Why Humans Make Bad Pets!

I'm a strategic genius

Tnnxz struggled against Ztrkx's thug, but to no avail. The pirate's arms seemed to be bands of steel, and showed no sign of strain or even exertion as Tnnxz writhed desperately against him. He watched, helpless, as another of Ztrkx's cronies walked confidently over to Vtv and roughly grabbed his arm. He began to pull him towards the door. He only made it one step.

Cqcq'trtr, seemingly having sprouted invisible wings, flew at the pirate like a dervish, ripping the man away from Vtv and carrying him with momentum to the far wall, where the brief journey ended in a wet crunch. Now covered in gore, the nuisance - or savior, Tnnxz amended - used his new found avian abilities to spring atop the brute holding Xkkrk, killing him with his weight. Ztrkx had already begun drawing his weapon. A flash of pale tan which Tnnxz took several moments to realize had been Cqcq'trtr's arm shot through Tnnxz's captor's neck, ripping it out completely.

The loss of this rather important biological asset seemed to be too much for Tnnxz's restrainer, and he expired in a gout of blood, which, to Tnnxz's disgust, covered him. Tnnxz found he didn't mind at the moment, because at the same instant Tnnxz was covered in blood, he saw Ztrkx - who was considered an extremely quick draw but seemed slow compared to Cqcq'trtr - finally aim his pulse-pistol directly between the creatures eyes and remorselessly pull the trigger. The gun fired. Nothing happened. The pulse slammed into Cqcq'trtr's face and he didn't even move.

Tnnxz's jaw dropped, until blood found its way into his mouth and popping eyes and he started spluttering while trying to clear his vision. +*How had he survived that?!+ thought Tnnxz. +Never mind how he survived it, how did it not even touch him?*+ Tnnxz knew of no biological asset which would have allowed any living thing to survive a pulse-pistol shot in the head at close range, let alone emerge completely unscathed, unless Cqcq'trtr's entire body was that strong. Tnnxz finally managed to wipe his eyes clean, and opened them to an entirely new world. Ztrkx was no longer standing in front of him, but laid prone upon the ground [5 meters] from the doorway minus his head, which appeared to prefer the company of the floor rather than his neck.

Even more terrifying was Cqcq'trtr. He was charging three of Ztrkx's henchmen. Tnnxz almost felt pity for them as they fired round after accurate round into the enraged monster, striking him multiple times in the chest and head. The only thing their precision achieved was further aggravation of Cqcq'trtr until he was a veritable blur as he moved down the hall, bellowing in hatred. The blur reached the group of panicked pirates, and a fine purple mist suddenly engulfed them.

Tnnxz suddenly remembered that the children were seeing this. Heck, He was seeing this. Tnnxz, with the help of Xkkrk and two of the older children, lifted the heavy door from where Cqcq'trtr had carefully placed it . . . on his own . . . and fitted it back into the door frame, pushing and shifting it until it stayed without assistance. Tnnxz quickly turned off the lights so the room's occupants wouldn't have to look at the staring eyes of Cqcq'trtr's victims.

Even though the sights were hidden, the door, fitted imperfectly into the door frame, couldn't block out the sounds. The screams of Ztrkx's crew members and frantic pulse-pistol fire erupted from somewhere mid-ship, but was silenced nearly as soon as it had begun. Their ordeal wasn't over yet, for several [seconds] after the screaming and shooting stopped the entire ship shuddered, its hull emitting an ear-splitting c***k. The door, which had essentially been balancing in the door frame, was suddenly sucked flush back into position. Judging by the sounds coming from the other side there'd been a major hull breach.

"Why aren't the emergency force-fields turning on?" asked Rccw, who was nearly old enough to be trained as an engineer himself.

"This ship's old," Explained Tnnxz, his face grim. "I'd be surprised if any of the emergency force-fields of even half of the security force-fields worked anymore." The moment he finished speaking, however, the door was suddenly released from its death grip upon the frame and promptly fell to the floor for the second time that day. Tnnxz wished it hadn't. The ship . . . well . . . was there.

It would have appeared disastrous enough with the copious amount of blood and entrails which seemed to have been thrown about the ship as though by a psychopathic interior decorator. With the hull breach having moved anything light that hadn't been bolted down, however, Tnnxz's precious Crixa seemed to be as dead as it's one time co-owner, who now seemed to be attempting to introduce every [milliliter] of his blood to the floor as well. As Tnnxz picked his way through the wreckage the c*****e only intensified. Cargo bay 9, which still bore the marks of Cqcq'trtr feeding himself, now appeared to be one of the cleanest areas of the ship.

The docking bay was by far the worst; The walls appeared to be more purple than grey. The starboard airlock had been reduced to scrap and the hull breach was being contained by +*What the f**k?*+ the medical bay door. Surrounded by it all, Cqcq'trtr stood in the middle of the docking bay slumped in slight fatigue, holding a Fusion Blade of all things, and, Tnnxz could have sworn, looking more pleased with himself then Tnnxz had ever seen him before.

Dear Journal,

Who the f**k am I kidding, I don't have a journal. I'm just narrating this in my head and prefacing it with "Dear Journal" because it helps me keep my verb tense and sentence structures the same. Why am I even bothering to narrate this? I should just stop.

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Ok Journal. I'm sorry. Pretty please come back?

Dear Journal,

I'm a strategic genius.

Oh, and I think I'm one of the good ones.

To answer that last question.

I swear I hadn't meant to make the ship look like that. And really, if we were going to point the finger at anyone, then it would have mostly been Twinkle-Toes' fault. I wasn't the one that shot a Drilling Laser at the bulkhead of the ship which was keeping all the oxygen in! I may have been the reason that he pulled the trigger, but I can't be blamed for other's actions. I heard myself coming up with all these excuses as Severus surveyed my handiwork with the slack-jawed expression of a cow staring down a semi on the interstate.

My fears were unwarranted, however. I won't recount all the disgustingly "heartfelt" details, but apparently the blue-giraffes figured out why I had done it. At least, I think Mama knew it right away and had to enlighten Severus. That guy did not have the intellect of his namesake. The worst part about their thanks was when I discovered that their equivalent of a hug involved twisting their neck around that of the fortunate recipient. My neck wasn't quite as flexible as theirs, and when I tried to replicate the quarter twist movement they were demonstrating I ended up nearly crushing Severus' windpipe between my chin and shoulder.

Once that misunderstanding was cleared up I settled for just standing there awkwardly while they twisted their necks around mine in a brief hug, looking as though I was on the receiving end of the strangest and most inefficient attempt to strangle someone. I considered adding a new definition to the term "necking" to UrbanDictionary when I got home.