Mind of Mine : Beginning

The beginning of what?

For a long time, I kept a diary by my side. Inside of it, I would write, my daily life and my struggles. But growing up, I realised I never could read it again. Why? Because reading the daily life of a 14, 15, 16… years old girl isn’t that cool. It’s pretty boring and you don’t seem to understand what was going on in her mind. Even though it was my life and me who wrote those words, the fact that I grew up and matured made me feel uncomfortable with those thoughts. Therefore, I decided to keep writing a diary, but differently, this time, instead of just my daily life and complaints, I would write about my point of view and my opinion. Not necessarily on my life, because I have memories to keep it, but about subjects that are dear to me. You can think that this book will be a bit like a biography, but it isn’t exactly a biography. It’s more like an excuse, a defense I’m making for my future self. 

I tend to watch a lot of dramas and understand their theme: Love, hate, family, friendships, abandon, adoption, and others. But then I was delighted to see that a lot of people think differently about those same subjects. I could mentally debate with the producer about his or her vision of the chosen theme. From love to death, through adoption marriage, brotherhood, patriotism, faith and loyalty, I could have a mental discussion with an unknown person from the other side of the world and learn, a point of view, a culture, a language, a story, but more importantly, build my own personality and my own personal knowledge out of it.

 Life isn’t a drama and you never know if your struggles will come to an end or will they pursue to your next life (if you believe in reincarnation of course). I decided to write those chapters so that I could make people around me understand me more. Why am I not a feminist? Why am I so rude sometimes? Why do I dislike children but will fight for their cause? All those things that I can’t explain out loud, I want to write them down somewhere so people can see that I’m actually not that of a bad person.  I also want to know myself more, to clearly point out what I truly believe in, who I am, without any pressure from the outside. 

This book is the result of a reflection of myself. I love to draw but I know that I won’t be able to draw my thoughts, therefore I write them here. I imagine every chapter as a drawing, as a self-portrait. Honest and Loyal to me. I’ll draw through words my whole soul, a naked soul without any fantasy. I’ll use all the colours of the wind and the nature to draw the person I am.