The Broken Mirror

You Know I'm No Good

February 15th, 2017 1:56 a.m.

While in the middle of my British Ladies set, I finish singing Valerie by Amy Winehouse. The audience claps once the song is over and wait for the music to start up for the next song. My hair is styled like a pin-up, full of bouncy curls and caked in hairspray. My lips are red, and I have winged eyeliner. I am wearing this beautiful black 1950s retro dress with cheetah print pumps. My feet are killing me because I have been singing all night. A school night of all nights, but I was hired to sing, too. It's not like I am the best student.

The drums open the beginning of You Know I AM No Good. The rest of the instruments start to play, and I give the audience the most devilish smirk. Knowing this is probably my anthem song. "I cheated myself. Like I knew I would. I told you I was trouble. You know that I'm no good," sultrily comes out of my mouth as I sing the chorus. The crowd yells the moment, you know that I'm no good, comes out of my mouth. They sing and dance along.

The effects of molly and alcohol finally leaving my system as I finish up my set and the room coming back into focus. Somehow, I got through this entire set without slurring my words, but I'm used to it at this point. It keeps me awake and able to feel the music as I sing. "Thank you! I'll be here next week!" I tell the audience as I finish the song. They stand and applaud my band and me.

"Sing Rehab!" Someone from the audience cries out. I want to burst out laughing, I hate that song with a passion.

"Next week!" I yell back and the crowd laughs with me. The DJ takes over the music and I turn to the band as we collect our instruments and stuff and head to the cramped green room, they have for us.

"You did awesome! Staying out with us, tonight?" Smack, my drummer says to me. I shake my head no.

"School night. I have class and dance tomorrow," I tell him. He shrugs his shoulders as I collect my stuff to leave. I head out of the club into the frigid New York air. There is wet slush on the ground, thank god I changed my shoes into boots before I came out here. A familiar face walks up to me. "Bam, what are you doing here? This isn't exactly your scene."

Bam shrugs his shoulders. "I know you had an order and I won't be able to get it to you tomorrow, so I thought I'd bring it to you tonight," He informs. I kiss his cheek while passing him the money for the bag of party drugs he's brought me. "Who said this s**t wasn't my scene?"

"The fact that you called it s**t?" I laugh. "I need to get home. I'll see you when I need you." I wave goodnight to him and hail a cab to take home.

6:30 am

My alarm goes off. Somebody kill me, is how I feel the moment I hear it. I roll over and turn off the obnoxious sound. I can already hear my sister in the bathroom singing and getting ready for school. She took some Adderall before getting up because she was up when I got home studying. I climb out of bed and grab what was left of a clip I was smoking the night before and light it back up.

My hopes are that it will get rid of the raging headache I have.

"Mom and dad are home, they will smell that," Calypso says from my door. Her toothbrush in her mouth as she brushes her teeth. I shrug my shoulders.

"I'll offer them some," I tell her laughing. She rolls her eyes and goes back into the bathroom. When I finish smoking, I go into the bathroom with her. She is slightly heavier than me, but that's because she thinks I don't see she has food hiding underneath her bed. When I come in, she's ironing her hair. "You gonna come see me next week, since you missed this week?"

She shrugs. "No promises," she responds to me while taking a section of hair.

"I'll tell Tyler to make it date, so you won't have an excuse," I respond to her. She rolls her eyes as I go to step into the shower to wash off last night's grime. We continue to get dressed in silence.

"You need to stop smoking, you're going to ruin your vocals," She says to me as we are both leaving the bathroom to go get breakfast.

"My voice will be fine," I tell her. She rolls her eyes at me as we grab bagels, they made for us and head out for school. We separate from this point. She goes to a private school, while I got to the Fame school. I drink my bagel down with a bottle filled with whiskey in a coffee mug. I must travel to the west side of Manhattan. I walked through Central Park from our penthouse on Park Avenue to get to school. It's a long walk, but I'm used to it.

"Wait up Si!" I hear Tyler yell my name. I turn to him and he's running to catch up with me.

"I was wondering where you were," I say to him. When I finish eating. I pull out a cigarette and light it and smoke while we walk to school.

"You know my mom and making sure I eat breakfast every morning," Tyler explains. I laugh as I walk with him. He's about six feet tall and his skin looks like mocha. He has a slender athletic build. "I heard you killed it last night."

"How'd you hear?"

"Some kids from school snuck in. How's Calypso?" He asks about my sister.

