Born Without A Mother

Chapter 6 Puzzle Pieces

This year is number ten for Gracey. A fifth grader now and she feels very grown up, although there are still many years left before she can get away from Nancy and move out of her house.

The fighting between Nancy and her husband had become unbearable. Nancy has been going out again with her friend from the old house by the river.

“She is always wearing such pretty outfits,” Gracey thought to herself.

The policeman has been working a lot and coming home early in the mornings. Just in time for the school run and Nancy, well, Nancy is Nancy and seems to be living by her own rules, as always. As if she forgot she even had a son is how much she has been going out with her friends. Maybe that is why the policeman has been so angry the last few weeks. Gracey as always just keeps to herself, but the screaming and shouting are starting to sound like that movie Gracey watched where all the people are wrapped in white jackets and rocking back and forth on their chairs, and all Gracey wants to do is either be with the horses or go back ‘home’.

Out in the garden is a willow tree and whenever Gracey needs her time alone she finds herself lying under the willow going down memory lane and riding horses with her sister on the farm, to that big open field with all the purple flowers and the willows whistling in the wind, gracefully swaying back and forth. Big open blue skies with a puff of clouds here and there, Gracey ponders on life and school and how much more of the screaming and shouting she will have to hear before these grown-ups decide to make things a little easier for everyone in the house.

Gracey starts building a tree house in her brain as she lays under the willow. Her designing skills are immaculate, at least for a ten-year-old. A kitchen on this side, a beautiful sunroom in the front, and, of course, her bedroom window looking out onto the horse farm across the road.

“No branches will be cut, the leaves of the willow hanging in front of the windows replacing the idea of curtains…” she thinks to herself.

With this, she jumps up full of energy and decides to go and move her bedroom around, do a bit of a clean-up, and make some changes in her little domain, with a quick stopover in the kitchen to grab a bite to eat and gobble down a glass of milk before her job starts. For some reason, Gracey has just got so much energy and such a strange excitement about her little life. Nancy has woken up and looking a bit on the rough side and miserable as usual, but that is nothing new – or maybe it’s just because Gracey was the first thing she saw. Nancy is walking around the house looking like she is a bit lost, but Gracey won’t dare speak out of turn, the policeman and his son are outside washing his police car, and her stepbrother sitting in front of the television doing as little as possible. But Gracey is a happy little camper in her world and thinks to herself that the less she speaks, the less anyone else will speak to her, it will just end up in her having to have to do something for someone anyway.

As soon as her domain feels new and fresh, she’s dressed and ready to go across the road for a horse dosage and today Linda said Gracey could try riding a pony. As much as Gracey tried to convince Linda that she knew how to ride a big horse, Linda would not let up and Gracey gave in – a ride is a ride, no matter what horse it is. The question is how to get past the guards with her riding boots on and not having to go through an interrogation because that would be an invasion of Gracey’s world away from home. Twirling around in her room, making escape plans, she finds herself throwing her riding boots and socks out her window – no one will know, as her bedroom window is away from prying eyes. Gracey sprints down the passage trying to evade everybody at all costs and as she picks her boots up, she’s frozen still with her stepbrother standing behind her.

“WHAT are you doing? And where are you going? You better let me come with you before I tell Mom that you are hiding things!” he snarls at Gracey.

“It’s none of your business, and you can’t ride a horse anyway, you don’t know how. So, leave me alone and let me live.”

“Fine, then I’m telling on! You asked for it, young lady!”

Gracey walks away with a no-care attitude until it strikes her that she will be in a great deal of trouble when mommy’s boy spills the beans and decides to let him join her. Short before long, both he and the policeman’s son meet up with Gracey waiting at the pedestrian gate, and they make their way across the road. Gracey doesn’t have a good feeling about this, but she would rather have that than hear Nancy scream her head off again.

This bad feeling quickly escapes her mind once she steps foot in the stables and hears Linda’s welcoming voice. With a big smile, Linda instructs Gracey to fetch one of the ponies, and she will help her saddle it. Without the slightest thought of introducing the boys, she runs off, leaving them behind. She knew that they would not dare say anything to Gracey, at least not with Linda around, but at the same time she couldn’t be sure. Walking her pony back, all she could do was take the deepest breaths smelling this horse, and she felt her heart beating in her chest with excitement. Her stepbrother, as usual, had to worm his way in, and on their arrival, she notices with a bit of jealousy that it seems Linda has now taken a liking to him too.

