can always let down your guards and release the pent-up hot mess of bubbling emotions when you’re in the car.

An unwelcomed day dream intruded my thoughts. I imagined a new category in the upcoming Winter Olympics called ‘Emotional Management of Pregnant Empaths’.

My day dream was cut short because I could feel Jack smiling. Another distraction! Yay!

Today must be the slowest day in OBGYN history. Jack’s happiness seemed to brighten the small windowless room. For once, I didn't pay any attention to the bland carpet, the boring beige walls, or uncomfortable chairs. The little TV mounted in one of the top corners of the waiting room wasn’t even turned on. It was always on the Cooking Channel or HGTV.

“Jack, I need your help.” I whispered. “If neither of us can control ourselves, Dr. Walsh is gonna think I’m on drugs.”

I couldn't peel my eyes away from the tiny pictures that were a visual proof that God is good. It's a little embarrassing to admit, but I wanted to ditch the appointment with Dr. Walsh and go home to privately experiment with my new telepathic communication with Angela.

It occurred to me that my gift is silent and why not try to talk to her in public? It’s not like there were a lot of people around.

I nudged Jack’s arm, winked at him, and closed my eyes. An image of her instantaneously came to the forefront of my mind. Focusing on her face, I saw that she was smiling. I could look at her smile forever.

“What is she doing?”

“Smiling and looking totally adorable.”

“Ask her what she likes.”

“What!?!”

“Just do it.”

“Fine.” I knew I didn’t have long to experiment because the office was so quiet. The most bizarre part was realizing that I didn’t have to ask her the question. She recognized, heard, and understood her Dad’s request.

Her beautifully high-pitched voice shouted, “DADDY!”

I can’t describe the sound that came from my throat. Shock? Laughter? It sounded like I was trying to hock up a dead frog from my throat.

Jack was bewildered.

“She’s smart. Very smart.” His confusion made me continue. “She knows the sound of your voice and she understood exactly what you wanted to know—even though you weren’t specific. This is making me kind of giddy-scared Jack.”

I felt and saw Angela become concerned. Her colors shifted to a darker tone.

“Don’t you worry, Angela. This is just new to me, that’s all. I trust wholeheartedly that God has made you exactly the way he meant to.”

“Okay, Momma.”

My stomach had grown and grown over the past few days and I was beginning to get irritated with people commenting on how large my bump was to only be five months along.

For the most part, I’ve embraced the supersized elastic waistbands of maternity clothes and have opted for dresses that are two inches longer in the front than in the back. Except after putting them on, the front of the dresses actually became shorter in the front and longer in the back.

Did I mention that my stomach is huge?

My phone began ringing loudly in my seemingly bottomless purse. For such a huge device, I can never find it in my bag.

Simultaneously I heard, “What is that noise Momma?” and a mumbled, "I bet it's your mom." Yeah, it’s gonna take me a minute to get used to this whole double hearing thing.

Jack enjoys a private competition of guess-who’s-calling-while-Audra-is-hunting-her-phone. Nine times out of ten, he’s right and I mentally kick myself for not just letting it go to voicemail.

Jack doesn’t love my mother, but he doesn’t hate her either. They just kind of politely deal with each other.

“Crap, you win.”

My mother and I have an unconventional relationship. She is my opposite in every way possible: physically, mentally, and emotionally. She is a little shorter than me, with blonde hair that is meant to camouflage her natural color of grey. Her nose is sharp and her cheek bones are high. Her thin lips are perfectly set on her oval shaped face. Now that I’m thinking about it, an oval shaped face is probably the only thing we have in common.

"Hey, Mom!" I always try to make my voice as excited as possible with her to make up for the lack of connection between us. No one can say that I never try.

"So, what's the verdict?"

I was picturing her standing in her kitchen bouncing up and down on her toes like a toddler trying not to pee on herself. I knew that she would be happy regardless, she’s just nosy and tries really hard as well.

Fake it until you make it, baby!

"We're having a girl." My voice was light and airy.

"Oh, Audra!" She exhaled. "I finally get a granddaughter. Don't make any plans for Saturday, because you and I are going shopping!"

"Wait. What? What are you wanting to buy?" My voice dripped with the future pending doom. "Furniture, of course! Audra, you need to start picking all of the nursery things out, and you need to register, and don't forget that I still have a good bit of your baby things up in the attic."

