Born Without A Mother

Chapter5-GoodMorningVietnam

The competition has begun as Gracey sets foot on solid ground back home. Not sure if Nancy is happy to see her or smiling because of the pure torturous satisfaction she will have once she’s climbed into Gracey’s character and, worst-case scenario, possibly manages to say anything nice about anyone back home, at Gracey’s real home, where she belongs.

The ride from the airport feels tedious and all Gracey gets is.

“And does she cook as well as me? Does she clean as well as I do? Did your father even ask about your brother, his son, he just left and forgot about? Did he tell you why he left me for her? Did you at least have a bed to sleep on? He must be living the high life now that his got nothing to worry about since he just threw us all to the dogs.”

Gracey’s brain is exploding with anger and all she can hear coming from the front seat is ‘blah blah blah blah’.

This “brother”, she speaks of, is not even real blood. He's not Gracey’s dad’s son. Gracey’s father had to have him because he came with her. Daddy is ONLY my Daddy, and this brother is nothing.” Her brain is overwhelmed by all these hateful thoughts and Nancy is just stirring up some real uncomfortable feelings inside Gracey. This brother she speaks of was not even in any conversations the whole holiday. And at that split second Gracey realizes that, for once, since they left the farm, life was about Gracey and that was all that mattered to her.

Gracey is already tired of hearing her voice, and they are not even home yet. She wonders how brilliant life is going to be now, since she managed to see her dad again if this is what the car ride is like and Gracey is not even back 20 minutes. She ponders on the fact that her mother didn’t even bother hugging her when she came off the plane. The policeman hugged her, he even tried to take her bag and carry it for her. He hasn’t even managed to get a word in edgewise since they got in the car. All she wants to do is get home and lock herself in her bedroom. She would be happy if Nancy slid her food under the door like they do in Vietnam to the prisoners of war. Gracey had such a good time with her dad, her siblings, and her new ‘mom’. She’s sad that she had to leave again, to a space that just held emotionless souls. Well, to Gracey at least, that is how it felt.

As soon as she falls on her bed, not bothered in the slightest to even join them for dinner, she remembers that tomorrow she gets to spend a whole day across the road with the horses, and Linda… she forgot about Linda for a split second, but Linda will understand, she’s been like a secret confidant to Gracey. She knows a few things, only enough for Gracey to feel safe and protected in that space over there by the horses and with Linda. At that very moment, Gracey gives thanks to the heavens for gifting her with a space where she can be on her own and not with Nancy, her new husband, her stepbrother, or the other kid. The more Gracey sticks around these people, the more she loses feelings for them. As for Nancy, gosh, did Gracey ever feel anything for her since the day she made it very clear to Gracey where in her world she fit?

“Yes! Yes, she does. Gracey does have some kind of love for Nancy, or is it a sense that she feels the constant need to make Nancy proud of her, kind of love? Is that even love?” Gracey wonders.

The mere fact that Gracey has resorted to referring to her mother by her name is such a disconnecting feeling for Gracey, but at the same time, it’s Nancy who brought all these feelings on. Nancy birthed these ill feelings Gracey held for her mother. Sad as it may be or not, life carries on.

‘Mom’ washed and folded all Gracey’s clothes before she left, even the ones she didn’t get to wear, and while Gracey was packing them in her cupboard she couldn’t help but dribble a few tears on her carpet, already missing everyone back home, feeling loved with her fresh clothes. Gracey closes her cupboard door and quickly flings it open so that the ‘mom’ smell of the fabric softener swirls past her nostrils. She cries a little harder, thinking to herself she is so not wearing these clothes because they will get dirty, and then Gracey must wash them with "Nancy" softener that smells nothing like her new ‘mom’. Setting the dinner table doesn’t hold as much love as it does back home. Gracey thinks to herself how wonderful it feels being able to say the words ‘back home’ as she honestly now starts to feel hatred towards Nancy but at the same time thankful for the events that led her to this point. If it wasn’t for Nancy being selfish, Gracey would never have known the feelings of a true mother.

Good morning, Vietnam! This is the first thought Gracey gets woken up with the next day when Nancy’s voice screeches through the house.

“What time of the day would you like to wake up and get this house cleaned up??” You are not on your father’s yacht anymore, so I suggest you get to making yourself useful around here! The holiday is over madam.”

And so, Cinderella awakes to start her day. Tomorrow at least she’ll be back at school. Even for half the day Gracey wouldn’t have to worry about cleaning up after everyone, and she could tell the whole world about the amazing holiday she had, she could boast about her new ‘mom’, her new stepsister, she could boast about seeing her dad and spending time on the beach. As Gracey gets ready for school, she wishes she had taken her school clothes on holiday so ‘mom’ could wash those too. Just a silly thought Gracey shrugs off as she makes her way to brush her teeth. Nancy waited like a drill sergeant for Gracey to get done and get in the car.

“Today is going to be so awesome! It’s been a great holiday” thought to herself.