His oppression

A Walk with Time

Chapter Seventeen: A WALK WITH TIME

The place before was surrounded by eeriness and darkness but with this dude hanging around, even though he himself was scary enough, he brings serenity wherever he walks by and it’s honestly captivating to see each little change in scenery. I’m beginning to think that I wasn’t dreaming anymore and that somehow I got sucked into this dimension to witness everything. Having said that, I still can’t bother asking him about his name or what he was even. I just wanted to preserve the stillness of the environment. A chaos ensued wouldn’t be so ideal right now.

I am fine.

Although what is currently happening is really out of my comprehension, I choose to roll with it. My intuition says otherwise, I remain deaf to it. I keep in mind what I said before but truly, I want to be selfish at this moment. Maybe the salt bath is genuinely taking its effects on me and this is how my mind makes up layouts on how I could ease my emotional management. Is this the stress leaving my body?

Was I even stressed in the first place? Who knows?

As long as I’m not in distress, harmed or in danger, I’ll let my guard down for now. I don’t think Mr. Dude over here would lay a finger on me despite the fact that he looked like he’s straight out of a children’s nightmare book or something. Even if he did, I will wake up… right?

The further we walked, all the familiar places were turning to. Deciding whether or not I’m up for that sort of reminiscing, I closed my eyes to imagine changing the surroundings. Once I opened them once again, I was left dismayed as they were all still the same-- the road, the street signs… the entire neighbourhood. Of course, how could I just simply forget?

This was the time my parents were taking me to grandma and grandpa. A red family wagon passes through my body. My initial feeling was awestruck but now it becomes more and more prominent that I was getting terrified. Everything felt too surreal. How the asphalt felt against the soles of my feet, the smell of winter arriving and the sound of leaves falling from the trees nearby.

Once I caught sight of the people inside the car, my heart wrenched. There she was, a 6 year old naïve girl looking outside the window, absorbing her new environment. My feet moved on their own as I wanted to see what will happen next yet I know too well the events that lead up to this moment.

I swear I almost shat myself when her eyes looked back to mine. Her eyebrows knitted in the centre, a smile made its way to her lips and I was just in shock.

I do. I do remember a woman before but I couldn’t have told myself it was me in the future nor did what she looked like. My memories are hazy and they get hazier when I age. But this exact second puts a rather substantial reminder that it was abnormal. Abnormal that I don’t recall much about my childhood but these are the important aspects of it and I just choose to put everything at the back of my mind.

And I’m really getting creeped out. There was no one other than Mr. Babadook over here and I promise to my life that she’s looking at me. My 6 year old self is acknowledging me regardless of not knowing who I was or even cared enough that I was following the car.

“Arianna, you behave in your grandparents’ place. You’ve been very bad that’s why we’ve decided you’re going to live there until you’re fine. I hope you can understand this.”

The little girl nodded her head as a sigh escaped her lips. “Will that be long?”

From a little girl, I knew that I think more maturely than my age or how I spoke because I’m left to cater to the books that were in my parents’ library. They never taught me- maybe all those basic things like ABC’s or how to eat and go to the bathroom, but I’ve been independent from there as far as I can think back to. 

The very reason I was in trouble because I slashed a kid in the eye on my 3rd day of elementary school. I could never dare to forget that instance because I knew I did no such thing. But the kid did get his eye stabbed, I just don’t remember how.

“It depends if you’re going to be a good girl. If not, we’ll leave you with them.” mom said from the passenger seat as she was looking from the rearview mirror. “They’ll make sure you really behave.”

“Okay.. will you visit me?”

They did, they did actually stop by for me but not as frequently as I thought they would. Concerning the other matters, they would go but they wouldn’t look for me.

The setting changed into a different yet another intimate scene. This was when I broke my grandmother’s precious vase and when I thought I was going to get pounded or receive my consequences, she gave me a hug and gently asked me not to do it again.

But the thing was, I wasn’t the one who did it. 

It was the first time that I’ve actually shed an emotional tear. It was just a few weeks in that I was staying with them but they treated me more than I deserved, at least in my eyes, and I’m already grateful for them. I preferred to be around them more than my own parents and that’s really saying for a 6 year old who had been neglected and had no idea the concepts of what caring and loving were.