"Did you make sure to text her?" I ask him. He shakes his head no and I punch him in the arm "Worst boyfriend award goes to Tyler Smith!"

"Pass me one," Tyler says to me, pointing to my cigarette. I hand him one and my lighter.

"So next week, I'll be back there with a shorter showcase. Calypso is trying to talk her way out of this one. So, I need you to kidnap her and bring her. Got it?" I instruct him.

"Of course!" He says to me.

We arrive at school sometime later and nothing spectacular happens, except the school was buzzing about a party in Long Island, that I already knew about. My school schedule looks like math, English, then I have vocal. Science is after vocal and I get a break and have lunch before I have dance. I am in that class for hours. History class finishes up my day.

After school, Tyler and I smoke weed before we go back home for the day with some of our school friends in the park. Abigail, who I like to call my second-best friend, after my sister, braids my hair.

"Your hair is so thick!" She says as she plays in it. Laura holding the blunt in her hand smokes and passes to Chris. She has a thing for him, but he wants me, so she hates me. Like right now she's staring at him like she could ride him at any moment. I wish he would pay her attention though because he always makes things awkward after s*x.

"You know why it's so thick," I say to Abigail. It's warmed up since this morning and we are finding that we must remove our coats to be able to take the temperature difference. "Got a drop of coffee in this cream."

Abigail laughs. Laura rolls her eyes at me. She's also a vocal major and seems to think we are in competition of best vocals at school. She doesn't know that she's in that competition by herself. Both Tyler and Chris are in band, while Abigail is a drama major.

"What did you do for Calypso for Valentine's day?" Abigail asks Tyler.

"Took her to see a movie and dinner. She loved it," he tells her. He met my sister because our parents are friends. Both of his parents are also a musicians. We've grown up together.

"Si, when are you going to Harlem to get the stuff from Bam," Chris asks me. I pull out the bag of goodies and hand it over to him.

"He came to the club last night," I inform him. Chris looks annoyed by that response. He knows I have s*x with Bam, too. I must keep reminding him I share my body with whoever I want.

"You were so good last night. I'm sorry I didn't get to see the whole thing," Abigail says to me. Her fingers feel like heaven in my hair while I pull on the blunt to smoke.

"She was okay," Laura answers. She came with her to watch me.

"Can you for once act like you're not jealous of me?" I say plainly. She shoots me a look of pure anger. I laugh despite myself. The rest of them try to hold in their laughter a lot better than I do.

"I am not jealous of you!"

"You sure do look a little green," I respond to her, now not holding back.

"That's because I am sick of this conversation," she stands up and brushes off the dirt that is stuck to her butt. "I need to get home." She leaves and we all just laugh at her expense.

5:36 p.m.

I tried to take a nap, but it was not restful. I stare at myself in the bathroom mirror. My face looks a little gaunt and my bags are trying to peek through.

"You look awful," Calypso says to me.

"Well face me, so I can get a better mirror reflection," I joke.

Calypso is a mirror image of me. Any birthmarks that I have on my body, she has it on the exact same spot on the opposite side. We have a birthmark on our shoulders, hers is on the left and mines is on the right. I'm left-handed, she's right-handed. Of late though, our faces are looking different. Her face a little rounder, mines not so much. Alcohol and some drug taking up most of my diet.

"Siren...," I hear her say. I raise an eyebrow, knowing where this conversation is about to go. I felt it coming this morning, but she knows I am not a morning person.

"I'll take another nap. We have that party to go to tonight," I assure her. She crosses her arms and shakes her head no at me.

"You and I know you need more than a nap... I am worried about you. If this keeps going... I don't know. I don't want to have to...," she can't even finish her statement.

"Go ahead and tell them. You'll be in some type of facility with me. Don't think I don't hear you in the bathroom after every meal and you have tons of junk food stuffed underneath your bed. The shower doesn't drown out the sounds," I retort.

Her eyes go wide. She looks hurt knowing full well she's as screwed up as I am. Her eyes flicker and the sadness turns to anger. "You know what, maybe that's what's best for us! Before one of us dies from this stupidity."

I burst out laughing. "So, you want to be locked up for months? Ha! Calypso, you and I both know how much that would ruin your reputation and our parents. You wouldn't dare," I say throwing down the gauntlet. I cross my arms knowing I'm right.