Geeze, slow down Super Hoarder! "Okay, Mom. But listen, the nurse is about to call my name. Can I call you back later?"

"Call me when you get in the car. In the meantime, I'm gonna let everyone know the news."

“Mom, wait. I want to wait a little while before announcing the gender.”

“Do you want to have a ‘Gender Reveal Party’?”

“Heavens, no!”

“I forgot. You like your privacy and to keep things simple.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

“Okay. Don’t forget to call me back.” Ten times out of ten, I didn’t call her back and always ‘claimed’ that I forgot. “Love you!”

" Love you too, Mom." I realized in this moment that I was never the one to say ‘I love you’ first with my Mom.

Mental shrug.

"Well, that was short and sweet," noted Jack. "Why don't we just drive up to your Mom’s house this weekend and while y'all are shopping, I'll chill with Steve."

"We probably need to," I admitted. My Mother has a bad habit of not wanting to leave and it’s easier if I’m the one in control of leaving just in case I get overwhelmed. "But, the sound of her voice is making me think it's gonna be a long shopping trip." When my mother goes shopping, she has to look at every-single-item-in-the-entire-store a minimum of three times.

“I know how your mom is. However, you need to find your ‘Patience Pannies’ for the day because she just wants to be a grandmother.”

Most people have zero ‘Poker Face’. I can read facial expressions like no one’s business. The one that Jack was presenting to me now said something along the lines of 'Good Luck with That'.

Lately, I couldn’t look forward to spending time with my mom. She has a habit of repeating the same stories to constantly remind me about the abundance of comforts for being pregnant today versus thirty years ago when she was pregnant with me. She also feels compelled to remind me that neither of my grandmothers had access to air conditioning when they were pregnant.

As if I wasn't already sweating like I was a permanent resident in the flaming pits of

Hades.

"Besides, Steve and I can go play a round of golf and that should be perfect timing." Jack had something up his sleeve, but I'm not a mind-reader. I’m an Empath.

I could feel Jack's mood transition from happy to radiantly excited. "I can't believe it, Audra. We're having a little girl.”

Who was the glowing pregnant lady? Or was Jack having sympathy symptoms? The idea of him becoming empathetic too was making me nervous.

“If I get popped with a drug test because you have zero self-control, we will have war.”

“Bet.” His favorite response.

“You never did care if we have a boy or a girl, did you?” I asked, smiling while poking him with my eyes.

There was something exquisitely sexy about Jack in this moment. This was a different kind of sexy from watching him socialize in a group of friends with a beer in his hand and the aroma lingering on his breath. He was officially a dad now.

The look on his face confirmed his answer before he ever opened his mouth, “Not at all”. His deep southern accent drew me in for a kiss.

"Stennis!" called the nurse.

I stood up and walked toward my favorite nurse, smiling and still blushing with Jack a half a step behind me.

"Looking good, preggers. I’m glad y’all decided to stop fornicating in my waiting room long enough to see Dr. Walsh." Stephanie smiled. "So, what's the verdict?"

Stephanie is a beautiful curvaceous black woman whose sass may match mine.  I feed off that stuff! “You need to get your eyes checked?”

“I saw you two love birds making out in my waiting room.”

"We were not making out and we're having a girl," I beamed. “Now get your big gorgeous butt out of my way so that I can strip down and get finger-doodled by this old-fart doctor in front of my husband.”

Jack’s body heat was pulsating from embarrassment against my skin.

Dr. Walsh asked, “Old fart?” from his office, three doors down.

“Hey Dr. Walsh!”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Stephanie was giggling as she followed us into the tiny check-up room. She spouted off the usual statement of, "Take off your bottoms and cover yourself with the sheet and Dr. Walsh will be in to talk with you in just a minute." As she was closing the door, she threw in, “I gave you a full-size sheet this time instead of a twin size, you bodacious heifer.”

“Bless your heart Stephanie…you’re always so thoughtful!

She left us with a wink and a smile.

“Bodacious heifer….” Jack was shaking his head. “Where do y’all come up with this

stuff?”

“It’s magic. It just appears in our heads out of nowhere and without thinking for one single moment, the poetic prose escapes from our mouths like a Sunday afternoon NASCARR Race.”

Being married is fun! I decided to further test his limitations by attempting a strip tease while getting ready for my appointment.  First, I am the most uneducated person on the face of the earth when it comes to effectively performing a strip tease and two, it’s this kind of tom foolery that makes life so much fun!