I almost didn’t notice Mr. Babadook here with me and I just smiled at him, kind of embarrassed that he had seen a crying Aria. Well my 6 year old self but I was beginning to when tears filled my eyes but never fell. 

I do miss my grandma badly.

When he took my shoulder and made me walk up the stairs to my old room. Little Aria, a little bit more grown up was fast asleep on the bed, a small smile appeared on her lips when I walked closer. Before I could even utter a word out, my head turned to the door where it had opened and came my grandma and grandpa with cake and presents.

A smile, too, made its way to my face and it seemed it wasn’t going away anytime soon. And when grandpa shook me awake, that was my breaking point. At this moment as a child, I had not even remembered that it was my birthday, let alone actually celebrating it and instantly when my grandparents burst into my room to greet me, I was in utter and pure bliss.

I can consider this as a memory I would never want to forget. But in my adult mind at the present time, it’s unclear and seeing this with my own eyes in a different perspective made me realise how awful I had been during their death. They didn’t deserve how much I tried to ignore their existence because I was busy fixing my own.

In the past months, I had never plucked up the courage to go to their graves for the reason that I didn’t want to cry. That’s just the main reason.

It’s my stupid ego again.

“Happy birthday Aria!” they both shouted with grins on their faces as they lit up the candle on the cake.

Everything was a silent explosion after that-- literally. The whole scene transitioned and it was dark again. Then, there was a deafening beeping sound.

A stretcher was supported by at least three nurses running through an emergency room. My eyes met with myself again but this time I was just months older than she was. She was standing in the middle of the hallway that was just now forming but she remained in the dark side.

Another time where I held in my tears just to show how strong I was even though I was breaking inside already. My grandpa was the first one to pass and my grandma couldn’t handle the depression that came along to losing him so she followed after a few months.

I don’t believe in fiction such as true love but for them I’ll make an exemption. More than 70 years they’ve been together and in the end, they still choose to be with another in the afterlife. That got me a little bit of hope of what I can expect in the future but for now, I was just hurt. The only people who cared about me were gone and I went for being selfish and never really gave consideration or even appreciation for what they did for me my whole life.

I think this is my way of prompting myself of how guilty I really felt to these good people. It’s my subconsciousness emerging the darkest thoughts that I didn’t want to mull over for the rest of this lifetime. But I have to face them head on or they will continue haunting me.

The beeping sound was now just flat and it’s more deafening like the vibrations were getting stronger-- the sound turning into a noise in the background. But we remained motionless as the world was beginning to spin. I had to take a sharp breath into my system because I’ve felt this before, feeling them again right now, I was merely bracing myself for the impact. All the emotions that I felt that day had appeared once more to torture my being.

This time, I was ready. However, no matter how much you prepare yourself, human emotions just get the best and worst of you.

The most unacceptable thing was my parents didn’t even come on time. We didn’t have the chance to comfort one another or did they sit and waited for grandma to be okay. I could never forgive my parents for that.

And to think they are parents too. My mom, how could she? What would she feel if she tries to kill herself and I’m too busy with my work to bother checking up on her if she’s still alive or not?

They’re her parents. I just am bewildered and I need some sort of explanation from them but the funeral came, we didn’t speak to one another until the money was involved later.

The scene changed once more and by that time, I had managed to calm myself from getting emotional. What transitioned to was when the family lawyer was giving my grandparents’ will. I think I kind of get it now how my parents insisted I take the money. If I didn’t take the money, it’s going to go to my brother’s and not to them. Grandma was smart about that except for my brother’s.

My parents are greedy assholes. And yet why do I still want their acceptance?

I followed to where my mother went when we were at the old house. She was the basement and was tidying up some stuff, putting them inside a white bad that was probably going to the trash later. You see, my grandma had a knack for collecting vintage stuff but I wasn’t allowed in the basement ever which I respected.

She had a lot of doll collections too and I can see now why my mother wants them. The dolls and figurines in all likelihood cost a lot of money and knowing how she didn’t get the money, she’s just stealing grandma’s stuff.

“It’s time for you to wake up, Aria.”

Oh right, the mysterious creature was still there. He just wasn’t speaking and I hold that in high regard. 

I nodded my head before sighing, attempting to kind of reflect on why I was seeing this scene right now if I wasn’t even there to start with.

“Please, wake me up.”