Royal Feud

Chapter 49

Chapter 49

"Do not take that tone of voice with me, Delvin." Lucy tried to keep her voice quiet and without heat. "I have had enough of your surly attitude this week past. Your injuries do not excuse your bad temper. Especially toward those of us trying to help you. Especially toward Hermione, who has tended you with unselfish devotion and dedication."

Her son refused to meet her eyes, looking instead over her shoulder, his mouth ser

in a mulish line. Lucy silently prayed for guidance. She needed to approach this with gentleness

and love. "Delvin, I know you are afraid..." He jerked his head back, his eyes burning into hers. "I am afraid of nothing."

"Are you not, my dear? Are you not afraid of dying?" She looked steadily at him until he sighed and closed his eyes. He seemed to slump into himself as he leaned back onto the pillows.

"Delvin, you almost died, but God was merciful. He heard our prayers and spared you. My dear, you have no need to fear death. You were baptized as an infant, and I know that you believe in the Triune God. You have been saved by God's grace. You have His gift of eternal life." "But I have not been a good man, and more often than not I have failed at being a

good husband." The misery in his voice speared her heart. "Delvin, you cannot add anything to your salvation by your own works. We can never be good enough to earn our salvation. Jesus has done it all for us. He paid the penalty for your sins with His death on the cross. Our salvation is by God's grace alone. Tis His free gift to us.

"But, once we have been saved, our correct response to God's love is to surrender all that we are, and all that He has given us, back to him. All your life, you have made your own plans and lived by your own will. fear for you if you do not surrender yourself completely to your Lord. I believe God allowed your severe injuries to get your attention. He wants all of your heart in total submission to Him."

"Submission? Surrender? I might as well have died, if that is what God requires of me.

"I know 'tis hard for you. You are used to being in control, to being a leader of men, and you are not accustomed to submitting your will to another's. Denying yourself does not mean losing your identity. Jesus tells us that he who finds his life will. lose it, and he who loses his life for my sake will find it.' God created each of us with unique characteristics and personalities, and He treasures our individuality."

"Why should I submit to God?" His tone was no longer sullen, but rather perplexed

and questioning. "You already said that I am saved, that I am going to heaven and

nothing I do will affect my salvation."

"Nothing you do, except completely disowning God, will jeopardize your salvation. But is not your refusal to surrender to God a sin against Him, a rejection of Him? Because He first loved us, do you not want to love Him and serve Him? Jesus proved that real leadership is found in humility, and real power is found in submission to God and service to others."

Lucy waited, giving Delvin time to think about her words, praying that Delvin would open his heart and his mind to the truth.

obligation. Just as "Tis like taking a fealty oath to the king. Submitting your will to God is the duty you owe Him. But such a submission must be made out of love, not each time the king calls on you for service and you must do what he requires of you, so too the Lord will call upon you, through His Holy Spirit, and tell you what service He requests of you. But unlike the king's demands, God makes requests that you are free to ignore or to disregard. Tis a daily, continual process to deny yourself and to submit your will to the Lord. Submitting your will to God frees you from yourself, frees you from the need to always be in control. Surrender to the Lord brings freedom and peace."

"How do I submit my will to God?"

She smiled tenderly at him. "Delvin, I can see that you are tired. Just think abou what I have said. Better yet, pray about it and ask God to give you the gift of discernment. I will continue to pray for you. Delvin, I love you." "I love you too, Mother." 

A laric pushed the bedding out of his way and stood. When his shaking legs buckled, he grabbed onto Hermione's shoulder while she put her arm around his waist to help support his weight. He gritted his teeth, sweat breaking out on his forehead. "Twould appear you were right. I am still too weak to walk by myself. Please help me get to the chair."

Hermione held him as he walked the few steps to the chair and eased him gently down into it. "I am still weak as a baby," he muttered. He laid his head back against the chair and

watched as Hermione returned to the bed to strip off the linens. "What are you doing?" "I am taking advantage of your being out of bed to change the sheets." Delvin watched her silently for a few moments before speaking, "Hermione, I am sorry

for my rudeness. I am not used to being an invalid."

She finished her task before coming to his chair and dropping onto her knees before him. "I was so afraid you would die." She took his hands in her own. "Please try not to push yourself too hard. I fear you might have a relapse."

Delvin raised her hands to his lips, dropping a kiss on each of her palms before releasing them. "Thank you for your care."

"You are welcome." She smiled at him, then rose to her feet. "I hope you will not take this the wrong way, but I find I need some time alone." She frowned down at him. "I am not sure that is such a good idea."

"I will be fine. Just half an hour." "Only if you promise not to move from that chair."

"I promise."

"As you wish, then. I will be back in half an hour." Delvin watched her gather up the dirty linens and, with one last searching look, departed. He sighed as the door closed behind her. He had had a lot on his mind since his mother's visit yesterday. All night long he had mulled over her words. At first he had been defensive and resistant. He saw now that he had reacted to God's call on his life with defiance and resentment. He did not want to give up his own will to his Creator. Facing the fact he was so selfish and self-centered had hurt.

His mother was right. Everything he had done in his adult life had been the result of his own will, his own desires, his own ideas. He had never consulted with God, never requested His guidance, never waited on His plan, never trusted his life to Him.

The only times he had turned to God was when his own guilt and shame had overwhelmed him. He would ask for God's forgiveness and, once it was would go his own way once again. Control. He had to be the one in control. If things did not go his way, he reacted granted, he

with anger and resentment, lashing out at others in frustration when they did not do at he decreed. He had hurt Hermione in his attempts to rule her, and he had willfully caused the death of Bernard, Gordon, Roger, and the others. Guilt engulfed him. "I am so sorry, Lord. I have resented You. I have been proud and arrogant. I have put myself and what I want above You, above others, even my own wife, even above

the lives of the men who serve me. Please forgive me." The words of a familiar psalm came to him: