Missing You

Painful Answers

The last time Lei saw the old lady, their conversation was interrupted but this time. Lei was hoping their conversation went well, for Lei to know her past. 

The old lady gets the hot coffee and smells it calmly. She told Lei to be strong and ready to know what happened. It was old memory but the old lady knows well what happened.

 Lei was nervous as the old lady starts to tell her what happened.

"I heard a lot of rumors about them, I can only share with you is what I know about them. 9 years ago, there's a family that always stays here at Pangasinan every summer break. I'm not sure about their names but they are all kind, they know how to interact with us and also they help the residents here who are in need. They have 2 daughters, I can clearly remember their cute faces.

The younger one name was Audrey and the older girl was named Summer, it wasn't their real name but it was their nickname here at Pangasinan because they only come here when it's their vacation. Summer was a good sister to her younger sister because I witnessed their love for each other. I become their nanny every time they come here for a vacation. But one vacation, the younger child was in an accident, there were three of them in the accident but the younger child died helping her sister. She was drowned by the sea and only Summer and the boy survived. I think that was the last time I saw them, after that, I only heard rumors about them. They said that Summer attempt suicide many times because she can't bear what happened."

Lei was shocked, she just stare at her ring, she want to know if she's one of the children in the picture. She's afraid to ask and know the answers. Everything became unclear to Lei, she wants to know where did it go wrong. She doesn't know if she can trust the old lady's story. She's speechless and afraid of herself. 

The old lady suddenly hugged her to calm her and Lei cried all out her heart. 

The old lady cried and said, "I know it's hard for you, we've been looking for you everywhere and no one knows what happened to you after that incident. Only your parents know what happened to you. Because of your suicide attempts, your family decided to give you to your grandmother to take care of you for 6 months but unfortunately, on your way to your Grandma's place, you were hospitalized because of a car accident. Your parents never leave your side in the hospital, they told me to look after you for one month because she's scared that she's going to lose her daughter again. I was thankful that you woke up again, everyone was happy to hear that news especially your childhood best friend named Winter. He visited you once in the hospital, he even gave you a ring for him to remember you if ever you'll both cross path again. After that time, everything changed, I never saw Winter again at the beach, you vanished, and I heard from your parents they left the country" 

Lei felt her heart will burst anytime. After hearing the old lady's story, Lei became more curious. 

"S-so, you're telling me... that I'm Summer? and my sister died in an accident?.... with me?..... And who's that boy? that Winter? Where can I find him?.. Where?! Tell me!!" Lei shouted with pain.

All she wants to know was answered by the old lady, but it was a painful answer for her. She can't help but cry. She feels helpless. 

Lei run as fast as she can, her foot brought her to the sea. She was confused. 

"How and when?.. And wh-who's Winter? my ring was from h-him? So, everything was a lie? they are all liars!" Lei said while walking to the sea to drown herself.

She remembered everything that happened on that Island. Everything, she remembered where and when it starts, also how did she get to know Winter. It all makes sense now to Lei but still hard to accept the fact that her sister died for saving her. She was sorry for not remembering it all.  Now, she knows that it was her and her sister who's in the picture.

"I-I-I'm sorry Audrey for forgetting about you. It was my fault. I'm really sorry, I didn't do anything to save you. I'm so-sorry. I will come to you, you just need to wait for me. Okay? you don't need to save me again. Because I'm the one who will end my life."

 She walk and drowned herself in the sea to remember it all and tried to kill herself. 

Rhys runs to the sea when he hears from the old lady that Lei remembers it all. Rhys runs to the sea and looked everywhere to find Lei. Until he saw Lei walking towards the sea, trying to kill herself.

 He saw Lei trying to drown herself. 

Rhys suddenly got a flashback of what happened 9 years ago and whispered to his self, " She knows already." 

Seeing Lei suffering again makes Rhys can't help but cry and pity Lei. He runs as fast as he can to save her, again. He hugged her tight at her back and tries to calm her. Lei tried to push him and continue walking forward. But Rhys keeps on pulling her out of the sea. 

"Lei! get yourself together! this is not the right way to overcome your problems. Do you think Audrey will be happy seeing you acting this way? please, Lei. Calm down, I'm still here, your friend Winter. You're not alone. You have me. " Rhys shouts at Lei to make her wake up and calm. 

"Winter? R-Rhys you're W-Winter, why? why is this happening? why now? I mean, I'm fine. I'm really fine, but.... did I really forget some of my memory? Why? Why?! Why me?!" Lei calmly said and Rhys hugged her and tap her back to calm her. 

Rhys saved her for the second time, a different year but at the same place. 

