His oppression

Farewells

Chapter Nineteen: FAREWELLS

When we got to the cemetery, the vibe that I got was a little different this time. The last time I have been here was my grandma’s funeral and I had been carrying a heavy heart filled with regrets and despair. But at the moment that I’ve captured the courage to look over the coffin, I saw my grandma’s lifeless body though she looked like she was really just resting, and that alone made my heart cry out more-- longing for another connection like I had with them because they weren’t with me anymore. That was the actual point in my life that the realisation hits harder than a truck going through your way.

I’d rather be hit with a truck than lose them but it was all over now. What happened happened and I’ve come into terms with myself to fully accept it so I could start healing myself.

This time, instead of sorrow, I faced myself head on with a smile on my face- a forced smile at that but I feel it’s a genuine effort rather than nothing. They say if you continue believing in something, for this instance that I’m strong and will not break down, there’s a huge chance that I won’t when I get there. Even so knowing myself, I’m likely going to burst out.

A cold hand was put on my shoulder and I failed to take notice of Radcliff with me. I think it’s just something I do whenever I’m deep into thoughts that the people I’m with just don’t exist for the time being. Which may perhaps be the reason why my communication skills are declining. Preferably, I’d talk more with myself because we understand each other better. It’s easy to open up when you can relate, you know?

“I… fortunately never got to experience coming to a dead relative’s grave before. I never saw how my family died and I have no inkling where they were buried therefore I do not know your pain but I’d like to ask if we can share it so you don’t have to burden yourself too much.”

I looked at him, contemplating his damning proposal. Another example of how Radcliff knew his way around words or that he’s just a really genuine guy with pure intentions. I’ve never seen this man angry and I’m beginning to think that he never does. He looks like he doesn’t.

“Thanks for the comfort, Radcliff.” I smiled up at him before the smile vanished. The second it got there, that’s how fast it went away. “Having you here is enough.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really. Don’t make me repeat that.” a giggle managed to escape my lips which surprised me too but I laughed it off instead of getting bothered by it.

Once we got to their graves, I placed the flowers down before lowering my body so their tombstones were my eye level. I could hire someone to clean off their tombstones because it was filled with moss and now greenery was surrounding it. Where I live it’s always pouring so it wasn’t that surprising that this was the state I ended up coming to. But I think my grandparents would love it. They would often do gardening and their house before was just beautifully filled with plants, veggie plantations and sturdy trees.

“I feel so much better having to pay them a visit right now.” I stood up and folded my arms against my chest. “It feels like a weight has been lifted from my chest.”

“I’m glad you feel better, Aria.”

“Grandma~ I wore the dress you gave me. I’m sorry for not wearing them earlier but it feels nice.” I smiled to myself, holding the dress’ skirt. “If I would have known how it feels on the body a little bit before then I would have worn dresses all the time. Thank you. I’ll wear all your gifts from now on. Even the ones that don’t fit me anymore.”

“There’s an old woman watching us.” Radcliff whispered to me as he pointed to a direction where no one stood. “She could be your grandmother.”

I don’t know if he was just messing with me to see how I’d react because I was talking to thin air.

“I don’t see anyone. Stop joking around. Ghosts don’t come out of broad daylight.”

“I’m not trying to play a trick on you. There really is someone standing there.” he pointed again, this time a little more obvious.

If he was this obvious, the ghost must have seen it.

“I don’t see anyone, she could be anyone’s mother or grandmother. Don’t point at her!” I slapped his arm with a frown before sighing. “It’s rude. And the ghost might follow us home if there is!”

“Okay…” he rubbed his arm before looking back at me. “Maybe she’s listening. Tell her what you want to.”

“I’m not even sure if she’s my grandma!”

“Just say what you want to say to her.”

“Okay… fine.” I took a deep breath in, arranging my thoughts but it’s all muddled up. But my mood was surprisingly positive because I wasn’t annoyed at Radcliff fooling around with how I felt. “Grandma, grandpa~ if you’re hearing me I just want to say thank you. Thank you that you’ve been nothing but kind to me and allowed me to grow up the way I want, not forcing me to do anything that made me uncomfortable. I can’t say if I’m a good person right now but you’ve definitely influenced me into becoming one when I grow up. Like I said I grew up the way I wanted to so everything I believed before is still what I believe now as an adult. But! I’m taking into consideration every piece of advice you’ve given me even though they’re about small things-- it leaves a huge impact on my life now. Do you see, Radcliff? I think it’s my first good deed ever trying to help someone. I’m still working on myself. I’m taking care of myself too-- eating a lot of food--”

“--no she doesn’t.”

I frowned at Radcliff who interrupted my dialogue.

“--I do! I eat a lot.”

“Not really.”

