Never an Ever After

Snow White

SONG FOR THIS CHAPTER:

AND I-BOYZONE

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

ELLORA

Eight years have passed. A lot has changed in that years.

I have changed. Nashville changed. And Ronan changed.

But what isn’t change is James. He’s still not into me, for all those years, I have seeing him with other girls in school that isn’t me. I thought in time, he will see me too. That he will notice me eventually. But it’s so impossible when he’s too busy when anyone else.

I've done everything to make him notice me too. I changed the way I dress, I changed myself and tried to be better. But I can't do what all the other women with him do. It's just not me at all. As much as I want him for me to love me back, I can’t totally change myself in order for him to bat an eye on me. I just wish he would.

I have been loving that man for what it feels like an eternity, but he doesn’t want me.

I know there is nothing wrong with what I do because I see and notice that other men also appreciate me. For eight years, I didn't even get a chance to have someone ask me out on a date, someone who will take me out to watch movies. Someone who will have a coffee with me in the morning. They are seeing me, but before I became interested, they were dating someone new. They immediately lose interest in me. And I don't know why.

I almost see them as afraid. Of me?

Papa became even more strict as time went by.

He was clear to me that I shouldn’t get myself involved with Ronan or even Mrs. Hawthorne who secretly become my mentor in ballet school.

When I am in my junior year in high school, Papa noticed how I loved Ballet and he wanted me to stop right away. Stop from doing ballet. He said Mama is just like me, ballet is the reason why Mama left us, but for me it’s unfair for me to stop doing something I love just because someone did bad on it and I am the one who will have to pay the price.

But off course, I didn’t say no to Papa.

I am all the he has left and I know what he meant for me is good.

I can’t say no to him even if I wanted to. I even said yes for him when he said I should stay away from Ronan.

I know you think of me as a very bed friend that I leave my friend in time he needed me the most. But Ronan stayed away from me too, and I don’t know why.

Every time I am looking at him, he’s looking anywhere but me.

Did I do something to him?

For the past years, I am questioning myself if Ronan’s reason of staying away from me too is because of that last Sunday service we have before he disappeared. He’s mad at me and Papa. Because I know the insult and criticism that Papa throws at his Dad that day made him so mad. We even talked about it before, and I am the one to have to say sorry for my Papa’s action.

But as time went by, I learned to accept the fact that both of us can no longer be friend anymore. He became this distant memory I have when I am just a ten-year-old girl.

I no longer remember him as my friend Ronan who was kind and soft and clever. All I can see right now is the Ronan that everyone fears, Ronan who is a mystery, Ronan who is powerful, and Ronan who is following in his father’s footsteps in running Nashville. That's all I recognized him for.

He even blacked his bedroom window before up until now, so it’s fine.

That's why I was so shocked on my first day of school and I'm used to not receiving a word or a smile from him for years and he suddenly tells me that I am trying to gain some attention to my clothes that I don't see anything wrong because what I am wearing is the standard uniform of the school.

This is his first word, his first glace and first touch that he made with me since then. And it was full of insult.

That’s when I thought that I get rid of him, I am studying and sets my focus to the professor in the class when I felt someone sat behind me. I didn’t pay much attention to who is it because I am busy listening that is when professor McCann mention who sat behind me “It’s a pleasure for joining us here, Mr. Hawthorne.”

I didn’t know why he made me so nervous after that night I saw him after his disappearance, but he just made me feel uncomfortable just by looking at me. I sit still and swallowed hard and didn’t bother to look at him from my behind.

“Sorry, Professor McCann for I’m being late.” He growls that I felt he’s so much closer to me.

“Be on time next time.” The professor continues to her lecture but I can’t focus now, all I can feel is him behind me as if he’s breathing so close to my hair that sends the hair at the back of my neck rise.

I know my chest is thundering in beats. As I heard him huff a silent chuckle. Did he just feel my heartbeat?

This is not a good reaction, this is fear.

I am scared of him and what he’s capable of. Rumor surrounds the thick walls of the school about what he does and he’s doing every night. And I don’t want to know the details knowing that he’s been living beside my house for almost nine years.

“Nervous, snow white?” he growls behind my ear that I flinched and swallowed hard.

“Never.” I fight back. Never in a million years I will admit to him that I am scared of him, maybe it will feed him off.

He chuckles a very low growl that vibrates inside me. “Miss you, snow white.” There’s no humor in his voice when he said that. It has been so long since he called me that again. Snow white.

I don’t know what happened today, that he decides to graced me with his presence and attention.

But I wished he just didn’t.