Royal Feud

Chapter 43

Chapter 43

Delvin pushed back from her and strode away. "I cannot have you undermine my authority in any way." His voice was now calm and controlled. She did not look at him; she was merely glad that he had moved away from her.

"Your safety and the safety of everyone at Ishton depends on my orders being

obeyed without question."

"Aye, milord," she murmured. "I am sorry."

Huddled in her chair, her head down and her arms wrapped tightly around her legs,

she heard his every step as he walked back toward her. He stopped in front of her chair. "Hermione, please look at me.” She raised her eyes to meet his eyes as he knelt before her. Tears ran unheeded

down her face. When he reached out toward her, she instinctively recoiled from him. He dropped his hands without touching her.

"Hermione, I am sorry for frightening you." His voice was hoarse.

She swallowed with difficulty as she stared at him. "No matter how angry I am, I will never hurt you," Delvin vowed. "You must

believe that."

She nodded, unable to speak.

Delvin reached out to her again, and this time she held herself still and tense as he touched her. He gently curved his hands around her face and rubbed his thumbs under her eyes to wipe away her tears. Leaning forward, he kissed her softly. She offered no resistance but could not respond to his overture. He sighed as he stood. "I will see you at mass," he said quietly. "We will break our fast together as usual."

Hermione stared after Delvin as he left the chamber. She dragged in shattering breaths. Although she knew in her mind that he would never strike her, her instincts for survival had caused her to react blindly to his threatening posture. What had hurt the most during their confrontation was his lack of trust in her and in her judgment.

She knew with certainty that Damien was telling the truth and was innocent of attempting to murder Delvin. Delvin had closed his mind to reason and justice. She was powerless to help her friend and feared for his life. Could Damien be right? Was Alate jealous of her friendship with him? Did Delvin think she would break her marriage vows? How could he think she would commit such a sacrilege?

As she stood, her legs were so shaky that she abruptly dropped back into the chair The argument with Delvin had affected her more than she realized. He had lulled her into thinking she could trust him, but for the first time she questioned his actions. He had tried to intimidate her with his superior strength. She realized that he had only taken the time and effort to "train" her to make his own life easier, to have a willing wife in bed. It was obvious to her now that he cared nothing about her as a person, that he cared nothing for her feelings or opinion.

Hermione took a deep breath and stood. She dashed the useless tears from her eyes. If that was the way he wanted their marriage, so be it. The love she had begun to feel for him was stupid and foolish. It only made her more vulnerable to him. She must banish it from her heart.

Delvin silently cursed himself as he stormed down the steps. He strode through the hall, ignoring his men as they stirred awake and the servants as they went about their chores Out of the donjon, past the armory, and through the outer ward he headed toward the southeast turret on the outer curtain. After climbing the spiral steps two at a time to reach the crenellations, he headed north along the allure, ignoring the greetings of the guards he passed. He paused in front of a crenel to watch the sun rise.

Hermione's concern for Langston and her unwavering belief in his innocence sent his temper to the boiling point. How dare she question his orders or his judgment? Gradually, as the brilliant pinkish orange color faded from the clouds and the sun rose across the valley, he felt his anger dissipate with the retreating darkness, leaving only regret in its wake.

What was it about Hermione that roused this rage? Why was he always losing his self control with her? He had never hurt a woman, but this morning he had come dangerously close. The realization filled him with shame. He took a deep, calming breath. Hermione had accused him of being jealous of Langston. That was ridiculous. Hermione

was his wife, not Langston's, The quiet of the morning was pierced by the clanging of the chapel bell calling

everyone to worship. Enough, Delvin chided himself. This morbid introspection was getting him nowhere. He had work to do.

laric was not her father. He had not physically hurt her, Hermione reassured

A Merely, she thought in disgust. Now she was making excuses for his awful behavior. Usually she played her lute when she was upset, but today she could not stand the idea of being in their bedchamber. Dispirited, Hermione went downstairs and closeted herself in the herbarium, trying to find peace and order by following the

herself. He had merely tried to dominate and control her.

recipes, grinding and mixing the herbs. A firm knock on the door interrupted

her. "Who is it?" she called. "Tis Elizabeth, Hermione. May I come in?"

"Aye." Hermione turned to greet the older woman as she entered the room. "I am afraid I have come to stick my nose into your business," Elizabeth said with a determined look on her square face.

"What do you mean?"

"Hermione, 'tis obvious there is some problem between you and Delvin. You barely spoke to each other yesterday, and today he is in a foul mood and you are moping. Lucy made me promise to look after the two of you." The older woman paused briefly. "I hope you consider me a friend."

"Aye, Elizabeth, I do."