Rhys made Lei get out of the sea. Lei runs to the white sand and lies down. Rhys runs and lies down beside her. Lei was not here for answers, it's for the truth and painful answers. Lei asked Rhys as soon as Rhys lies down beside her, Rhys asked her if she's ready to know what happened and Lei said yes. 

"Our nickname was from your father, Winter, and Summer because you only spent your days here when summer break. Your sister, Audrey, follows you wherever we go for playing and you find it annoying. Then one day, I find you crying in front of the sea, shouting Audrey's name. Audrey was showing you that she knows how to swim but the wave ate her. Your eyes can't find Audrey, so you decided to swim and find her under the sea. I tried to save you both and fight for our lives but Audrey didn't make it. When you woke up, you blame yourself and you try to kill yourself so many times."

Everything was clear to Lei now, but she was curious and asked Rhys, "So when you saw me on the beach, you know it all? that I was Summer? you even said that my ring was beautiful, it was from you. Why didn't you tell me sooner?". 

Rhys answered and said to Lei that he was happily watching her from a distance and he know that she'll get hurt when she remember it all again. Rhys tests her memories, he wants to know if she can remember when he brings Lei to his favorite place. Lei finally remember every moment of Rhys with her. Rhys told her to be strong and start a new life. Rhys asked Lei what was her name because they only know each other by their nicknames. 

"My real name was Rhylei Garcia but they call me Lei," Lei told him her name and Rhys suddenly hugged her, a tight hug. Rhys asked if her amnesia are all healed. 

"I'm thankful because I remember a lot of my memories from the past, thanks to you. I don't know what will happen to me if I didn't run into you."

"You need to be strong and be an independent woman because I'm always not around to help or save you."

Out of nowhere, Lei's eyes widened as if her eyes will drop. Lei realized that the faceless guy that he was dreaming about was Rhys. Their eyes met and laugh, Rhys decided to walk her home to have a rest. 

 Lei told Rhys not to go home and rest with her in her hotel room. 

Lei was still in shock, her father called her to make sure something. When she picked up the call her father speak and asked her, "I heard from you Auntie that you're in Pangasinan, is that true? Why are there? I told you everything you wanted to know Lei. I need you to go home this instant!" 

Lei cried and answered her father with hatred," What? until now you're going to lie to me? you liars. Why did you do that Dad? I believed in your lies! You know Dad, you just prove that I can't trust anyone, including you, my family." 

She drop the call and went to her bedroom. Rhys open the door and smiled at Lei. 

"Lei, I think you need time for yourself, I'll come back tomorrow to pick you up. Let's have dinner tomorrow."

Lei didn't reply to her and just smiled at him. Rhys decided to go home and let Lei be all alone to have time for herself. 

Lei runs to Rhys when Rhys was about to go outside. She gave him a tight back hug. And it was the safest and comfortable feeling Rhys felt in his life. He smiled and whispered to his self, "It will be more painful when you will know my real story."

Rhys turns around and faces Lei. He hugged her and kissed her forehead. 

...

The next morning, Rhys knocked on her room and pick her up to bring her to his house. Lei was surprised.

"Rhys, what's this? is.. is today your birthday?" 

"No. I just want to be with you and start my day with you."

Lei smiled and laugh as loud as she can. She was fluttered by Rhys's actions. 

"Look, Rhys. What am I supposed to do without you?" 

Rhys look sad when Lei told him how she felt. Rhys hugged her and said that he loves her. It was unexpected, they didn't though that they will end up together. They were each other's, first love.

"Don't worry Lei, I'm always watching you at a distance. Anyways, let's go to my house. I'll cook every dish you want."

When they arrived at Rhy's house, Lei was smiling ear to ear. She's imagining her life with Rhys if they end up married. 

Rhys cook for her and they even played what they play when they were kids. Lei thanked Rhys for helping her to remember her missing memories. Rhys smiled at her and told her to take care of herself always and never forget him. Lei smiled at Rhys she put her head on Rhys's shoulder to rest for a while

Lei suddenly whispered to Rhys. "I love what I have right now, I want to leave the world and stay with you. If I need to give up my world for you, I'll do it. You're the reason why I keep on fighting my problems. You're my rainbow after the rain. If this is a dream, I don't want to wake up. I want to be with you 24/7. I want to spend my whole life with you. Thank you for existing, Winter." and hugged Rhys. 

When Lei fell asleep, Rhys suddenly confess his feelings to her. He said that Summer was his first love and will never forget how Summer make her smile every day when they were kids until now.