I can see in her face she knows what's at stake. In our world, reputation is everything. No one wants to be the family that everyone gossips about at the next party in the Hamptons. Fitting in has not been the easiest when my mother is not from money. "As I thought. You're just as shallow as mom." Calypso clinches her fists ready to strike me.

"Girls! Dinner is ready!" We hear our nanny Rhea yell out. I push past Calypso. We enter the dining room with Calypso at the heels of my feet. We take our seats around the table. All the seats are filled which is a rare occasion.

"Siren, you are looking lovely! I have never seen your collarbone so pronounced before. Are you going to share with me this diet?" My mother asks me. I grimace at the ignorant comment that comes from her.

Our dining room fits a long dark wood table, with chairs to match. The cushions are a pearly white. The staff keeps them pristine. The whole room is chromatic from top to bottom.

"Now mom, those are my secrets to keep. Maybe you should ask Calypso about her diet," I respond trying to hold in a laugh. Calypso glares at me. My father clears his throat.

"Can we talk about something other than weight loss for once? Like school? Last time I heard you had made honors society, Calypso?" My father asks her. Calypso takes her schoolwork seriously. She's the student body president and cheerleader at her private school. She exhausts me with all that she's involved with.

"Yes, tell us about how perfect you are, Calypso," Apollo says and the two of us laugh hysterically. Our mother shakes her head at us.

"Maybe if you two applied yourself, we'd be asking all three of you about this," she chastises us. I roll my eyes at her.

"Well maybe if you two were home more, we wouldn't have to have these annoying conversations and you would just know," I replied. I glared at her. The rest of the table goes silent.

"You know that isn't possible. We are on break from the tour and I have a couple of songs I have to record," my dad explains to me. "I need your mom on the road to manage everything." I slowly nod my head. Him being the only one to keep me from escalating this conversation. Him being home means I get to go to the studio and record. I take a deep breath to calm myself down from the other thoughts that were ready to come flying out of my mouth.

"With graduation in a few months, trying to maintain my spot as valedictorian. I cannot wait for my acceptance letter to come in," she tells my father. He beams. Both of our parents went to Columbia University.

"Listen to Calypso, so sure of herself. Y'know dad could just donate to Columbia and you could get in that way," I tease her. Okay, more like an insult. I'm still upset about our bathroom conversation.

"Or I could actually earn it and not rely on daddy's money like a spoiled brat," she retorts, obviously still mad, too.

"Can you two stop bickering! Let's talk about love lives instead," my mother yells at us. We stop talking for a moment. Apollo talks about his girlfriend that he has. He goes to the same school as Calypso. Calypso chimes in with her recent date with Tyler for Valentine's day and how we will be seeing him in a few hours for the party in Long Island.

"Why Long Island of all places?" She asks us. We all laugh at her disdain for Long Island. Her question is completely absurd mainly because Long Island is where she's from. Elmont specifically. My mother does not find any of our laughter funny. She hates talking about how she is the child of a working-class family. Their family started out in Crown Heights, Brooklyn. "You can all laugh if you want, but I am quite sure I would've left that place on my own. I was in the middle of getting a doctorate."

"You wouldn't be living on the Upper Eastside," I respond to her. She rolls her eyes at me and somehow it calms the tension in the room. Our dinner continues and we look like the picture-perfect family that they show in those frames at the store.

8:16 p.m.

After I smoked some more and took a nap after dinner, Calypso is trying to apply lashes to my eyelids. We function as the other one's make-up artist and hairstylist. When she's done, we both stand up and I wrap my arms around her waist. I rest my head on her shoulders. It's how I say sorry. I don't ever utter those words. She rests her head on mines and smiles, while we stare at ourselves in the mirror.

"I will let loose, tonight. You're partially right, I am too hard on myself," She informs me. I pull away with a grin.

"Did hell freeze over? Did the great Calypso just admit she was wrong, and I am right?" I joke. She punches me in the arm.

"I said partially," she corrects me while swatting me with a towel. "Come on. It's your turn to drive." We both dressed in shorts in the middle of February. Going for sexy not comfort. I chose one of my vintage crop tops. She's wearing a black lace shirt with a red bra underneath. Right now, with her being plumper, she's filling out the shorts more than I am. A blessing from our father's family.

"Ugh, but I hate driving," I tell her.

"Don't care, now let's go you, big baby," She teases me.

We both head down in the elevator to the parking garage beneath our building. My parents own many cars, but we only have one here in New York. We jump into my dad's Porsche. We drive out of the city and into Queens on the Long Island Expressway. Listening to music and singing at the top of our longs.