“Do you really want your doctor to see you like that?”

“Um, I think he knows how women get pregnant.”

“True. But the story of how it happens is kind of private information.”

“s**t! So, I shouldn’t have told him that I failed out of Stripper School, landed you, and got knocked up by acting like a lady?”

“You suck sometimes.”

“True. But I swallow sometimes too.”

Jack literally choked on air. “Audra, there’s a crucifix on the wall. You’re officially going to Hell.”

“Yes, my doctor is Catholic too. No, he doesn’t go to Mass with us. Plus, if I’m going to Hell, so are you.” I pointed my index and middle finger at my eyes, then to his. “We’re married.”

“I’m probably going to die first though.” “Yep.”

“What are you trying to say, Audra?”

“That wherever I’m going you’ll be there first waiting on me like the gentleman you are.” I batted my eye lashes at him and tried to give him my best impression of a sweet and innocent female.

A quick knock on the door followed by, “Hey, hey Mrs. Stennis! How are you doing today?"

"I'm great! How about you?" This always made Dr. Walsh smile and the colors of his mood always got just a little bit brighter. I can’t be his only patient to ever ask how he was doing.

"I'm wonderful," was his usual reply. "Congratulations, I hear y'all are expecting a baby

girl!"

“Yep”, Jack and I said simultaneously.

Dr. Walsh looked at Jack with his most serious doctor face and without missing a beat said, “So, you hit it so hard you knocked the balls off, huh?”

Jack glanced over at me. “Where in the love of all that is Holy do you find these people?”

 “They’re naturally attracted to my charming personality.”

“You stole my line!” Dr. Walsh wasn’t even smiling, just mimicking his fake hurt feelings. That’s what I liked about him so much. You never knew if he was joking or serious.

I had no comeback. I could only get settled onto the table, feet in the stirrups.

Dr. Walsh proceeded to lower the sheet toward my pelvis and lifted my gown up over my baby bump. He pulled out what has to register as the World’s Smallest Tape Measure to measure my stomach. He pressed down firmly on my pelvic bone and pulled the measuring tape up Mount Saint Preggers to my navel.

All was good until Angela decided that she needed to show off.

She kicked my stomach with enough force to send the end of the tape that was on my navel flying out of Dr. Welch's fingers through the air, snapping back onto his fingers holding the base of the tape measure before sliding back into the hole housing the tape. The sound of the tape soaring through the air must have been more painful than the actual tape hitting Dr. Walsh’s fingers, or maybe it missed him all together, because he didn’t seem to flinch at all.

"Well," said Dr. Walsh, "we’re going to bump up your due date a little bit. It seems like Little Ms. Stennis is older than I thought."

"Okay, so when is my new due date?"

"Eeehhhh, let's shoot for November 1."

"But that's in two weeks," I exclaimed.

Sometimes, Jack and I had a wordless communication that made some people ask questions, but the truth is that we just knew each other very well. That, and a connection that could never be broken, sparked between us. Or at least I thought so.

I never considered it to be anything supernatural. We were just a perfect match, two individual halves that made up the whole. A marriage bonded by God.

Jack was giddy-scared now too.

I turned back to Dr. Walsh with the only thing that could stumble out of my mouth. "Okay," I repeated. It wasn't like I had an option.

Holy Toledo, now I’m really being forced to go shopping with mom!

"Also, Mrs. Stennis, I want to start seeing you twice a week." I could feel Dr. Walsh’s concern. The colors of his mood turned darker.

What was going on that he wasn't telling me? I looked him in the eyes, trying to read him, but nothing was coming through.

"Do you have any questions for me?"

"Is everything okay with our baby, Doc?" I had to know, especially since I couldn't read him very easy.

Dr. Walsh was always very patient and very kind. "Yes, Mrs. Stennis, your baby is fine.  It's customary that we increase your visits as you grow further along in your pregnancy."

“Well, Dr. Walsh. If I’m going to be seeing you every week now, don’t you think you should at least buy me lunch?”

I felt Jack roll his eyes. Dr. Walsh was quick. "Sounds like a plan! See you next week!” As he walked out of the room, I heard him say, “Stephanie, I just booked you a hot date next week.”

Jack, shaking his head, patiently waited for me to get dressed before taking my hand in his again as we walked in a peaceful silence back to the car.