Loving Felix

Episode 10| Confronting the ex's

 “So I didn’t tell you about my confrontation with Kira?” Vera’s eyes grew wide

“You did what!? but why Cleo? Don’t you value peace?”

“I do hence the reason I did what I did, she let her boyfriend in whilst I was half-naked!”

“Maybe she didn’t see it”

“Oh she did! I just made myself clear and all, I don’t care if she keeps giving us a straight face all the time, if she can’t respect her roommates then she’d have to learn how to cope!”

“kyer3 err(whatever) so what happened with you and Felix when I left, made your love story official?” and there I felt the blood rushing to my face. Ah Black is gold!

“No, but soon! You know I said I wasn’t sure and we’re taking it slow?” she nodded in confirmation

“Well forget that bullshit! I love him and I’m ready to walk through the phases of life with him by my side.”

“Great see? how does that feel?”

“Honestly I can’t explain, it’s intense, it’s like I breath him and after today I think there’s no turning back Vera. I’m going to tell him how I feel, confess my love for him”

“That’s the spirit” she cheered and I realized how good it felt to share this amazing feeling with a friend and a sister.

“But it seems I do the confessing every time and when I think of it, it doesn’t seem right especially in our Ghanaian society. Traditions and all”

“Yes that’s why we are in the modern world, maybe he’s shy or afraid you’d freak out or something”

“So? Felix is not the shy type and love is all about taking risk right?”

“Maybe so why don’t you take it for now, maybe he would do so some other time. Like propose marriage” she said wiggling her eyebrows.

I froze a second freaking out of the other possibilities

“Vera what if I end I being the one to propose marriage?”

“It would not get to that”

“Just saying- what do you think?”

“Modern society there’s no harm in trying”

“Naa I’m not doing that”

“Well maybe he’ll carry your baby-he’d be the pregnant one” we both lost our sanity at the imagery painted laughing without a care.

Because it was a Sunday, the after church vibes on campus and social media was all the buzz. I flopped into bed rubbing my foot and at this I wonder why heels hurt that much. I had a left over grandaunt soup and was ready to pair with abite3. I neatly prepared the cassava powder and within 15minutes my abete3 popularly known as “face-the-wall” was ready to be devoured. Yes, my fat ass and carbs!

I took a long nap and before I knew it was almost 7pm, the buzzing of my phone increased my headache

“Hello?” my voice sounded like I spoke under water

“Hey, I’m at your place, can you meet me outside the hostel?” the voice replied. I took a quick look at the caller ID

“Um okay, be right there” I quickly jumped out of bed to the bathroom, washing my face to erase and trace of sleep. Quickly applying a balm to my lips and tying my braids I headed out.

He stood with his hands in both pockets of his black pants, even though his back was to me I could easily identify him.

“Edwin” I called out closing the gap. He turned to me showing of his smile, the one that used to make my heart flatter and thinking of it now there was nothing really special about it, the feelings I had for him made him that special.

“Hey”

“You want to come inside?” I asked praying he’d turn down the offer.

“Uh it’s okay, can we take a walk?”

“Sure” we walked a little while allowing the atmosphere to settle in, it wasn’t windy but chill. We got to a quiet place under the big tress where the love benches were located.

“So what happened to us?” he asked, his eyes boring mine.

“I don’t know Edwin; you tell me?” a frown made its way to his forehead.

“One time we were talking and okay, and now we act like strangers Cleo, where did I go wrong?”

“I don’t know Edwin but I guess you grew tired of me, of calling or checking up on me without me doing it in return, and I get it. Our communication declined and I guess that’s where we fell off”

“Mmm, you know in this life you don’t have to force yourself one someone because I believe if the person truly has feelings for you he or she would make the other feel loved and appreciated. And I thought why should I keep pushing if you don’t show you want it”

“Yes that too, I get it and it was my mistake but was that enough to really let everything go? Edwin you knew me, you knew how I was hard on trust and like a turtle I was almost there with you. “

“I’m sorry”

“And what’s with you and guys can’t be with anyone because they are broke? Like Edwin did I ever take a penny from you?” I tried not to raise my voice but it was a pain in the ass every time he posted that on his social media, it made me look like a gold-digger to his friends and everyone who knew about us!” The parading mosquitoes made their presence know every now and then adding to my frustrations!

“No, c’mon that’s not what I mean”

“oh really? And what was it in our made up relationship did you try to turn me into, a money bag? Or ATM? The money you borrowed from me or the ones you took? and here I thought it was 50-50. You do me- I do you, but no Edwin.

You exploited me- not only that but controlled our supposed relationship from start! who on earth sends a “happy birthday more wins” to his girlfriend on her birthday? Edwin you literally were the last person to call me on my birthday!

 You never got me anything on valentine’s’ or my birthday but had the guts to send me a picture of what you wanted on your birthday, is that selfishness or you clearly didn’t care about me as time passed?

 least I forget you never asked me to be your girlfriend! and when I went from my comfort zone to ask you about it you said “I know, I’m working on that” like who does that Edwin, who? I was not asking you to marry me! You can’t be giving me a tag you clearly have not registered for.”

“I really didn’t take advantage of you and I’m sorry you thought that way or I made you to, I wanted alms and I thought you were the person I felt comfortable with and I could share my problems with financially and emotionally. I’m really sorry.

“But you were getting paid and I, just a student. You made believe you’d pay me back so I gave my all thinking you’d not make me starve”

“I didn’t realize how it affected you”

“Yeah you didn’t. and you know what? It made me feel insecure especially anytime you brought up money and I refuse you, you went from loving to living of from me Edwin and I’m so happy we slowly drifted apart”

 There was no time to feel guilty because I knew if I let my conscious in, I would never get the chance to let him know how much hurt I still harbor in my heart, the image and persona that makes my heart reek of regret every time I see his name pop up or recall any of the things I endured in the name of love!

“I’m not happy we did, I know it’s my fault, I’m sorry”

“I’m sorry too, I sometimes didn’t make you feel loved” he nodded face down. We stayed silent for a minute or two before deciding the mosquitoes needed privacy from their continuous merciless bites.

 We got to the taxi rank, fortunately for him there was one taking passengers. His hands held mine and for the first time I felt normal around him, I didn’t feel disgust like I imagined it to be. before my eyelids grew heavy on my pillow my heart was at peace and certain on one person owning it.