The further we get from Manhattan, the more trees and greenery we see. I keep driving until it's time to get off the highway and head to the mansion. It is a modest size mansion. Nothing spectacular, but to someone without money, it looks amazing.

"It could be worse, at least we aren't in New Jersey right now."

"Or Staten Island," I add.

My sister laughs. We both greet our friends as we make our way inside. I dance my way through the crowd over to the makeshift bar. I begin mixing myself my first drink.

"I am going to look for Tyler," Calypso tells me. I nod at her. After a couple of shots and partying, I go to find those two. Abigail and Laura in tow. Tyler and Calypso are arguing when I find them. Us three walks over to see if we can get them to stop.

"What did you do to my sister now?" I accuse him while laughing.

"I did nothing. She is mad cause some chick commented on one of my photos calling me a snack," he tells me. Abigail and Laura begin to laugh.

"Yeah and you didn't tell the little b***h to cool it," she yells at him.

"Calypso, I think you need more to drink, you are overreacting. Take this as a compliment, it means you got good taste," I tell her.

"Sober up Si!" She tells me.

"Boo!" I yell back. I pull on her and us girls head back over to the bar. I pour two shots for each of us. "I promise you will calm down if you have some."

She rolls her eyes at me. She grins, once she relents. Us ladies grab the first shot glass and drink it back quickly. We take the second one and we drink that just as fast. I go to pour myself another, taking my third one. My sister is only a social drinker. Her drug of choice is Adderall so she can study all night and go to school with no issues. Underneath my bed is weed and liquor bottles.

"Let me go find Tyler and apologize," she says.

"Good! No more fighting!"

Abigail makes me a drink in a red solo cup and passes it to me. We talk about the crazy s**t going on at school. Which teacher is sleeping with which student? Chris walks up to our little group. Just the person I want to see because I'm tired of just drinking, I want something more.

"Hey!" Laura says way to eagerly. Chris looks at her and nods with his attention on me. Another dark-haired, tall, bad boy is the best way to describe him.

"Let me get a sip," he says to me looking into my cup. You can see the fumes coming out of Laura's ears and she grabs Abigail to find something better to do. Probably talk s**t about me. I bite my lip and bring the cup up to his lips. He slowly opens his mouth and I give him a tiny drop. "That's it?'

"If you want more, you gotta give me whatever you are on," I tell him. He pulls out the bag of molly that I bought the other day. He pops the pill in his mouth. I smirk up at him and pull his face down towards me. With my tongue, I search for the pill and once I have it, I pull away. I drink it down with whatever is left in my cup, staring at his lustful eyes. I reach to pull his body up against mines.

"Let me have another sip...," he says.

"No," I giggle. I can feel him pressing into my hip. I grab his face again to satisfy both of our lusty hunger. Our tongues meet and he pulls me even closer to him. I pull away and grab his arm to find a quiet spot in the house.

When I find an empty room, he pushes me against a wall, which makes growl. His fingers get entwined in my hair and he passionately tugs on it. His free hand exploring my body while he sucks and bites at the side of my neck. I tug on his button and slide my hands down his jeans. My hand rubbing his d**k. He lets out a loud moan.

"Siren..." he says my name and I shut him up with my mouth. I stop to begin pulling down on my shorts. He quickly follows my movements staring at me. He pulls my panties down while I roll the condom I had in my pocket onto his d**k. The moment it is on, he lifts me up on the wall and slides right in.

His hip thrusts into are hungry and frantic. I moan with each movement and can't help but call his name. My body begins to tense up as a wave of pleasure takes over. His hand hits the wall as he braces himself and me on the wall. He lets out a deep moan and begins to slow down. He grabs the back of my head and kisses me. I push him away, satisfied with what I got.

"I'm not your girlfriend, remember?"

"You kissed me before," he replies to me. I laugh.

"Yeah, cause it gets your d**k hard," I shoot back. "No boyfriend policy." He hovers over me and places a finger under my chin, tilting my head to up to face him.

"You are the most incredible girl at school...," he sweetly says to me.

"I am also the biggest thot at school and want to keep my reputation," I say trying to diffuse him. 

"You are going to be the death of me. Why?"

"Chris, you keep doing this every time. If you bring this up again, I will stop this."

He lets out a defeated sigh. "I believe you should have someone to love, who loves you back.

"That person, being you? You wouldn't know what to do with me. All I will do is hurt you."

