Faded Memories

12: PLAYGROUND

SAGE

I thought we are already headed home after dinner, but just a few moments later, Riel stopped the car at the park where Ralph and I talked about him last time.

"Why are we here?" Iyan na lang ang naitanong ko.

He did not answer. Lakad lang siya nang lakad hanggang sa narating namin ang palaruan. Tahimik dito at malamig, lumalalim na rin kasi ang gabi. Wala na rin yatang ibang tao rito bukod sa amin, maliban na lang kung may kasama kaming hindi namin nakikita.

Huwag naman sana.

Inilibot ko ang tingin ko sa parke. How I wish Riel can still remember how we used to play all day long here. We would play in that squeaky see-saw and I would jump off when Riel's up high. He would always get mad at me and I would have to buy ice cream just to calm Riel down.

"Riel, kumalma ka na. . ." Naalala ko kung gaano ako kinabahan nang makitang nakabusangot si Riel matapos ko siyang iwan sa see-saw bigla nang nasa ere siya.

Tumalikod si Riel sa akin na nakaupo sa stone bench, nakanguso at nakakrus ang mga braso sa dibdib. "Ayaw na kitang kalaro."

Ngumuso na rin ako. Ito naman! Sa simpleng biruan, nagagalit? "Hindi na nga, e! Naglolokohan lang naman tayo. 'Di ba, laro natin 'yon?"

"Gusto kong maglaro kanina, pero ngayon ayaw ko na. Bad ka kasi."

Dati pa lang, grabe na talaga kung magtampo si Riel. Napakahirap niyang suyuin at napakahirap pakalmahin.

But I know one thing that can make him smile in an instant. If Superman gets weak with kryptonite, Riel gets weak with. . .

Nakarinig kami ng malakas na batingting ng sorbetes na paparating kaya agad kong binuksan ang strawberry wallet ko na nakasabit sa aking leeg.

"Alam ko na!"

Binilhan ko ng ice cream si Riel, iyong ube-keso. Nawala ang pagbusangot niya at nakipaglaro na siya uli na parang hindi niya ako sinungitan kanina.

"I've seen this place in my dream," wika ni Riel at umupo sa isang swing. Gumaya ako sa kaniya at sumakay sa katabi niyang duyan. "Not only once. Noong nasa States pa ako, nakikita ko rin ito that's why when we arrived here, tinanong ko kaagad sina Mama kung may alam silang ganitong lugar."

I remained silent. Bumabalik na ba ang mga alaala niya? Ralph didn't tell me it is possible for his memories to come back.

"I described the place the way I remembered it. May playground sa gitna, may mga poste, stone benches. . ."

I looked around. Walang duda, ito nga ang lugar na 'yon.

"Then they told me about this place. When I first went here, I don't know what to feel. It is like I've been here before, when I clearly haven't."

I frowned a little. I can feel his frustration. Nakakalungkot siguro ang ganoon. May mga bagay na alam mong hindi mo naman naranasan, pero parang hindi na bago sa 'yo.

"And then. . . I remembered something again."

"What is it?"

He sighed. "Who is it is the right question. Sa mga panaginip ko tungkol sa lugar na 'to, palagi akong may kasama. A girl. I can't remember her face that much, but her hair is always in twin braids. I don't have an idea who she is, but I want to look for her."

Para akong binuhusan ng tubig sa sinabi niya. Noong bata kasi ako, palaging nakatirintas ang buhok ko dahil iyon ang paboritong ipit sa akin ni Mama at laging pinupuri ni Riel.

But when they left, I stopped braiding my hair too. I stopped doing things that would remind me of him because I was bitter.

"D-did you try to ask your parents who that girl is? I mean, baka kilala nila, right?"

Riel shrugged. "They wouldn't answer. They don't know too, maybe?"

Tumango ako. Baka iyon na rin ang paraan ng pamilya niya para hindi na siya malito masiyado.

"Anyway. . . we're not here for you to listen to the dreams and flashbacks I had but didn't ask for."

"E, bakit pala?"

Lumingon siya sa akin at nginitian ako. There is something in Riel's smile. It feels. . . warm. His smile is genuine, sweet, and reminded me of our youth. This is how his lips curve when Riel is comfortable, when he is excited. . . when he is happy.

"I don't want to delay this anymore so. . ."

"Tell me now, kinakabahan ako sa 'yo." Natatawang sambit ko, napailing nang marahan at iniwas ang aking tingin.

Riel chuckled. "Sage, I like you."

Then there was cricket sounds. Awkward, annoying stretch of silence. Dahan-dahan akong bumaling sa kaniya, nakakunot ang noo dahil hindi makapaniwala sa narinig.

"You like me?"

I faked a laugh and scoffed at what he just said. Is he pranking me or something? He met me just a good few weeks ago. Paanong gusto niya na ako?

"Should I repeat it?" he asked in a playful tone. Akala niya siguro ay hindi ko narinig nang maayos.

Narinig ko. Maayos na maayos. Hindi lang talaga maproseso ng isip ko iyon. . .

I shook my head in disbelief. Riel is kidding. Ano, bigla na lang niya akong nagustuhan? Kung tingin niya ay bibigay rin ako sa sinabi niyang 'yan, pag-isipan niya muna uli.

"Look, Riel, not to be rude but—"

"Not to be rude also but I honestly don't accept rejections this fast." Riel cut my words off.

"Are you serious?"

"Mukha ba akong palabiro?"

"Riel could you please answer my question properly?!" I scolded him. Akala ko ay magagalit siya but he just laughed at me like I'm nothing but a joke.

"Anong nakakatawa?" tanong ko sa kaniya. Tiningnan ko siya nang matalim.

"Galit na galit ka kasi. You look like a cute angry muffin, to be honest."

A muffin.

Tingnan mo nga naman itong si Riel. I don't think he's sincere but if you just confessed to someone you adore, would you act like this? Minus points ka na agad, Riel.

"You look like a very squishy yet sulky muffin."

Tawang-tawa siya sa muffin joke niya habang ako rito, napa-face palm na lang. Iwan ko kaya siya rito?

"But, really," pahabol ni Riel at tumitig sa akin. Inilagay niya ang takas na buhok ko saka ngumiti habang naiwan akong nakabusangot. "I am not asking you to like me back, alright?"

"Hindi naman kasi kita ni-re-reject agad. I was just about to ask you kung paano mo ako nagustuhan nang ganoon kabilis."

"I do not know how and why it happened so fast," Riel replied, still looking at me intently. "Ang alam ko lang ay hinahanap ko ang presensiya mo at masaya ako kapag magkasama o nagkikita tayo. All I know is that I think of you most of the time these days."

Pakiramdam ko ay nag-init ang pisngi ko sa sinabi niya. It is my first time having someone tell me these kind of things and. . . I am fluttered. Surprised. And amazed.

"At sinabi ko na huwag mo akong i-reject agad kasi gusto ko ng pagkakataon. Give me a chance to show that I like you."

Hindi ako nakasagot agad. Ang seryoso niya sa sinasabi niya na hindi ako makapagsalita. It is like he is pouring his heart out while saying those things.

"Riel. . . "

Riel sighed and beamed his sweet smile again. "Don't be pressured, Sage. I told you I like you so you will know about it, alright? And of course, so I could shoot my shot. So I could show you I like you. Truly."