Why Humans Make Bad Pets!

I’m a military genius IV

I couldn’t believe it. They were helping us! The enemy was firing on their own monsters! I’d thought I was screwed with the rest of my squad. The four dragons that hadn’t attacked me had scattered our hover-hummers, but I hadn’t been able to see what happened afterwards. My attention was distracted by the only one of my three attackers still alive. Enraged at the not-so-gentle-push that denied him his vengeance, the dragon leapt at me. Classic dragon opening move, that. I’d seen it a hundred times before – maybe more like four – and I was ready for it. I needn’t have been. Unlucky lizard attacker number three exploded in between point A and point B. Whipping around, I saw an entire squadron of enemy tanks descending upon our melee. I prepared to attack, but then I noticed they weren’t attacking me or my squad. They were helping us.

+*What. Even.*+

I wasn’t going to complain though, and neither was my squad from the look of things. I don’t know how much longer they would have lasted. They had managed to stay in their hover-hummers, which was good since I doubted the magical confusion field that seemed to make the enemy completely ignore our actions wouldn’t last if they got a look at the people inside the crafts. Aside from staying in the hummers, though, they hadn’t accomplished much else. Two were disabled thanks to dragons that had shredded their engine blocks or whatever it was that drove the whole “hover” component.

Aside from the fact that we were surrounded by apparently friendly enemies, things were going pretty well. So well in fact that it was just about time for fate to throw another fast ball our way, which arrived in the form of another clutch of drakes. Pandemonium reigned once more. I was, as per usual, a popular attraction as far as targets were concerned. Two dived for me. What the heck, it had worked once before. Jumping at the first one when it was a mere 7 meters above the ground I jumped forward and under it’s fall, slicing it’s neck and chest as I passed. That was the intent at least. I think I led a little too early with my scimitars and ended up getting it’s jaw and cheek, but I still cut far enough into its head.

Plowing into the ground the unfortunate lizard was hit in the back by the second dragon which had been coming at me from behind, crashing into the ground in a jumbled heap. It’s companion’s body cushioned it’s fall, if metal hard scales can really said to be able to “cushion” anything, and it regained its feet, although unsteadily, and attacked me with quick swipes of its claws.

Crap, I prefer it when they’re charging me. I jumped away from the first few swings, but wouldn’t be able to manage it for long. The air on this planet was ridiculously thin, and while it was thick enough for me to keep my head clear, I couldn’t keep up any kind of large physical exertion for long. I was already slowing. So was the dragon. In fact, he was having significantly more trouble than I was. Breathing great hefts of air, it didn’t seem to be able to get enough. I knew the feeling; I was starting to experience it as well. Wanting to end this fight before both of us ended up passed out on the ground to be run over by a tank, I aimed a swing at his arm on its next pass. The dragon tried to avoid my attack, but couldn’t, and it’s appendage came off at the elbow.

Roaring in pain, it exploded with new vigor. Frightened by its roaring right in my ear, so did I. Adrenaline fuelled and angry (or frightened in my case) we spent the next few minutes playing cat and mouse around the corpse of a tank. Guess which one was the mouse. Then he spoiled the sport by flipping the tank out of the way and throwing himself towards me, intending to knock me from my feet with a sweeping blow to my knees with his remaining foreleg. I blocked it with the edge of my lava scimitar.

It turns out lava swards aren’t really all that good at blocking. They tend to burn or cut off anything that touches their blade. T-rex the dragon only succeeded in loping off his other foreleg. Lucky for me too, since I doubted I would have taken too well to being smashed by the momentum of his attack. As it was I was still thrown off my feet as his arm, newly detached at the bicep, flew into legs, sweeping them out from under me and carrying me a good 50 centimeters back. Apparently dragons don’t take well to becoming wyverns, and T-rex, lacking the balance of his name-sake, flopped on the ground, attempting to balance on the forelegs that, in proportion to his body, appeared stubbier than a corgi’s.

The exertion had pushed me very nearly to the limit of my lungs, already straining to find more oxygen in this accursedly thin atmosphere, and I think I blacked out for a few seconds. When I regained full awareness, a tank had put Big T out of his misery and several more clutches of dragons and squadrons of tanks had entered the clusterfuck around me.