Never an Ever After

Different

SONG FOR THIS CHAPTER:

EVERYTHING I DO (I DO IT FOR YOU)-BRYAN ADAMS

CHAPTER THIRTY

ELLORA

I got home.

For a moment I was amazed how I managed to get home in the state I am last night.

I was devastated, broken, disappointed and I feel tainted.

The way his hands grip my body tightly is engraved in every memory I have last night.

The way he kissed me, No, wait. That’s not a kiss. He ravaged me like a hungry animal.

Everything I’ve experienced and felt for the past days is nothing to the fear I felt last night at Ronan’s mercy. The way his eyes darken and dilates while looking at me.

For a moment, I thought he’s going deeper. Darker. And uglier.

But he didn’t.

I keep thinking that it’s just a kiss, it’s just a touch. But why do I feel so dirty?

When I got home last night, I went straight to my bathroom and soaked myself in the bath tub and cleaned myself thoroughly. I cried and cried and cried some more until I feel like I have no more tears to shed. Because tomorrow, I have to be strong and get up. I also don't know who to tell what happened, other than nothing really happened. The Hawthorne are too powerful. Ronan is powerful. And no one will believe me because for the past week I am painted as the Deacon's w***e.

I also don’t know how I fell asleep, as long as I just felt like I am too numb to care. And thankfully, I still found sleep. maybe I am too exhausted and tired.

This morning, when I woke up, I didn't feel well. It was as if my body was heavy and my head was shaking over and over again. But I still managed to prepare Papa’s breakfast. He can’t know about this, he won’t take this well. He will fight or even kill Ronan for laying his tattooed hands on mine. He will be in so much pain every time he will look at me, thinking he failed me. when in fact, it is my fault for getting to that party. I shouldn’t be there, I don’t belong there but I cross my line, and this is what happened when someone is too stubborn to stay on their own lane.

Papa cupped my cheeks and worries is etched on his face “Darling, are you okay? You’re pale.”

I shake my head as my head is throbbing and my chest is heavy “No, Papa. I just want to take a rest for today.”

He nods “Sure. I'll just call your school office to let them know that you're not going to class today. "

I tried my best to smile as Papa kissed the top of my head “Thank you, Papa.”

“I needed to go, but call me if you need anything and just rest for the meantime, okay?”

I nod. He kissed the top of my head once again as he leaves.

I am just now in the comfort of my home, I locked everything just in case. I can’t afford to see him right now.

Once again for some time, I fell asleep and when I wake up my bedroom window is close while there’s rain pattering outside. The sky is dark too, I looked at the clock in my night stand and it says seven o’ clock in the evening, I feel my stomach grumbles. I weakly sit straight to prepare myself a decent meal when the thunder roars along with its lightning.

Then I see him.

Him.

Sitting comfortably in my couch, looking straight at me. I stiffened and I tightened the grip on my night gown I am wearing.

“What’s the problem, Snow white?” His voice is low as my inside starts to shakes once again. Memories of last night flashed in my eyes again.

“Nothing.” I tried my best not to sound scared, but his dark chuckles say he knows I am scared.

"Are you avoiding me?"

"Why would I? Did you do something bad to me?" I challenged him as tears starts to accumulate in my eyes again, I'm angry. Beyond mad for what he did to me.

He stood up smoothly as I froze in my bed, watching his every step towards me. When he’s closes on top of me, I swallowed hard in fear for my life again. His hands slowly travel on my face down to my neck, I am breathing hard. I am afraid.

“You are f*****g burning, Snow white.” His voice full of concern. No, don’t ever trust him.

I swat his hands away “I am fine.”

“No, you’re f*****g not.” In just one swoop I am in his arms, His carrying me downstairs. I tried to hit him on his chest but I figured I am too weak “Bring me down.” My voice came out weakly.

“Not happening. You are f*****g sick and you need to get in the hospital.” He growls as he put me on the passenger side of his car, he run back inside but not without locking his car, he might think I will run away. When he came back, he’s holding a blanket and opened his car and put it all over me as his skin sends friction in my hot body.

What is that?

He hop on the driver seat as he starts to drive and I just lean my head on his car window, feeling so weak and vulnerable.

Then I remembered what lag I was wearing. A thin white night gown overlooking my entire body. "Ro-" I couldn't finish what I was about to say because my chest suddenly tightened.

“What is it?” he asked panicking. This is the first time I have seen him panics, I always see him as proper and calculated.

He holds my knee and I flinched and I know he sees it, because he removed his hands and swallowed hard. Or he scoffed.

"The one I'm wearing--" I couldn't form a sentence because of the weight of my chest.

So, I have no other choice but to open the blanket that hugging me and the car stopped in a halt instantly as his eyes flew to my body.

He looks at me, and I know he sees my body because of the night gown I’m wearing.

“I need to change.”

He shakes his head, his eyes still on my body as I wrapped the blanket again on me, his eyes find mine “They wouldn’t even dare to look at you when I am with you.”

Reassurance. Protection.

That’s what I feel when he said those words.

It’s funny to think that the person who did bad to me is what I need now. Because I have no other choice but him. Because he is here. And no one else.

Arriving at the hospital, Ronan hurried out to climb of his car, when he did, he opened the door on my side and slowly lifted me up as if I am a fragile thing to take care of. The Ronan I see and am with now is gentle and caring. Far from Ronan who was with me last night.

I can't understand what those around me are saying as Ronan laid me on the stretcher or bed, I don't know because my visons become blurry. But in those moments, all I can see is him on my face looking so worried.

I know I’m still mad and scared from him. But I need someone I know, someone familiar with me right now. I hold onto his hands as darkness starts to engulfed me.