UNCONTROLLABLE TEARS

CHAPTER 9 The First Time

Several years had passed since the day my mother died.

I was growing up.

So was everyone around me.

Dad's company was doing better than it had been before, although it still wasn't where it used to be.

But my relationship with Dad was no longer the same.

We still talked.

We still lived in the same house.

But something between us had changed.

I couldn't explain exactly when it happened.

Maybe it was because I had gotten older.

Maybe it was because Elizabeth was always around.

Or maybe we had simply grown apart without realizing it.

Elizabeth had also started giving me more responsibilities around the house.

I washed the plates.

I swept the floors.

I folded clothes.

I helped prepare dinner.

Whenever I complained that I was tired, she would simply remind me that I was old enough to learn how to take care of a home.

"You're growing up, Maya."

That was what she always said.

"Suzita is still young. She doesn't need to worry about these things."

I never argued.

I just did what I was told.

Suzita had changed too.

When we were younger, she sometimes tried to play with me.

But as the years passed, she became more like her mother.

She laughed when I made mistakes.

She mocked the way I dressed.

Sometimes she would deliberately annoy me and then pretend she had done nothing.

I learned to ignore her.

I had become good at ignoring things.

One morning, I woke up feeling uncomfortable.

My stomach had hurt a little the night before, but I didn't think much of it.

I got out of bed and stretched.

Then I noticed something.

I looked down at my nightdress.

There was a reddish stain on the lower back of my light-pink nightdress.

I froze.

My heart started beating quickly.

I touched the stain with trembling fingers.

Blood.

There was blood on my clothes.

I immediately became scared.

Had I hurt myself?

Was something wrong with me?

I quickly left my room and went to the sitting room.

Elizabeth and Suzita were there.

Suzita was eating breakfast while Elizabeth was sitting on the sofa, looking through her phone.

I walked toward them slowly.

"Ma'am?"

Elizabeth looked up.

"What?"

I swallowed.

"I think something is wrong with me."

She looked at me.

"What happened?"

I turned slightly and showed her the stained part of my nightdress.

"There is blood on my clothes."

For a second, Elizabeth stared at me.

Then she laughed.

Suzita looked at her and started laughing too.

I stared at them.

"Why are you laughing?"

Suzita covered her mouth.

"Look at her."

I felt my face become hot.

"I don't understand."

Elizabeth shook her head.

"Go and clean yourself up."

"But what happened?"

"You'll figure it out."

I looked at her.

"Am I hurt?"

She sighed impatiently.

"Just go and clean yourself up, Maya."

I stood there for another moment.

Nobody was explaining anything.

I felt embarrassed.

And scared.

So I turned around and left.

I didn't know where else to go.

The only person I thought might help me was Dad.

It wasn't a workday, so he was still in his room getting dressed.

I knocked softly before entering.

Dad was standing beside his wardrobe, choosing what to wear.

He looked at me.

"Maya?"

I stood near the door.

"Dad..."

"What happened?"

I hesitated.

"I woke up and there was blood on my nightwear."

His expression immediately changed.

He looked concerned.

"Are you hurt?"

I shook my head.

"I don't know."

"Does anything hurt?"

"My stomach hurt a little last night."

Dad was quiet for a moment.

Then he understood.

He walked toward me.

"Maya, you're not hurt."

I looked at him.

"Then why is there blood?"

"You've started your period."

"My what?"

"Your period."

I stared at him.

"What does that mean?"

Dad gave me a gentle smile.

"It means your body is growing. This happens to girls as they get older. You're not sick."

I looked down at my nightdress.

"So I'm not dying?"

He almost smiled.

"No. You're definitely not dying."

I let out a small breath.

"But why didn't anyone tell me?"

Dad's expression changed slightly.

"Who did you ask?"

"I went to Ma'am."

He looked at me.

"What did she say?"

I lowered my eyes.

"She laughed."

Dad became still.

"And Suzita laughed too."

His expression hardened.

He didn't say anything.

He simply walked past me.

"Dad?"

"Come with me."

We went downstairs together.

Elizabeth was still in the sitting room.

She looked up when she saw us.

"What happened?"

Dad looked directly at her.

"Did Maya come to you this morning?"

Elizabeth looked surprised.

"Maya?"

"Yes."

She shook her head.

"No. She didn't."

I stared at her.

"But I did."

Elizabeth looked at me.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"I came to you, and I told you there's blood stain on my cloth."

She turned toward Dad.

"Edward, I would never ignore something like that."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"But you laughed."

Elizabeth frowned.

"Maya, maybe you are just imagining things"

"You did."

She shook her head.

Then she looked toward Suzita.

"Suzita, did Maya come to me this morning?"

Suzita looked at me.

Then she looked at her mother.

"No."

My heart sank.

"But I did."

Dad looked at me.

"Maya."

I could hear the disappointment in his voice.

"Don't lie."

"I'm not lying."

"Then why are you saying something that isn't true?"

Tears filled my eyes.

"I went to her."

Elizabeth sighed.

"I would never ignore something like this. You know me better than that."

Dad looked at me.

"You are getting older. You need to understand that lying is not acceptable."

I opened my mouth.

I wanted to explain.

But I didn't know how.

Dad shook his head.

"Go and get yourself cleaned up."

He turned away.

I wiped my tears and turned to leave.

Then Elizabeth stopped me.

"Maya."

I turned around.

Dad was already walking away.

The moment he was out of sight, the softness disappeared from Elizabeth's face.

Her eyes became cold.

"You should never do that again."

I stared at her.

"Do what?"

"Try to make me look bad in front of Edward."

"I wasn't trying to."

"You embarrassed yourself."

Suzita laughed quietly behind her.

I looked at her.

Elizabeth folded her arms.

"You're old enough to know better."

I lowered my head.

"Yes, Ma'am."

She looked at me for another moment.

Then she sighed.

"Anyway, since I'm apparently the only person here who has to explain everything to you..."

I stayed quiet.

She continued.

"The blood means you've started your menstrual period. It will happen every month, and it can last for several days. Sometimes you'll have stomach pain or feel uncomfortable."

I listened carefully.

"You'll need sanitary pads. Change them regularly and keep yourself clean."

I nodded.

"And wash your nightwear yourself."

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Don't run around the house every time you see a little blood."

I nodded again.

"Yes, Ma'am."

She waved her hand.

"Go."

I turned around and walked away.

At least I knew I wasn't sick.

I wasn't dying.

My body was simply changing.

But I still felt hurt.

I had so many questions.

And I didn't know who I could safely ask.

As I walked back to my room, I realized something.

Growing up was not going to be as simple as I had imagined.