Born Without A Mother

Chapter 4 - Her Home

Life has been going at a steady pace and things are looking good. The most amazing thing happened today: Gracey got to see her dad again, for the first time in almost two years. She cannot wait to tell him every little detail, her new job, well, her almost old job now, but for Dad, it will be new. She must tell Dad about the frumpy dress she had to wear, school, and sports. There isn’t much of that, but she is only eight and a third-grader, so she’ll get there. Wow, for almost two years she hasn’t seen Dad. Gracey is over the moon with excitement and her bags were packed two days ago already. The best part of this whole thing is Gracey gets to go on an airplane for the very first time in her life. Dad lives at the ocean and all Gracey can think is how amazing this holiday is going to be.

She gets to leave everything behind and be with her people again, her true family, her sister, her brother… her stepmom. She doesn’t know her much, but she knows that her stepmom loves her because it was her stepmom who sent Gracey gifts every birthday and every Christmas. It was her stepmom that made all this happen…

“I don’t know her, but I love her already!” is what went through Gracey’s mind.

Better not to let Nancy know how she feels, because she doesn’t like her stepmom at all. Now that Nancy is with the policeman, all she ever must hear is,

“It’s your stepmother's fault your dad left me! Your father never sends me maintenance anymore since he got together with that woman!”

Your father this, your father that, your stepmother this, your stepmother that… It’s a song that Gracey knows all too well and, to be honest, a tune that is starting to sound more and more like the ABBA Christmas songs played year in and year out.

“Stuck in the past, this mother of mine…” Gracey thought.

Well, it’s time… Time to hit the road and climb the big blue skies. At the airport on her way to be handed over to the stewardess who will accompany Gracey on her flight, Nancy makes sure to ruin the moment and reminds her of who she is and where she belongs.

“No funny business whilst you are over there, madam!”

Gracey doesn’t listen to half of what Cruella Deville has to say. All she can think right now is how upper class she feels, waiting for her servant s***h butler s***h personal chef… hahahahaha, Gracey giggles in her brain as the stewardess walks across the corridor to grab hold of little Gracey’s hand. No time to even look back and say one last goodbye, Gracey skips across the airport lounge, stewardess in tow, and Gracey is filled with so much excitement she can hardly hold her pose. Turquoise blue pumps with a pink polka dot dress and white bobby socks, Gracey settles herself down gracefully, straitening her dress before the stewardess fastens her seatbelt and the long wait till this big baby takes flight. Gracey’s head is filled with so many things and the only time she ever thinks of all the ugly is way after her holiday when she finds herself back at the airport and is forced to return to a home where, after meeting her stepmom, Nancy now comes across as Cruella Deville.

Gracey loves her stepmom. She is in seventh heaven, although things do feel a little strange to Gracey. A new home, and new smells, her brother and sister have grown so much, they are now grown-ups. Her sister has a car, and her brother is not in the army anymore, but a very sophisticated police officer, engaged to be married. And then she sees Dad. The warmth in her little heart and she couldn’t help the tears from falling down her cheeks. There it is, there he is, her hero, and he wraps Gracey in his arms and all she can do is faint in the familiar smell of her daddy’s cologne and the feel of his hug.

“I missed you so much, Daddy. I never thought I would ever see you again. I cried for you for so long, and I cried for everybody, for Muna, for my sister, for my brother, for all my animals. I cried and cried, Daddy, until I couldn’t hear your voice in my head anymore. I cried until I couldn’t see anyone’s smiles in my brain, and then it was like someone turned the tap off, and I thought everybody had forgotten about me.”

“We cried for you too, my darling…” her dad says and holds her tighter. “It sure has been a long time, baby girl, but we never forgot about you, and your space at the dinner table has always been open, waiting for you,” Dad says.

“Enough with the tears now, come young lady, let me show you where your room is, and you will share it with your stepsister. You have your own space in the cupboard, and you can unpack your clothes, so you don’t have to live out a suitcase.” Her stepmom encourages her with a smile and gently squeezes her little hand.