"No, Lei. No matter what happened, always take care of yourself. Don't give your whole time and life to me. You don't have to do that. Live your life, even without me enjoy your life. Do the things you always wanted to do. Date, travel, eat, discover new things, and plant, do everything you wanted to do. You're my first love and I'm thankful.  I want you to enjoy your life with little things. You're a genuine person, everyone loves that. I love everything about you. Don't try to kill yourself again, because I'll get mad at you. I'll never forget about you and don't forget me. Thank you for the memories. Don't worry I'll always watch and protect you at a distance. Remember my name and my face, don't forget about me, Summer. I'm happy to see you again, my happiness. Take care, Iloveyou." Rhys said with tears and kisses the sleeping Lei. 

...

....

The next morning, Lei woke up and didn't notice that he slept at Rhys's house, Rhys was not around. While waiting for Rhys, Lei decided to look around his house. She found some sculpture that is made by Rhys and it was made 5 years ago. She also saw some herbal medicine made by Rhys. Lei was surprised when she saw an old camera. She was about to get the camera but Lei heard a footstep coming to Rhys's house, thinking it was Rhys.

 A guy named Carlos opens the door to visit Rhys's house. Lei was shocked and asked who he is, 

"Who are you? Rhys is not here.. Are you looking for him too?" Carlos explain his self to Lei that he was the most trusted person of Rhys. 

"Hi, you must be Summer? I'm Carlos, Rhys's friend."

Lei asked him where did Rhys go and he said he will take her to Rhys.

Carlos and Lei both climbed up to the mountain, Lei was excited when Carlos said that they were near to Rhys. Lei's smile faded when Rhys wasn't there. Carlos told her to walk straight and she'll see Rhys. Lei was nervous. She's thinking that Rhys was planning to surprise her. 

She walks forward fast so that she can see Rhys but she was more shocked when she saw Rhys's grave. Her smile fade and she cried out loud. Lei was thinking that Rhys was just fooling her around.

"Rhys, come out, I need you not your grave. Stop fooling around, it's not funny." 

"I-I'm sorry, Ms. Garcia." Carlos said with a sad face.

Carlos gave her the letters of Rhys for Lei. " This is the letters he wrote every day for you, Lei."

Carlos told Lei that 5 years ago,  Rhys died in an airplane crash. Before leaving the country, Rhys told Carlos to give her the letter if she sees a girl wearing the ring he gave. Rhys writes a letter every day since the day he met Lei. He chose not to deliver the letters to her so that she can't be confused because of her amnesia. Instead, he keeps the letters he wrote every day and plan to give them to Lei when she comes back for answers so that she can't miss any moments he spent with Rhys. 

"Carlos, What nonsense is this? What are you saying? Rhys died 5 years ago? Are you guys kidding me?" 

 Lei thought that knowing her life in the past was the most painful but it isn't. The most painful for her right now is knowing that she thought Rhys was alive.

 Lei was crying and still insisting that Rhys was alive. She told Carlos that she was with him on the very first day she arrived at Pangasinan and last night. 

"What nonsense is this? It doesn't make sense! I was with him last night. He was with me on the very first day here in Pangasinan, Who's dead? it can't be. Stop saying nonsense, Carlos." Lei was still in shock and she can't believe it.

"Lei, you need to calm fir--" 

"Stop, Carlos. I don't want to hear your nonsense. Just leave, please." 

Lei cried and talk to Rhys's grave. 

"So this is what you're saying about? Watching me at a distance? Are you kidding me? I need you right now, Rhys. Please come back, I need you. What about me? How am I supposed to survive alone?" There are no tears coming out from Lei's eyes and it is the most painful feeling she felt. She wants to cry and show how hurt she feels but there are no tears. 

....

After 6 months.

It was hard for Lei to go back to Pangasinan but she made it. Lei visits Rhy's house and grave every month. She always watches the Island when she's going to their favorite place.

Lei was always thankful for having a friend like Rhys. She's happy because from the beginning Rhys always visits her by coming to her dreams every night. Her questions in mind were answered, her missing memories are now complete and the most important thing is she has already forgiven herself. It was hard for her to accept that she met Rhys at Pangasinan with her imagination. Yes, sadly it was only her imagination. But she's thankful because it felt real. 

Lei stared at the ring Rhy's gave to her and she looked up at the sky, hoping Rhys is listening.

"Rhys, are you listening? I already read your letter and it helped me a lot. For four years, I was curious about the guy that keeps on delivering daisy flowers to my house every time my birthday comes, It was you. You know it's my first time making friends, but sadly you left me all alone. What a shame. Thank you for remembering the small details about me and I'm sorry for coming here late. I'm also sorry for recognizing you late, it was because of my amnesia. I miss you, Winter. Let's meet again, not in my dreams but in real life. If reincarnation is true, then I'll find you next life and spend my whole life with you without regrets." Lei said with a crying heart.

"In my dreams, you're with me. But I wonder what we look like if we're together"

- Rhylei Garcia 

THE END...