Why Humans Make Bad Pets!

I have become Death, the destroyer of worlds III

Xkkrk left the room, still wearing the military combat harness she had found in the storage locker in the main lab, which, now that she thought about, it was rather odd thing to keep in a hospital, but she wasn't about to question it. Why did the head researcher on this Death Hospital have to be a Corti, and what the f**k had he been doing carrying a rotgut syringe for a preliminary examination. She supposed she shouldn't have assumed the heavy pulse-gun would have merely knocked Cqcq'trtr down, but after he had only been been dazed by the full discharge from a quarantine field emitter, she had lit into him with the heavy pulses without a second thought when he began charging towards the idiotic Corti. He had been moving so fast she was lucky she had hit him. He hadn't been hurt, which would have normally shocked Xkkrk, but at this point she would have been shocked if she could find anything that could hurt him.

She was mainly happy that he'd listened to reason. She knew he hadn't understood a word she'd said, but it felt good to shout after all the frustration he'd caused these past few days. It seemed Cqcq'trtr had understood her tone, and, more importantly, saw the truth in it and felt ashamed for his actions, at least that was her assumption she firmly believed was true, despite any solid evidence. This action removed any remaining vestiges of doubt left in her mind that he was intelligent. Animals feel guilt when caught in wrongdoings. Intelligent, and more importantly, moral creatures feel shame when they do something wrong, regardless of whether they are caught or not.

It took a while to explain why she was carrying the unconscious body of the lead researcher while wearing a military combat-harness and why the Corti's hazmat suit's face plate was shattered, but the matter was eventually cleared up. The more important outcome of her conversation with the stations security officer and second-in-command researcher was that they were alerted to the threat Cqcq'trtr could propose if he was threatened, and how to avoid doing so, mainly by not being Corti or carrying a rotgut injection, although the former had hardly been the lead researchers fault. They didn't seem to believe her, but she was enough of a nuisance that they finally said they would do as she said.

The second-in-command scientist prepared to do what had previously been the lead researchers job, readying a tray of syringes that was pointedly not containing any injection of the color blue. Under the protection of four guards in full military combat-harness', three with heavy pulse-guns and the last with an anti-tank gun

+*Why do they have an anti-tank gun in a hospital?*+

the examination of Cqcq'trtr began. The acting lead researcher was even more amazed by Cqcq'trtr's immune system than she had been, which was saying something, as she had sworn several times when she found out. The scientist, a Rrrrtktktktkp'ch whose name she learned was Qttvrr'xxkxtvn'zztktkqn'qr'zvpptrnmct, but he said she could just call him Qttvrr'xxkxtvn - so kind of him - nearly had a [nerdgasm] as he perused the results of the Mark III bio-scanner and an array of tests which had taken nearly an entire ric (30 minutes). She wouldn't have been surprised if he had started moaning.

The Rrrrtktktktkp'ch were evolutionary cousins of the Vzk'tk, but, as loath as Xkkrk was to admit it, they had a significantly greater capacity for intelligence than all but genius level Vzk'tk, of which there were very few in living memory, now that Xkkrk thought about it. She was about as intelligent as a Vzk'tk could ever hope to be, but she still had only been able to grasp the bare fundamentals of microbiology. Aside from their intellect the Rrrrtktktktkp'ch had one more pair of arms and legs than a Vzk'tk, and skin that was unstriped. They shared a common language though, on account of their similar vocal chords, except the Rrrrtktktktkp'ch's was hopelessly complex compared to the Vzk'tk.

"The immune system of this creature is incredible" Qttvrr'xxkxtvn gasped. "I've infected him with one of the viruses we keep at the lab-"

"You what!" Xkkrk shouted, but Qttvrr'xxkxtvn didn't stop. "And his body has completely eradicated it in five minutes! I infected him with Sipulari plague -"

"YOU WHAT!" Xkkrk screamed. Qttvrr'xxkxtvn was too excited to hear her thoughts about his hastily made decision. She guessed it didn't matter. The Sipulari plague had been cured decades ago, and the developed serum had been compatible with every species' immune system so far. There was no reason to assume it wouldn't work for Cqcq'trtr either, she hoped at least. It appeared the serum wouldn't be needed, though, as Qttvrr'xxkxtvn continued.

"And his body just turned into an antigen deathworld!! I don't think we'd be able to kill him with any bio-weapon on record, not even rotgut. I don't know half of what happened, but his body suddenly heated up as though it were an oven, and then it secreted a hormone that opened up previously small capillaries so they could be invaded by carnivorous Eukaryotic cells which ate anything tagged by another unknown protein, whose sole purpose was to find the antigen and then hold on to it as the Hunter Eukaryotes found it and ate it by turning into a macrophage, and all the while another kind of specialized cell with f*****g arms started snagging offending viruses left and right and holding them while the Eukaryotic monstrosities were eating them and it was beautiful."

He took a deep breath, for which Xkkrk was thankful. His white skin had started to turn blue during his speech. The moment he had his breath back he started up again. "I wonder what would happen if we infected it with a multicellular parasite. It already has several but they seem to have a symbiotic relationship with the creature and are ignored by the immune system."

"Absolutely not," Xkkrk interceded. "You're here to see if we can adapt any of his biological features into a cure for my crewmates, not satisfy your curiosity."

Qttvrr'xxkxtvn stiffened, suddenly a professional rather than an overexcited researcher. "I am well aware of my purpose in studying this being, but as it stands, anything we took from his body and tried to use in one of the other patients would invariably kill them the same as if we had put a pulse-gun to their head. His immune system would eat them alive. But maybe, if I study how it works, we'll be able to bioengineer similar cells which could be specifically made so that they would not kill the patient we injected them into. But before I can do that I need to study how his immune system works. I feel as though I've hardly scratched the surface."

Xkkrk didn't want to concede the point, but Qttvrr'xxkxtvn was right. The fact of the matter was, if they didn't figure out how to adapt Cqcq'trtr's immune system to her crewmates, they would most likely die. Forcing his immune system to work so they could understand its process was something any moral sapient being would allow, and if Cqcq'trtr wouldn't allow it . . . well, they couldn't understand what he said and vise versa, and she was willing to take advantage of that fact if it meant saving her family.

"Fine," Xkkrk said. "Continue as you see fit."