The Golden Boy

Solitude

I never had to have an alarm clock.

I was an early bird. It was an in-built habit to wake up exactly on same time every day. Chirping birds outside my window has always been my natural alarm clock. And it was a nice way to wake up, too.

But today it was different.

The songs those birds sang, wasn't like music to my ears, rather a hammer to my f*****g skull. My head was pounding like it had taken up the duty of my another organ, heart.

Even the sunlight was falling straight on my damn face. Groaning, I turned to the other side but a weight on my stomach, resisted the change.

Thinking it was Finnegan—the cat of our neighbors—I put my hand on it's head, but instead of soft and silky fur, I was met with smooth human skin.

My eyes snapped open and beige walls welcomed me instead of my usual multi colored ones. The bright color made me wince and something stirred beside me.

Horrification splashed on my face in waves. Did I sleep with someone last night?

Oh. My. God.

Fuck. It can't be happening. This is a nightmare, it has to be. No, no, no. I don't want this to be happening. No please, no. Hot tears stung my eyes making my headache worse and I almost cursed out aloud.

Taking a last leap of faith and hope, I gently pulled the sheets and looked at my body and finally let out the breath I was holding.

I was still fully dressed. Bar my jacket.

Slowly my eyes crawled to the face of the person who was laying beside me, and the constellations of his freckles met my eyes. And as I connected them to find a formation, the remnants of last night's memories bombarded my mind.

Getting drunk. Jayden. Sitting on the porch with Chase. Kissing him. Then kissing him in this room, on this bed, again.

My face instantly became so hot, as if someone has put it in a f*****g microwave.

Jesus. How can I do this? Was I that drunk last night? Please, someone shoot me now.

Why did I kissed Chase out of all people.

Actually, it's a good thing that it was with Chase. He is the only guy that I can tolerate and if it was someone else, either I would have committed suicide or murder.

Still, the embarrassment is at top.

As gently as I could, I lifted his hand—which was on my stomach—by his pinky finger and laid it on the mattress. He startled me by moving and laying on his side facing away from me.

I slowly crawled out of the bed, tripping when my foot landed and slid on his shoe.

Cursing the whole time, I looked for my jacket and found it far away in a corner. God. I can't imagine how I'm going to face him next time. He was my friend and I ruined that.

But, hey! I was drunk! He should've stopped me. And because he didn't, maybe he doesn't consider me as a friend, at all. Or maybe he is just like other guys who danced when he got the chance. If the former one is true, he isn't going to leave this as it. But if the latter is more true then.... f**k.

Fuck, f**k, s**t, f**k!

With all these thoughts in my hungover brain, I bolted out the door and never looked back, hoping that he was so drunk last night, that he doesn't even remember anything.

But I remember, that he absolutely wasn't drunk.

I was turning the corner outside the house when someone called me from a red car, across the street. I squinted hard against the harsh morning sunlight and saw it was Caly Johnson. The cheerleading team captain.

She drove her car towards me and spoke, "Hey! I didn't see you last night. Are you not with anyone? I can drop you home if you want." She offered, showing her all white smile. Her hair were in messy knot above her head and her face was bare of any trace of make-up. So different from her usual look but, she still looked beautiful.

"No, I am walking. I live just around the block. Thanks, though." I shrugged already ready to walk. I lied.

She insisted again but I declined. As nice of her it was to offer to drive me home, I just don't get the right vibes from her.

After all the rom-coms I've been forced to watch, I have learnt one thing. That girls, who are not your friend, only act nice when they need something from you. And I am the type of a person who doesn't give nor take.

××××××

On Monday, I didn't eat lunch with everyone else. I had brought sandwiches from home and I ate in the library.

I intentionally went late to cafeteria to check if the boys were going to sit with us. And they were. Without being seen, I had made a run for the library and sat in the most secluded corner, quietly nibbling at my food.

Saturday night's events were still fresh in my mind, even though in not accurate details. I didn't remember exactly who moved first but I remembered that he was, without a doubt, a good kisser. And even though I didn't know what his mouth exactly tasted like, I could still relive the texture of his soft lips on mine.

And that made me shiver.

And I couldn't say it was from disgust.

That made me disgusted.

I, was never interested in boys—No, I'm straight I know—I never thought about making out with a boy at a f*****g random party, or anywhere.

I still can't understand what I was thinking when I kissed him. Sure, he is handsome, has a fine ass body and a nice personality on top but, it still doesn't makes sense of my abrupt reckless actions.

Now, I have everything messed up and a group of friends which I couldn't join without thinking about what I'd done,to who's supposed to be a friend in the same damn group. And what's worse? I want to do it again.

There.

I admitted it.

I wanted to bang my head against the table but, my food will do a karate chop to my face, so I settled with just sitting with my forehead in my hands, considering life.

Something whooshed beside me and I looked up just in time to see some girl's back side rushing out to the main room of the library.

Second's after a guy emerged from behind a bookshelf and shooted me a toothed smile. "Libraries are good for two things: to study and for an emergency make out session. But never for a lunch break, I'll tell you that." He gave his unwanted advise and sat across me reaching for my sandwich.

I swatted his hand away—slightly cringing—and shot him an annoyed glare. "And your presence is unwanted here, I'll tell you that, Jayden."

"Ouch. But, seriously, why are you eating your lunch here? I thought you were friends with Chase and group." He leant back in his chairs propping his feet up on the table.

"I just wanted to sit alone, not that it concerns you. But what are you doing here? You don't seem like the studious pupil to me."

To say I wasn't holding personal grudges against him, would have been a f*****g lie. I'd like to think, that if it wasn't for him spewing s**t in my mind that night, I wouldn't have made that mistake. I had to blame someone for it and Jayden was a suitable contender.

"Ah, nothing interesting." He waved. "A sweet cute nerd fell in low-key love with a handsome quarterback—aka me—and wanted a kiss and who am I to deny such an alluring demand? The same old." He shrugged as I stared blankly at him.

He watched me back before his attitude crumbled down. "Okay, okay. I kinda like her and she is a very nice person and today, she finally let me kiss her behind that shelf in the corner. I think, I'm in love." He sighed eying the ceiling with a dreamy look.

My eyes rolled on their own accord.

"Nice to know that you are enjoying your cocky ass self after ruining the peace of my f*****g mind. Now if you'll just f**k off, I want to finish my sandwich." I shot him a fake smile.

He blinked. " But I don't think I have done anything today to piss you off, have I?"

Before I could be forced to think of a reply the bell rang and I left with my half-eaten sandwich and a refreshed scowl. All that I wanted, was a little solitude to wallow in my in self guilt and even that was f*****g snatched from me.

And because the library was on the opposite of the school from where my next class was, I had to f*****g run across the whole building like a cat that caught fire on its tail.

And just as I was walking along a slightly lone hallway, A hand came out of a classroom and pulled me in.

Just damn f*****g great.