The Unanswered

The real Amanda.

AMANDA slowly walked out of the skycrapper building. Reaching the front, she glanced back at the glass door for a second and hesitated. Back in there, there’s an opportunity for a better future. For a better life, but it led her to her past. To the one person she used to know. And in front is a wide world away from him. But there’s no certainty of getting a secure and highly paid job based on her lack of experience. She clearly knew that since this was the fifth company she’d walked into.

William Daniel Sinclair!

The name really did ring a bell to her. A name she forced herself to forget. A name she hoped never to be said out loud again. But today it wasn't just the name, but the face of a person she tried hard to forget finally reappeared in front of her. Meeting him eye to eye again after five years apart, she finally realised she’s still a human. Sadly, an unhealed broken heart girl.

Walking to the nearest bus stop, her mind still dazed. How come she ended up crossing paths with him again? As far as she knew, she had always stayed humble. Lowkey and, most importantly, far away from him, hoped never to meet him again. Not on any occasion. All of them just for a solid reason. He’s happy out there without her!

Is he really happy? She thought so. Look at him now. A CEO of such a huge and successful company at the age of 28. Yes! He is a genius. And he was born with a silver spoon. Unlike her, he is lucky in every breath of his life. Life is unfair! Isn’t it?

Amanda reached the nearest bus stop, which was just 100 meters away from the company. Taking a seat at the corner, she stared blankly at the busy street. Everybody's moving forward but she’s still stuck in a place feeling numb to everything. Or maybe she was just in denial? In a more specific word, she was afraid of the pain of the past. And the easiest run is to act like she felt nothing.

She didn’t feel sad when he broke up with her. She smiled genuinely when they used to meet again in college after the break up. She even greeted him politely. She told everyone they had broken up like it was nothing. But neither did they know she was just hiding her true feelings. She struggled in silence.

It was the end of the semester. She was in her second year and Daniel was in his final year. Everything was going well. They were happily in love. Their final exam was just around the corner and he was about to graduate. They had made plans earlier. After he graduated, he would start a company and wait for her to join him. They had a dream of becoming successful together. She was expecting a bright future with him. But neither did she know, her world was about to crumble down. Sadly, to say she didn’t even know it was coming.

It’s not just like any other ordinary day. Earlier in the morning, she received a call from her mum and she was happy to receive the call. But the moment she heard her mum's trembling voice on the other side, her heart started to feel uneasy. Like something bad happened at home. She still remembered her mum’s every word until this current moment.

“Amanda, listen to me. Your dad decided to leave. He divorced me.”

“But why?” That was her response.

“He found someone better.” Her mum said.

“And you just let him go.” She complained. Feeling sad to hear about the divorce. The leaving of her dad. And her mum, who didn’t fight for her marriage. Her family.

“He said he was happy to leave. What can I do to stop him? If people want to leave for their happiness, we have to let them go. Even though it hurts, Amanda!”

She clearly knew her mum was crying while saying that to her and she was trying hard not to let out even a single sob. It was her who cried noisily at her mum’s words. They didn’t talk much. Her mum wanted to wait until she calmed down to contact her again. And she spent the whole morning till afternoon crying endlessly in bed. Later then, she received a text from Daniel. He requested to meet her under the old tree. The nostalgic tree when he used to confess his feelings to her. Despite her messed condition, she agreed to meet him. She forced herself to get up from bed, gathered herself and walked to the old tree that pleasant evening.

She saw him waiting for her under the tree. From afar she could tell his expression was not as usual. He looked distressed. Like he was stuck on something difficult and had to try hard to break away from it. Maybe he was stressed out because of the upcoming final exam. She told herself while slowly stepping forward to him.

“Let’s break up.”

He dropped the bomb as soon as she reached him. He didn’t even greet her, or ever gave her a chance to do so. His words stunned her for a second. She wanted to ask him why? Why want to break up all a sudden? What’s wrong? But then her mum’s voice echoed in her head and made her spill out a question.

“Will it make you happy?” She asked with a smile. Surely her heart trembled in fear upon hearing his upcoming answer, but she had to force herself to do so.

“Yes.”

His voice sounded very confident. That moment she realised she had to let him go. There was nothing she could do to make him stay. For his happiness, she had to let him break her heart. Crushed and shattered it into pieces.

“Thanks and sorry for everything.”

She gave him her last words. Turned her back and quickly walked away from him. At every step she took back to her room, she couldn’t even feel her legs moving. Her mind heavily clouded and the noises around her seemed to disappear. She couldn’t hear or feel anything. She became numb.

Stepping inside her room, she quietly sat on the floor beside her bed. Hugging her knees with both hands, she finally let out a single drop of tear that led to another. Failing to control her emotions anymore, she broke down and sobbed until she couldn’t breathe. That was the lowest moment of her life. A moment of weakness. A secret of a broken heart hidden beneath her calm face and her genuine smile. That was her! The real Amanda.