Never an Ever After

The Devil

SONG FOR THIS CHAPTER:

SWEET-CIGARETTES AFTER SEX

CHAPTER TWNETY

ELLORA

I fell asleep last night, I cried myself to sleep and pour all my emotions all at once.

I promise myself that I won’t let Ronan see that he held some part of me, that he deserves some emotions towards me nothing but anger. But last night, I felt like I beg him with my eyes not to give me some attention, not to set his eyes on me. because as far as I know, almost all the eyes inside the old church is on me, because his is on mine.

The thing about this place is whenever a Hawthorne is on the move, everyone else follows.

But I thought last night is what Demi told me “What happened inside the Saint Mary’s Church, Stays in Saint Mary.”

Maybe the few students who knew me last night won't spread what happened last night.

Or so I thought?

Since Demi and I had just entered the corridors of NU, I could see in the people that they knew something from what happened last night. The whispers, the glance and even the laughter in it are the very ones telling me that they already know what happened. Demi didn't leave my side and she tightened her grip on me even more.

For years, I didn’t experience this thing in school because I have tried my very best to stay on my lane and not to earn unnecessary attentions for myself. Not ever, until now. Just because a Hawthorne sets me on the spotlight. And I don’t even know why? Why I deserve such humiliation from him? As far as I know, it is a mutual decision for us to part ways eight years ago. Why is he mad at me? Does he blame me or my father for his kidnapping eight years ago? I don’t know. I am clueless and in the dark. But I won’t let him see that.

I swallowed hard when I see my picture from last night, pictures of me spreading wet and my lace bra is present in my wet shirt as I am looking around me. My locker is painted in red paint saying Slut. I opened it to see much worse, used condoms are inside my locker that made my books wet from it. Demi gasped beside me, as I wanted to vomit as laughter echoes all over me. I run because a sudden vomit is threatening on my throat, Demi runs with me as more laughter booms around me.

When I reached the comfort room, some girls are already inside and Demi made them go out. Demi is surprisingly feared here in NU too. That’s because she’s famous for beating people especially those bullies who tried to bullied me before. And also, because she used to date Cloud, and Cloud just like James and Ronan is untouchable.

I vomits all the food I had digested this morning, the stench smell of those awfully dirty used condoms that only god knows where that comes from. Demi assist me.

“I swear to f*****g god, I am going to kill whoever did that to you.” Demi warns.

I clutch my chest hard "I thought no one was going to try to bring out what's going on inside Saint Mary's? How did they find out?" I asked her in full curiosity. What worries me more is that the school committee who is a loyal devotee of Papa's church may find out and Papa will find out that I went to a fight club in the middle of the night.

She nods her head “I am sure Ronan, James and Cloud will try to figure this s**t out.” Her face becomes pale “Or..”

“Or what, Dem?” I pressed.

"Or they themselves released it to the whole school. They are the only ones with authority when it comes to this and the people here are too scared to do this and put them in trouble especially Ronan.” She continued and suddenly it all makes sense.

He won’t stop to make me see suffering his hands, I know his going to do this. Ad no one will ever try to defy them as long as it’s them.

I sighed and lean on the bathroom counter “Fuck.”

“What does he want from you?” Demi looks like wanted to pass out, she believes that Ronan likes me all these years, and now she was slapped in the reality that Ronan isn’t. What person would do such a thing to the person they want? No one. Ronan only wants revenge. Revenge for something I don’t know. But the question is; Why now? All of sudden he becomes like this towards me after treating me like just a figment of his mind for a while, and now he’s doing this? What triggered him? There’s so many questions going on inside my head right now, so many questions that I know will left unanswered, just like a mystery he became eight years ago.

I had the courage to enter my first class knowing that people and their insults would not stop me, I didn't want to affect my studies just because of the shallowness of their brain's understanding to see immediately in a picture that has almost no whole context. they just saw me wet and its wetness brings my maroon bra to poke out in my white shirt, that doesn't mean I am a slut already or gaining some attention. The one I am trying to gain the attention from is James. Not anyone else, but him. And even if I tried to, I won’t stoop that low, even if I loved that boy so much. No. That’s not me.

Luckily, the professor isn’t here yet, some girls giggling while looking at me and some calling me in their own words “Stinky Slut.” I tired to brushed them all of and keep myself busy reading my book; Pride and Prejudice. And let the book swallow me alive, it’s better there than to be here.

A huge body sat down beside me and I slowly looked up to see it is the Devil himself, looking straight ahead without sparing me a glance. And suddenly all the whispers, the side glance and the giggles stopped.

I didn't talk to him, instead I pushed my chair away from him but that doesn't stop him in just one swoop, he pushed my chair closer to him that made me squeal.

He looks at me, smirking while looking at me intently.

I know we are gaining some attention once again.

“Leave me alone, Ronan.” I looked straight ahead.

“Say that again.” He growls and I looked at him curiously.

“What?”

“Say my f*****g name again.” He didn’t leave my gazed.

I chuckle humorlessly not giving him what he wants. I continued to read my book, or should I say pretended to read my boo. How can I focus when I know Ronan is beside me and sending me daggers?

“Don’t be afraid nor feel threatened.” He said, this time he’s looking ahead and not in me.

“I am not.”

“You are, Snow white. I can feel it in your f*****g bones and flesh.”

“Just—Just leave me alone, just the way you’re supposed to do.” He snapped his head on me as his eyes search mine. Well, okay that came out like I am sad that he stopped being my friend.

But just looking at his eyes even closer, I see that my friend was long before gone. He’s not even there anymore. As in his vanished without a trace.

"I'll find out who did that." Hi voice if full of venom.

I shake my head and avoid looking at him as I laughed darkly because I know it’s him.

“You think I f*****g did that to you?”

I looked at him again “Then who? Who could have done something that awful to me but you?”

Both of us stared at each other, fighting a silent battle.

The professor came in and I tried my best to look ahead on her and pretend to focus.

Ronan is still looking at me.

My chest wants to explode in emotions I didn’t know as he was being this closer to me after all these years.

As the teacher starts to lecture, I flinched when Ronan suddenly stood up and leave the classroom, and all I can see is his back heading to the door, walking out as if he owns the room, oh right, he literally owns this and all the part of Nashville.

Even the professor didn’t bother to called him out of his attitude, because who would want to face the wrath of the Devil?

Obviously, me.

He said that he didn’t do it, who could have done such things to me lately?

But, something in his eyes tells me that he won’t do that to me.

I know I shouldn’t trust the Devil, but his presence earlier makes me feel safe and calm among all the chaos around me.

But I have to slapped myself with the reality, that he is not the Ronan I have known all those years ago, the Ronan I know is gone when he comes back home that faithful night.