Never an Ever After

Fear

SONG FOR THIS CHAPTER:

YOU ARE THE REASON-CALUM SCOTT

CHAPTER ELEVEN

RONAN

I never opened the window again; the blinds are already installed. I don’t have to see her again.

That night, the private nurse my parents hire, prepared the oxygen apparatus that I will be needing for my sleep.

The night I escaped the lady in red shoes, I know that life will never be the same.

I will never be the same ever again.

But I have to.

The way I saw my parents, the grave look on their face when they heard the news about me. I would never want to see that horror in their face ever again.

I don’t want the pitied look everyone’s giving me.

I don’t want to feel helpless and broken.

I have to be strong for me.

I am a Hawthorne after all.

I don't want to feel like I can't do anything for myself again, When I was in the barn until now, I've come home. Because the truth is; I am helpless and broken. I don't know if everything I lost will come back. My emotions and my sleep.

I don’t want people to know that the sole heir of the Hawthorns can’t sleep without the help of oxygen. I wanted to cry and hug Mom and Dad, but I knew they would be hurt more when they saw I couldn't stand it. I need to learn to cope my feelings all by myself. I still want Dad to be proud of me despite what happened.

If I can survive the night without sleeping, I won't sleep. If I can hide the void of my emotions, I'll do it. Even if I pretend, I’m still normal. I am the only one who needs to know the truth. No one else.

Dad tightened the security more.

I don’t want to feel like I am a child that needs protection.

I have to learn to protect myself to this ugly, dark world we have that I have seen this early.

I insist that I should go back to school this week. I don’t want everyone else here in Nashville thinks that I can’t handle things. Because I can, and I would.

Mom and Dad still didn't want me to go to school, but I convinced them that I am okay. I even flashed them a smile that I knew they become more worried about.

That morning, James waited for me on the front porch of our house to accompany me. I said goodbye as I was leaving Mom and Dad. I knew they were still nervous that whoever kidnapped me might come back. The police question me, but I didn't tell them any details but I forgot or I can't see what she looks like. I know this is a twisted thinking for a 10-year-old boy, but I am the one who will find her, I will make her pay for what she did to me and nothing else.

I think maybe it’s Dad’s one of enemies. So even though I don’t want to feel it, I feel angry with Dad. If he hadn't been a politician here in Nashville, this wouldn't have happened to me. I blamed him. I blamed him for what happens to me.

James and I were waiting in the bus stop just like what we usually do before. He asked questions and I start my façade.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

I smiled at him “I am.”

"Aren't you scared?"

I shake my head, shrugging. Making my best not to show any emotions “Actually, I can’t remember anything at all.”

“Really?”

I nod “Yeah.” I tap his shoulder then I see a poster sticking in the post. I walk towards it and look at the piece of paper. It is me. a missing poster.

I scrunch my face who would do this is absurd idea just to find me?

“It’s Ellora.” James chimed.

“What?”

“It’s Ellora who did that, she even went around the whole neighborhood to stick it on the poles." He smiled at me proudly “Hey, don't worry. I helped her too. "

I smiled at him “Thank you.” I sighed “Guess I have to thanked her too.”

As if on cue, Ellora came to view. I try as best as I can not to tremble as the sight of her long velvet hair cascades along with the wind. She was walking towards the bus stop when she stops as she saw me. she has this worried scary expression written all over her face. Did I scare her?

The resemblance between her and the lady in the red shoes in comparable. It’s as if she’s made to make me remembered those horrible nights I have.

I tilted my head as I smirks at her, oh how I love when I see her scared. Call me anything but it makes my ego proud to see her scared of me. afraid of me even more.

I saw her swallowed hard as the bus came; the bus saved her from me.

James invited me to take the bus and he went first, Ellora walks painfully slow as if she was letting me ride first. I chose to torment her more. I didn't remove my gaze at her along with my smirks.

Found a new interesting toy I ever had. I felt when I saw her fear, I was very strong. That I am bigger. That I should be feared. Her fear feeds my confidence from now on.