"Sometimes it helps to talk about your problems to a friend." "Aye, that is true," Hermione said. It had helped enormously when she had confided

in Delvin and told him of her father's a***e. "You will find I have a very sympathetic ear. And I will hold whatever you tell me in the strictest confidence."

Hermione found herself explaining to Elizabeth her argument with Delvin over

Langston, Delvin's anger and threatening manner, and his lack of trust in her. Elizabeth

listened attentively, encouraging Hermione with gentle murmurs and understanding nods.

"Marriage is complicated," Elizabeth said when Hermione had finished. "You and Delvin were two strangers tied together, and now you need to learn how to live in harmony. As you rub together, you will start to shape each other so you fit together more smoothly. Like this." She closed her fingers over her palms and rubbed the knuckles of one hand against the other until it fit securely in the indentations of its partner. She held her hands out for Hermione to see. "Unfortunately, the rubbing process can sometimes be very painful." Elizabeth dropped her hands back to her sides.

"Do I not have rights in the marriage?" Hermione asked. "Must I submit to whatever Delvin demands of me?" "Well, first of all you cannot think about your rights or your pride. Marriage was ordained by God for the mutual joy of husband and wife, for the help and comfort each gives to the other. If you focus only on yourself, then resentment and anger builds.

So the key is for both of you to be humble and submit to each other in the marriage."

"How can I get Delvin to humble himself?" Hermione asked.

"You cannot, my dear. You can only change your own behavior and attitude." "But if I do not stand up for myself, Delvin will just ride roughshod over my feelings. I am afraid I will simply cease to exist."

"My dear, that is your pride speaking. We are all selfish and self-centered creatures, but Jesus calls upon us to love each other and to be humble in heart. Love is a choice, an action, not merely a feeling. Being humble means that we think more about the needs of others than of our own wants and desires. Humility does not mean we do nothing and allow others to mistreat us.

"You cannot coerce Delvin to do what you want by making demands or criticizing him. If you avoid making demands, and try not to become angry or disrespectful when you discuss your feelings with Delvin, most likely he will respond in kind. If you are humble and considerate in the midst of an argument, usually the other person will calm down and respond in kind. Tis a very hard thing to do because our natural instinct is to be selfish and to consider our own feelings before anyone else's."

"What if he becomes angry with me again?" Hermione asked. "What if he physically threatens me like he did yesterday?" "Then you just stop talking to him and come back to the discussion some another

time," Elizabeth advised. "That will give him a chance to cool down."

"What you say seems reasonable."

"Just remember that Jesus tells us to do unto others as we would have them do unto us. He tells us, 'Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you. You can depend upon His promises. I know 'tis much easier to offer advice than 'tis to follow it. Before you speak with Delvin, you should pray and ask God to give you humility and insight into what Delvin's most important needs are." Hermione nodded, considering her friend's words.

"Remember, a wound unattended simply festers and becomes putrid. The same thing happens to a marriage if you avoid facing your problems or withdraw from your husband."

"I do not suppose you could give this same advice to Delvin?"

Elizabeth smiled. "I do not think Delvin would take kindly to receiving advice from me. However, can nudge Hugh into offering him some pointers on how to build a happy marriage. Hugh has often given Delvin fatherly advice in the past."

"Elizabeth, would you pray with me now?"

"I would be happy to, Hermione."

Delvin stepped into the deserted mews and headed for Gaenor's perch. After donning the heavy gauntlet, he coaxed the falcon onto his hand. He stroked her feathers, singing her song. She shifted restlessly on his fist, as if she could sense his agitation. He was a warrior. His first response to any opposition was to fight, subdue, and

conquer. Obviously not the best strategy when dealing with one's wife, he realized in self. reproach. Guilt flogged him. What exactly did he want out of his marriage? A willing bed partner, of course, Sons, naturally. Companionship and friendship? He had never considered that as something he could have with a woman, but now that he had started to form those bonds with Hermione, he realized he wanted that intimacy with her as well. His heedless

actions yesterday had probably destroyed whatever trust she had come to have in him.

"Kek, kek, kek," Gaenor screeched. Being here in the mews had not soothed him as it usually did, and he was only upsetting the peregrine. He gently set Gaenor back on her perch; the incongruity of his care for the bird's feelings versus his lack of care for Hermione's wasn't lost on him. He ripped off the heavy leather gauntlet and threw it down before leaving the mews.

He strode to the armory, donned his chain mail hauberk, took up his sword, and marched toward the lists. Seeing Gordon standing idle while the other men trained, Delvin called him over. The clang of steel as he struck Gordon's sword with his own resonated within him. Here in the lists everything was simple and straightforward, unlike the morass of his marriage. He fought fiercely, finding the less experienced knight little challenge for him. Totally absorbed in the contest, he lost all sense of time passing as he relentlessly battled the younger man.

"Pax, milord," Gordon begged.