The Lost Wolf

CHAPTER EIGHT.

    Light flooded into my bedroom and harassed my eyelids until I opened them. I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and looked at the time. I had slept until noon. I threw back the covers and put my feet on the floor, padding to the kitchen to find some food. I never stopped for fast food last night and my stomach was rumbling. Walking over to the table I found a note from my mom that read, Kenzie, dad and I got called in. Will be gone on a 24. Left breakfast burritos in the fridge. Love, mom 

     I thanked heavens for my mom at that moment and pulled the Tupperware of burritos out of the fridge and popped it in the microwave. Making a mental note to find my paperwork today for school in between writing a paper for English and studying Spanish verbs. I grabbed my backpack and emptied the contents on the table. 

     Starting with Spanish verbs, because I sucked at Spanish, I spent about two hours reviewing them and still felt confused. I decided to make flash cards and got up from the table to find some index cards hidden in one of the kitchen drawers. I pulled it open and grabbed the cards, pulling out some junk with them. All of it falling to the floor. I bent down to pick it up and in the midst of the junk was a key. I placed it in my hand wondering what it went to. Maybe a storage unit somewhere or a safe. It was small and light. Like it would go into a padlock of some kind. I placed it back in the drawer and walked back to the table. 

     I wrote out all the Spanish verbs on one side of the cards and then what they meant or translated to and when to use them on the other side. Then, I took a hole punch and put the cards on a large ring. This allowed me to flip through them faster without losing any. I studied the cards for another hour before I decided to grab a snack and write my paper. I peeled a couple cuties, sliced an apple, and some strawberries and put them in a bowl and then added a small handful of chocolate chips and a container of strawberry yogurt, mixed it all together and sat down. Taking bites between sentences. 

     In my paper I described what I thought the author or Lord Of The Flies was thinking when sitting down to write this book and the beautiful use of symbolism all through it. I found myself wondering if I would resort to measures of chaos and violence in a world where there are no rules and there is no structure. Where everyone is for themselves. Maybe it’s possible that deep down, I have an animalistic side. I’m certain that the boys of the island would’ve never thought they were capable of doing some of the things they did. I stewed on this idea for a little longer before jotting it down on paper. Finally, around 4pm I was done. 

     I went upstairs to change into leggings and an oversized shirt so that I could go into town and maybe pick up some Chinese food. I stopped in my tracks when I passed my parents room. I put my car keys down on the dresser and walked inside. I know my mom likes to keep important paperwork in a binder in her closet. I opened the door and immediately felt overwhelmed. So many binders. I found a step stool and pulled them all down. Most were past years taxes. The deed to the house. Bank information for different accounts. Vehicle titles and registration information. Receipts, for everything dating back until the beginning time. Nothing. None of these had what I needed.

     I sighed and put all the binders back, exactly how I found them. I moved moms clothes around looking for any that I may have missed. Nothing. I moved over to dads closet. There was nothing in there at all. His gun safe locked and bolted at back of the closet but that’s it. They have to have it. Keep looking. But there was no where else to look. They had an office but all they used it for was to hold their old medical school notes and textbooks. Medical dictionaries, things like that. My hands traced over the door of the gun cabinet. It couldn’t be in there, could it? Where would I even find the key? 

     The kitchen. Duh. I ran back downstairs and grabbed the tiny key out of the junk drawer and then sprinted back up, taking two stairs at a time. My heart started pounding as I slid the key into the suspecting padlock. Why are you being so stupid? Just don’t touch the guns. 

     Click! 

     The lock popped open. I slid the lock out of the hole and opened the safe. At the bottom of the safe was the missing binder. I carefully slid it out and sat in the floor of the closet, opening it. Dads documents, check. Moms, check. Mine? Where are mine? I kept flipping pages until I found the birth certificate of a girl with the same birthday as me but a different name. And those weren’t my parents names at the bottom, either. “Lindsey Burke”. Like I said, she had the same birthday as me but her parents were Tonya and Dillon Burke. Not Sally and Jude Tatum. 

     Panic rose in my throat as I tried to process this information. There had to be a reasonable explanation. I flipped another page. A death certificate. MacKenzie Tatum passed away as a baby. She also shared a birthday with me. If MacKenzie is dead, who am I? Another flip. An adoption certificate. The clawing in my brain came back with a vengeance and I threw the binder across the room. What does this even mean? I’ve seen photos of my mom pregnant. I’ve seen videos of the baby shower. You can’t fake that. She had a a baby. But was it me? Am I, Lindsey Burke? Did my parents have a baby who died and then adopt me and give me her name to fill that void? Have I been living with monsters? Kidnappers? Was my family, or Lindsey’s family, out there looking for her?

     It was too much for me. Way too much. I grabbed the birth certificates for Lindsey and MacKenzie, the death certificate and the adoption certificate out of the binder and put the rest of it back in the safe. I locked the safe and took the papers to my room. I have no idea how long I sat there, staring at them before I couldn’t physically do it anymore. WHO am I? Shoving the papers under my pillows I grabbed my car keys and headed out. Not really knowing where I was going, just knowing I couldn’t be HERE. 

     Tears spilled out of my eyes and I drove until it was too blurry to see. I ended up at London Lake. I used to come here all the time as a kid but then it was purchased by a private reserve and it was no longer open to the public. Right now though, I didn’t care. I bolted out of the car and fell on the sand beside the water. Sobbing. Thank goodness it’s not public anymore, I can scream as loud as I want. And I did. I felt like the pressure inside my body was going to eat me alive if I didn’t. I screamed the loudest scream I could muster. I screamed until my voice was hoarse and then laid down on the makeshift beach and wished for it all to just stop.

     Snap! 

    I heard the snap. It got my attention but I was too broken to care. I hurt too much to move. I knew that a person was watching me. I was aware that someone was aware of my state. I didn’t look up, I just let the tears flow and gave myself to the grief. Preparing for whatever was to come next. 

     Snap! 

     This time, I looked up. Just my luck. A big, black wolf made himself known. A low growl deep in his throat made me stand up on shaky legs. At this moment in time, I was too sad to be scared. I just stood there staring at him not knowing what to do or what he wanted from me. I had nothing and no desire to run.

     “What do you want? Are even the forest creatures coming to laugh at the girl who doesn’t know her own name?” I asked the wolf. My voice hoarse. “Go ahead. Take me, kill me, rip me to shreds! It’ll be like I never existed!” My scream came out quieter than I intended. He walked back into the woods and I fell on my knees. Not even the wolf wanted a broken girl.

     A few minutes later I felt a hand on my shoulder. I instantly knew who it was. The way my body reacted to it was all I needed to know. Through the tears the electricity jolted me. The warmth soothed my body. I leaned in to his touch and he enveloped me in his arms. I felt safe, sobbing to the thrum of his heartbeat. I have no idea how long I stayed there, crying into his bare chest but he just held me and stroked my hair until I literally cried myself to sleep. The hole in my chest only numbed by Carter’s touch and his woodsy scent. I remember being carried but I was so exhausted from the emotional toll that my body took, that I barely noticed it. It could’ve been a dream.