"Like right now?"

I laugh at him. "Can't get hurt if no strings are attached..." I wink at him and leave him in the room to go back to the party. As the night wears on and all that I have ingested takes over. The night becomes more of a blur of dancing and laughing with my schoolmates. Mind f*****g numbness achieved!

February 16, 2017 1:56 a.m.

"Tyler! Don't talk to me for the rest of the night!" I hear Calypso scream in front of everyone. I am sitting on Chris' lap slightly dazed.

"Soso you are extremely drunk and need to go home," Tyler says to her. He is also just as drunk. I raise an eyebrow at Chris, visually saying what the f**k. Calypso runs off somewhere in the house and I got to follow her.

"What is wrong with you tonight?" I ask her.

"Mind your business, Si!" She yells at me. My mind is coming back into focus on what is going on. 

"That's kind of hard when you're drunk fighting in front of all our friends," I calmly respond to her.

"f**k them!" She screams.

"What did he do? Do you want me to talk to him?"

"He just hates how drunk I am," she says slurring her words.

"Bullshit."

"Whatever! Can I get a moment to myself?"

I storm away from her looking for Tyler to see what's really going on. When I do see him, he's talking to some friends. I grab his arm and lead him to the kitchen to talk to him.

"What now? Did Soso send you to yell at me?" He asks. They usually put me in the middle of their fights.

"No, she won't even talk to me. What is the matter with her?" I ask him.

He lets out a deep sigh. "I stupidly told her she needed to be more like you. She's too uptight," he admits to me. Oh, that would piss off anyone.

"She does not need to be like me! Why would you say that bullshit?" I ask stabbing him in the chest with my fingers.

"You know how to have fun. Getting a bad grade in school isn't the end of the world. You don't care about what others think of you," he explains to me. He steps dangerously too close to me. The look on his face looks like Chris' after we had s*x. My eyes widen and praying to God he is not about to say or do anything. "Can I be honest?"

No, don't be honest. "Uh...I don't know," like seriously I want lies right now. I'm afraid of what he might say. The alcohol in his system seems to be making his lips looser than they should be.

"I wanted to be with you, not Calypso, but you won't date anyone," My mouth drops open with that nuclear bomb of truth. I feel like my mind is about to implode. Before I can think he is pulling my face towards his and kissing me. I am shamefully enjoying it a bit.

"The f**k!" I hear Calypso yell. I push Tyler away at the sound of her voice. I smack Tyler probably a second too late. The whole party has come to a halt at the sound of my hand. They all stare into the kitchen confused by the drama unfolding. "My sister?" She yells again.

"No, Soso, wait...," he calls after her as she runs off. I get away from him and chase after her. She runs out into the cold February night.

"Calypso wait!" I yell for her.

"You b***h!" She pushes me the moment I get to her. "Why Siren? Like you don't already have all Upper Eastside's d**k in your mouth!"

"I didn't kiss him! He kissed me! I was in total shock that he was even doing it," I yell back.

"No! I saw your face. You enjoyed it. That's why our parents named you Siren, you're nothing but a f*****g monster!" I grab her and head towards the car as she fights me.

"Shut up and get in the car before you embarrass yourself any further!"

"You just did that for me!"

"No, Tyler did! And it's time to go home," I tell her.

"No, you are still high!" She yells at me. I open the door to the car and throw her inside. I get into the driver's seat.

"It's my night to drive and I'm fine. Y'all helped sober me up!" I lie to her and speed off towards our home.

"I can't believe you. You just kiss my boyfriend and act like you did nothing," she says with her arms crossed and angry tears spilling out of her eyes.

"Your boyfriend is a piece of s**t and the very reason I won't date," I yell back. I wish she would stop accusing me of something that is entirely his fault.

"Y'know he told me I needed to be more like you. But I would never want to be like you. I hate the fact that I even look like you!" She yells and for some reason, I snapped at that. I shove her and she hits her head up against the passenger side window. I look at her quickly and she is snarling with anger now. "Pull the f**k over now!"

"No! You're acting like a f*****g psycho!"

Calypso goes to yank on the steering wheel, and I punch her to get her to stop, but it's too late. I lose control of the car. I try to regain control, but nothing works because now I'm hitting into another vehicle hard. Our car begins to spin into other lanes and finally, it stops with my side facing the oncoming cars. Before I can react, a semi smashes into the front of the car and the car flies over the divider and lands on the roof.