Gracey is sad, but it is a happy sadness, holding her stepmom’s hand down the passage. It’s a very nice house, it’s big. Gracey smells all the food, and she smells her stepmom’s hand. Mom smells like coconut – it smells so nice. “I love her,” Gracey thinks to herself. Her mind is all over the place and she cannot contain her emotions. Gracey doesn’t want to go back home, this is home, here with all her people, the old and the new. She is beside herself with excitement and ready to spend as much time with her dad and her siblings as she can. Her stepsister is a little older than she is, but that does not stop them from establishing a bond. Gracey grabs hold of her stepmom from behind as she is about to leave the room, says nothing, and just hugs her stepmom, after which she turns to introduce herself to her stepsister.

“I know who you are, you know. Here, let’s pack your clothes, and then we can go set the table for dinner. You will like our food. Mom made a Portuguese dish, a special dish for a special visitor, a special family member, mom said.”

Gracey feels her eyes well up again, and she wonders why her mother can’t love her like this, she is her real daughter after all. Not wanting her new sister to see she is crying, she shoves her face into the cupboard acting like she can’t reach the back of the shelf, quickly wipes her tears, and comes back out smiling. All done when this warm voice crawls down the passage,

“Filhas! Can we get the dinner table ready please?”

Her stepsister jumps up with flair and rushes Gracey down the passage to the kitchen. Gracey, still confused at what her stepmom called them, finding herself setting the dinner table, and her brother in passing runs his big hands through Gracey’s hair, saying in a soft loving voice.

“Hey sis” he smiles.

Gracey forgot how it felt. She forgot how it felt to have a family, to laugh, to be loud, and to just be all over the place. Gracey forgot how it felt to feel this much love. Even setting the table was love. Is she crazy? Can setting the table feel like love? She giggles at herself as she enters the kitchen to grab plates and her stepmom gives her a loving smile in passing.

“Who is this woman? How can she love me when she doesn’t even know me? Does she not know that Gracey’s mom thinks she’s worthless?”

“Seven seats at the table without a squeeze, Dad was right, her spot at the table was waiting for her. And she gets to sit next to Dad too. This is the best holiday ever.” Gracey thought to herself.

A new day, the sun is shining and Gracey is up quietly brushing her teeth, scared to wake anybody in the house when a whisper catches her from behind.

“Breakfast is ready and waiting, meu menina.” ‘Mom’ says.

“That’s it, this is a real mom. She can be my mom.” Gracey thinks, but she won’t make it obvious, and she also doesn’t want to make her stepsister mad by making her think she is going to take her mom away from her.

In the kitchen, Dad asks whether “Gracey is ready for the trip to the beach.”

“Get some sun on your skin and saltwater in your veins, baby,” he says.

Gracey scoffs down her breakfast, bacon, eggs, toast, orange juice… ‘Mom’ made chilly baked beans and Gracey is going to try this dish for sure. A little on the hot side, but it’s a taste Gracey has never tasted, and she grabs hold of the milk to wash the burn away. ‘Mom’ is laughing, and her brother asks teasingly,

“Want some more, sis?”

Gracey feels so loved at this moment and notices what an amazing family she has. The only problem here is that she knows in her head she is not allowed to stay and somehow must convince her silly heart to accept their fate… at least for now. The table is cleared, dishes washed, and the whole family sets off to the beach. Gracey knows that all this is for her, Dad is not much of a sun person, and she wonders to herself why he never liked being in the sun, but soon forgets about that thought when she sees the ocean and smells the salt in the air. She doesn’t ever want to leave all this beauty and love, just to go back to cold nonexistent people who feel like strangers to her. She doesn’t want to be held on those puppet strings anymore.

Gracey is only eight and has no say in any of this as much as she knows what is good for her, living in Nancy’s house is where nature has forced her to be right now. The holiday has been the best thing for Gracey since she was forced off the farm like a thief who stole Christmas. She is now part of a bigger picture and as much as her life in Nancy’s world has been a tremendous uphill climb into nowhere, Gracey knows that she belongs somewhere. Gracey knows in her gut that she is destined for bigger things.

The universe has such big and exciting things in store for Gracey and this is why Nancy is in her life, to be the one that pushes back and brings the discomfort for Gracey to be all that she was born to be.

Gracey settles in and closes off the holiday of a lifetime before she must wake up tomorrow and get on that airplane back to reality, wondering when she will be allowed to see her family again.