“Stop it!” I hit his chest as hard as I could before releasing an exasperated sigh. “As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, I’ve been eating well! Okay? Don’t believe him. I-I don’t want you haunting me to remind me just to eat, I’m eating. I hope grandpa and you are happy now, still in love. Even though I’m constantly saying that I don’t want to commit to anyone, I hope someday I can have a relationship just like you two. Even four feet deep, your love remains and that’s… deep.” I laughed at myself for trying to c***k a joke.

“Anyway,” I coughed, hitting my chest a little when Radcliff didn’t even laugh or even produce a chuckle. “I got the key to your basement but I’m sorry if my mother had thrown out or sold most of your things, she did it before giving me the key. You’ve given me a lot after you left and I’ve been handling it okay. I don’t know what you could possibly have for me waiting in the basement but I’ll treasure it. Let’s just hope my mother hadn’t taken it yet.”

“There’s a man…” Radcliff said behind me whilst he was looking at the direction he told about earlier. “He’s taking the woman. They’re smiling, Aria, waving their hands to bid farewell. They’ve walked into the light.”

“Now you’re just making things up!” my eyebrows furrowed at Radcliff, not really believing what he was spurting. But nonetheless, I appreciate the effort that he does to make me feel better.

I bought a blanket just so I could sit for a while to continue reminiscing about the past, ugly crying and snorting sometimes at how messed up I was before.

Almost two hours later, we made our minds and ended the session. I promised I’ll come visit again soon because this has been exhilarating. We walked back to the car and I sighed in contentment.

“I’ll go by myself next time.” I told him with a frown even though I was just teasing. “You don’t put me under the bus like that.”

He laughed before getting comfortable on the passenger seat. “You don’t lie to your grandparents like that.”

“You don’t even have an idea what my grandparents look like! I haven’t shown you a photo before or have I? And I never brought them up.”

“You haven’t but who would those spirits be?” he asked with a curious expression. “No one else was near us so I suppose we could leave it at that.”

“You were clearly making things up. But thank you, you weirdo.”

With one more sigh, I turned the car’s engine on and drove away to my old house. There’s going to be a lot of memories there too and I’m excited to go over them. The last time we were there was when the family attorney was giving the will and that’s like a few months ago which is considered a really long time for me. I wasn’t even given a chance to roam around.

I got out of the house at eighteen years old and has not visited the house ever since so the place might look foreign to me. I’ve been stuck in the same boring routine every single year at work and in my apartment. I sometimes forget what outside looks like because I rarely have the time to actually go out and take a walk.

But this should be nice.

The second we pulled over the house, I was greeted by overwhelming emotions running through me. It was an uncanny feeling that I couldn’t put into words.

“Alright, let’s go.” I was the first one to get out of the car as soon as we got there with my things.

I looked for the keys for the house before going inside and running around like a little child even though the place was messy. Mom could have been the culprit behind the m******e of objects lying around. Or someone got in, who knows. I don’t think they’ll be able to find anything else in particular inside here.

It’s just books.

What are they going to do with books? Papers, magazines etc. I’ll probably gather them all up to recycle them much later. Right now what matters is that I know what my grandmother wanted to give. 

“Radcliff, come on!”

I was confused when Radcliff wasn’t even following me inside. He just stood outside, his hands in his pockets. He was playing abnormal behaviours today. Suspicious behaviours.

“Oh I’ll be fine here, you go ahead.”

“Why?”

“It feels weird inside, I don’t want to go near it.”

“Really? You feel that too?”

He nodded his head, looking around the place. “I don’t want to go inside.”

“Oh don’t be such a wuss! Come on!” I went back to him and pulled him by his arm but he was resisting the move I was trying to exert. “What’s wrong?”

“I said I didn’t want to go inside.” he said, his voice much firmer now.

I frowned, eyeing him dubiously. “What exactly are you feeling?”

“It’s frightening and I don’t want to find out what it is once I get inside.”

“I’ll be here, nothing will happen to you.” I still insisted, pulling on his arm.

“I’m not so trusting of you right now, Aria, if I’m going to be honest.”

“You don’t trust me? This is my childhood home, I’m telling you there is nothing terrifying in there.” I reassured him with a gentle smile. “Please? I don’t want to go down the basement by myself.”

“Oh alright. But if anything happens, you’re the one to blame.”

“Sir, yes, sir. I’ll be responsible if chaos ensues.”

“Come on, Aria. The sooner we get out of here, the better I’ll get.”

“I don’t understand how you’re afraid,” I finally pulled him inside when I noticed he wasn’t countering with his feet anymore. “You shouldn’t be afraid. You’re a ghost yourself.”

“But what if it’s a bad ghost?”

“Wuss!”