A Fated Nexus

Beta Blockers

I set my alarm a little earlier than usual, not that it was needed.  It seems my friends Dimen and Codeine couldn't even suppress my anxiety enough to get even an hour's worth of sleep.

This wasn't going to bode well for me when I have to stand in front of the most powerful wolf on this side of the country.  Part of me wondered if this was a trick to get me back onto pack grounds.  It was really never clear to me nor was it written into any contract that I needed to return to the land of supernatural beings after I turned 18, but there was always a nagging sensation in the back of my head.  There was always this underlying paranoia where I would let it slip that I was a monster crawling under human skin, if not by word of mouth, then it would be through my actions.  I still remember the last date I went on where I nearly exposed myself to humankind.  He so generously gifted me a silver bracelet and insisted on me wearing it that night, he clasped it shut for me and I needed to contain the pain during our dinner as the chain created deep burns and lacerations.  It took mere hours for me to heal from that wound, but it was enough for me to end things with him.  That was nearly four years ago and I still haven't been able to muster up the courage to even try dating again.

I looked down at my healed wrist in bed and smirked. It was a difficult position to be in; on one hand, I wanted to scrub the wolf out of my soul be it with wolfsbane or pure lye.  Whichever method worked faster.  I hated that something so primal and archaic consumed so much space in my brain.  On the other hand, my wolf has saved my ass a number of times.  Her heightened sense of smell and emotion allows me to steer clear of certain events in my life.  Her presence while I'm alone, although quite forward, is welcomed since I'm not one to socialize often.  We were fated to be together and share this life, and I'm positive Grace feels the same way I do most of the time, especially when I try to drown her out with my concoctions. 

I sat up in bed and rubbed my eyes several times.  I combed my fingers through my hair and let out a yawn that echoed back like a massive sigh.  I hopped out of bed and did my morning routine.  When I was finished washing my face and straightening my hair, I walked over to my closet.  I paused for a moment while I looked at my wardrobe.  What do you wear to meet an Alpha who you haven't seen in over ten years? I pushed through the scrubs and jackets and found a longer pencil skirt with a matching blazer.  Something formal with a punch of business should do it.  I snatched a blouse from the shelf and pulled it clumsily over my torso.  I finished it off with some short heels and ran to the kitchen to grab my morning granola bar.  Once my breakfast was between my teeth, I swiped my cell off the counter and texted Mark,

I'm going to be late coming in this morning, business stuff for our research.  Pray for me!

I snickered at the last sentence and placed my phone in my purse.  I checked the clock one last time to ensure I wasn't running behind.  Traffic was going to be completely unreasonable if I drove at this time, so I opted to take transit.  The bus would be arriving about a block away in five minutes if I was fast.  I smirked at that thought, though it's been years since I've used my speed tracking, I would definitely turn heads if I tried it in this neighbourhood, but they'd have to catch me first. 

I bolted out the door with my purse and food in tow, hoping this would be a short and sweet meeting as I wasn't able to grab a coffee in time.  I made it to the bus stop with seconds to spare and took a seat near the back.  I'd be on this route for at least fifteen minutes which gave me some much needed time to gather myself.  I was about to run through my research pitch in my head when Grace cut me off,

Don’t be nervous.

Are you out of our mind? I’m still trying to wrap my head around the idea of why the Alpha wants to speak with us in the first place, this could easily have been settled between Andrew and I, he doesn’t need to involve himself.  I’m sure he’s already too busy as it is!

Andrew said it was also pack related.  Did you stop to think that maybe your parents are involved? Maybe they miss you? Maybe they’re not in good health--

--Oh good, Grace, 

I huffed in irritation and rolled my eyes. 

 ...Let’s just chalk it up to something else that I’m going to have to worry about this entire trip…

I’m not trying to scare you, you do that well enough on your own.  I’m just stating that there is obviously some reason, some important reason, as to why he’s requested your presence.

If my parents weren’t well I’d hope they would contact me themselves, even if they didn’t, it still wouldn’t require—

--Goddess would you shut up already? I used it to get your attention and now you’re stuck in your own head

You’re stuck in my head…

And you’re being immature.  I need you to try and think straight for once.  You may want to wash your hands of being a wolf, but it doesn’t excuse you from what the Moon Goddess wants for us or what she has fated for us.  

So…you think that this whole…our whole…this thing we are doing has a purpose of some sort?

I’m not completely sure, but it feels that way to me.

I paused in my seat for a moment and took in what Grace was telling me.  My heart rate slowly sped up, and I felt like it had been an hour since I blinked. 

…this isn’t helping my nerves at all, you know that right? It’s not like I can tip anything back for this right now to help calm me down…

I know, it’s important that you stay in that state of mind, at least for now.

I silenced our conversation and put my chin in my hands.  I felt my attention draw back to the far recesses of my brain that was spawning “what ifs” and “what wills” faster than I could put them to rest.  My heart felt like it was going to pump right out of my chest, and my body was trying to hold all of its vitals inside.  There was no way out of this meeting, and the other reason why the Alpha would meet with me was to tell me that I was doomed or banished for some reason or the other.  That had to be it.  I wasn’t on his territory for over a decade, my warranty was up, my time has been ticked. I just happened to get on his radar now since I had sassed his Gamma.