“How could she?” Gracey thinks. “This is not fair, is this guy going to take over everything for the rest of her life? Is the fact that he has already taken her mother away from her not enough for him?”

Gracey acts like she has not noticed and proceeds with saddling the pony, with Linda’s direction and instructions. She feels a little nervous because this little pony does not seem like it’s been ridden before and the last thing she needs right now is falling off and breaking a bone or anything that will draw attention to her at home. Nevertheless, riding is on the cards for Gracey today, goodness knows she has waited long for this opportunity and Linda seems confident enough to allow this adventure to take place under her watchful eyes. The boys are in the background chatting away and the policeman’s son has never been around horses, and Gracey starts laughing at him as she trots away on this little pony.

“Very uncomfortable ride, she thinks to herself. This little thing is just not made to trot!”

“Whoa! Walk”, she instructs the pony whilst lightly pulling back on the reins. Gracey is now settled, and it seems even the pony is on the same page as the two of them, just messing around in the arena and walking in circles. Gracey falls into her farm mood, not wanting to get off or go home.

Gracey notices Nancy walking in the garden and figures she’s probably looking for them. She quickly hurries the pony to the stables so that she can clean him and pack the tack away. On her arrival at the stables, she instructs the boys to go home and asks them to cover for her, promising that they can join after school the next day. She feels important as she watches the boys run home and at ease at the same time, knowing they won’t tell a soul, she hopes. Just as Linda gets in her car to leave, Gracey is done with the pony and stable all closed and ready for bedtime. She runs to Linda and gives her a hug in gratefulness for the opportunity and the trust Linda has shown her. Linda smiles down at Gracey, playing with her ponytail,

“You have become a strange piece of my puzzle young lady, a piece that I was never missing but found along the way and makes me feel like I am done building now. You are a beautiful, kindhearted little girl. I can see that, and so too can the horses. They feel comfortable around you. Keep it up, you will go far.”

Gracey feels her eyes stinging, but she does not want to cry, she is about to run home and does not want Nancy asking her ten million questions, all she can do is hug Linda, thank her for the day, and run on home to get ready for a new week at school. As she walks into the lounge, low and behold, Nancy is waiting with the ten million questions Gracey was trying to escape from.

“No. Yes. I will do that right away, I’m sorry.”

All Gracey finds herself answering as she scurries to get everything done before bedtime.

Excited to get home from school today because the boys are in on the schedule across the road, so now Gracey does not have to hide it from them anymore. What this means is that she is now even more indebted to the boys and will live her life in “blackmail” mode from here on out just to keep them happy, otherwise, they will tell on her, but she is somehow OK with that if it means she gets to spend as much time with the horses as she wants now. It strikes her that maybe the boys have also been looking for a way out of home, although they have never made it seem that way, not her stepbrother at least, but she feels comfort and, for a second, gets all mushy with emotion, thinking that this could be a new start for her and her stepbrother. The policeman’s son, well not so much. Gracey is not ready for that mountain yet. She hardly even says anything to his dad still, so yeah, that is not going to be happening any time soon. On her way out the door, her stepbrother offers to take her school bag, and she declines, wondering what his motives are. Nancy is already waiting in the car, the drive to school is quiet, unusually quiet, and Gracey wonders what she is pondering or, most importantly, what is going to come out of her mouth when she does decide to say anything.

Music is playing and Nancy seems to be in a strange but happy mood. Gracey lavishes in this atmosphere and almost at that instant she wants to ask Nancy a question just to make conversation and to see if Nancy would speak to her like a human, or maybe even like she’s her daughter, but Gracey holds off and just stares out the window into the sky.

Her sudden mood change would surely be if Gracey said something, she thinks to herself.

As they stop at the school gate, her stepbrother is halfway out of the car and Nancy stops all three of them.

“I have to tell you guys something.”

Nancy is glowing, and her eyes seem more cheerful. Something Gracey can’t remember seeing in Nancy before. As quickly as she realizes the change in Nancy, she gets struck with a boulder of a question, wondering what is going to come out of her mouth, and on another note, why is it that Nancy always gives them any news as they are about to get out of the car?

“This is confusing and scary at the same time,” she thinks to herself.

“… I am pregnant...”