Letter to my cheating Ex

12 hours after the party

I woke up with the feeling of my hot saliva watering down on the side of my cheeks. I wiped it quickly, careful not to put a single drop on my pillow. Then a wave of severe headache started hitting me, my head is so heavy. It's throbbing like a hundred people are pounding the insides of my brain. My head is like a ticking bomb that will explode any minute now.

My vision is hazy and feels like I'm riding a merry go round in fastforward. I can taste the bitterness in my mouth and the lingering remains of whatever I consumed last night. I sat up, stayed still for like an eternity trying to recall what went last night. "You better think hard'', I told myself. Then I realized that I can't seem to remember other than the knowledge that I was at my cousins birthday party drinking more alcohol than my body can handle.

I started panting. I was trembling, my heart's racing and suddenly my chest hurts like hell. I recognized that I am having a panick attack so I tried to calm myself. After a few minutes, I was able to reach for the small bottle of water on the night stand, drank it in one gulp and felt a little better. I reached for my phone, luckily I still have some batteries left.

As soon as I open my phone I saw eighty six missed calls, fifty three messages in my inbox and a thousand notifications on my i********:. ''What is happening?'', I asked my self. My anxiety is slowly building up on my throat. I opened my cousin's DM, and I almost had a heart attack.

In my head I was screaming on the top of my lungs but nothing is coming out. I wanted to speak but I was voiceless. I can feel my sweat trickling down the sides of my forehead. I wanted to move, kick or punch something but my body won't cooperate. I sat there frozen, watching a video of myself on t****k, bawling my eyes out while reading something on a paper.

I was laughing, crying and showing hatred all at the same time. I looked so stupid. And then I realized that the paper is a letter. Its my letter, the one that I have been carrying with me for more than two years now, the one that I had written to my cheating Ex boyfriend.

As soon as I recognize that it was my letter, I felt like I was dying and that my soul was slowly and painfully separating from my body. I started panicking again. ''What if He saw the video?'', ''What will happen?'', I asked myself. The thought of Him seeing my video makes me want to vomit. And what's making this whole situation worse is that the video has gone viral.