Part of me felt proud of what was to come, that I could finally be free of the prison that was being genetically tied to Blood Moon, pack that had built their success of the backs of human sickness. There was also the nagging part of me that knew I could never fully cut ties with who I am, I would be considered a rogue who would not have permission to pass the borders of my territory.  I sighed, not knowing what to do, and I went through my head several times on how to prepare for this news, this…this blow that will be dealt to me. 

The bus made its last stop at Terminal Boulevard which is where I’d be getting off to transfer onto the next bus.  I stumbled down the steps quickly and waited.  When the next bus pulled up in front of me, I found my space near the back--a window seat this time--and pressed my face against it.  I always thought I knew what my heart wanted, especially after I finished school and was offered my position at Mestopharm.   I knew I wanted to be a part of the change to humanity.  I have always been fascinated with them and their ability to thrive and evolve so quickly despite their lack of speed, agility, and common sense.  It was cute to me, and the part that I enjoyed the most was their ability to have free will.  Nothing was chosen for them, they weren’t guided by hazes or heat, nothing was forcing them towards one another.  It was all purely because they wanted to. It was something I knew I could never have, but if I could help them hang onto that just a little while longer without the incessant worry of disease or early mortality, then I was happy to help keep my little snow globe idea of perfection alive with my knowledge. 

The bus came to a stop a couple of blocks before 125th street.  This was my final stop.  I could feel my heart trying to escape out of my mouth as my toes hit the cement.  I wanted to walk slower, but I only had a precious few minutes before the clock struck eight.  Most Alphas react poorly to late mentality, and I already was a nervous wreck, if I pissed him off enough, there was nothing stopping him from shifting on the top floor of that tower and making quick work of banishing me. 

You really just go from zero to sixty don’t you?

I don’t know why you’re not, you also haven’t been in his presence in years.  You can’t even try to empathize with how I’m feeling?

I would have cause to feel worried, but the Gammas rather impotent threats haven’t phased me whatsoever.  

You don’t think there’s anything egregious behind how Andrew treated me?

I know I would have felt it if there was.

I drew in a deep breath and tried to take what Grace said to heart.  I knew she was right, but that didn’t stop me from the daunting reality that was now directly in front of me.  A mere ten feet from my form stood a building that must have been a hundred stories high, with an all-glass structure.  The building twisted like a strand of DNA all the way up, and the long line of neon lights seemed to reach up to the sky.  I walked up the steps cautiously, bowing my head instinctively and trying to remember my etiquette around ranked members.  An older gentleman in all black greeted me at the door asking who I was.

“Good morning Miss, please state your business with Allied Pharmaceuticals”

I cleared my throat and managed to look him in the eye, “Good morning.  My name is Beth Bellamy and I’m here for a meeting with Mr. Maxfield and Mr. Hayes.”

His brows furrowed and I could tell he was readying himself to question why, but it must have been a legitimate enough request as he turned to open the large glass door and gestured for me to come inside.  As I stepped in, I was greeted with impeccable marble flooring that matched the pillars and the receptionist’s desk.  The ceiling felt like it nearly stretched to the top of the building.  

I see where the fruits of our labor go now…

As much as I was bothered by the gross amount of overspending, I couldn’t help but admire it.  Should I ever renovate, I think I’d be happy with a layout like this one.  I was greeted with a friendly younger woman sitting at the large desk in the centre of the floor and she gestured for me to come over.  I responded to her formalities with a smile of my own and took my first few steps towards her.  On my last footfall, I was hit with a merciless wave of honey and cinnamon.  The same scent from yesterday only amplified to an extreme degree.  I stopped in my tracks and tried to gather myself.  I took a breath and made my way closer, but this smell, this alluring fragrance was infiltrating my brain faster than I could walk.  It was taking over all of my thoughts, all of my ability to hold myself upright. My breathing became erratic, and I felt my body trembling and tingling.  I had heart palpitations.  I used a nearby pillar to hold myself up for support.  What the f**k was happening to me? If I kept coming closer, I worried that I’d expend all of what was left of my energy.  My mind flashed to all these years of putting myself under with meds, trying to emulate sleep and my body couldn’t keep up anymore.  Was this a heart attack? It had to be, there was no other explanation for it. 

Just then, my legs gave and the back of my head hit the hard marble underneath me.  I could hear the echoes of people running.  They were coming over and screaming, but it was drowned out by…fucking honey and cinnamon.  I wanted to take in my last moments with this aroma.  I thought to myself that at least the Moon Goddess knows the scent I like before I pass on.  It somehow got stronger and I heard two voices yell at each other,

“Sir, I think she had a heart attack!” she sounded panicked, unsure of what to do. 

I felt myself being lifted off the floor by my legs and back, someone was carrying me and I couldn’t comprehend it nor could I communicate.

“I’m bringing her to my office,” his voice was deep, stern, and authoritative.  He paused for a moment and I could feel my arms swaying back and forth indicating that we were moving, “Andrew, contact our doctor and get him here immediately.”

My thoughts jumbled together and I felt myself slip into the utter bliss of unconsciousness, but not before I heard Grace whisper,

Mate.

And I let the blanket of darkness take me.