The Broken Mirror

She Will Be Loved

I throw my empty flask in the glove compartment. I will refill it tomorrow morning. It is New Year's Eve and I am ready to party. My hair and makeup are done in the retro style I prefer. I chose to wear a shimmery gold dress that has a sweetheart neckline and had a pencil skirt, that made sure I was being hugged in all the right places. I grab the bottles of champagne I bought as a gift for them out of my car and head towards the door.

I flew back home Christmas morning. I could not stay with my mother another second. Luckily, the press had left by the time I lost it, but there were too many tongues there to wag. Whatever party they are having there tonight, I am quite sure my family will be the juicy gossip. I know my mother would not dare show her face at any of them.

Some of the guests are hanging outside by the time I arrive. Gabrielle insisted that everyone gets dressed up for this. Which I did not complain about. I heard the guys did. They wanted a typical college keg-party. That is not her style, and so she took over planning.

"Beautiful!" Gabrielle screams as she sees me. I hand her the bottles.

"Gorgeous!" I yell back and we hug and give playful air kisses. The music is blaring in their house and I wonder how their neighbors deal.

"How'd you get this?" She asks me about the bottles.

"I have connections," I respond. She winks at me.

"So, you flirted with the guy at the liquor store."

"Forgot to ask for ID since my breasts were such a distraction. Come on, I need a drink after the Christmas I just had!" I yell over the music. Gabrielle leads me over to where the drinks are waiting for me to pour. Come to mama! I pour a shot of tequila and take it down like its water. I grab a red solo cup and pour more. I don't mix it with anything and Gabrielle stares at me like I lost my head.

"Too badass for a chaser?" She asks me. I shrug my shoulders. "Girl, what the hell happened in New York that you went from never touching this stuff to drinking like a pro?"

Ethan comes over with Kristin in tow just as I answer. "Freedom. Freedom, from my mother's bullshit." I drink down the tequila as if its water. They watch me in amazement.

"Slow down, S!"

"Ha! Don't worry. What're your new year's resolutions?" I ask them to try to distract them from my drinking. They each begin talking about how they feel for next year.

"I don't make resolutions. The time of the year shouldn't dictate to me when I should change myself."

"Kristin, I love the way you think," I tell her. It keeps them occupied while I drink another cup.

"Really? Says the girl who keeps talking about fresh starts," Ethan questions.

"Yeah, but it wasn't cause it was the new year," I respond to Ethan. I really want something more than what's in my cup, but I know they won't be bringing any drugs. Parties should be enjoyed with molly. Well, that was my philosophy before I was forced to clean up.

"And what prompted this?" Gabrielle asks.

"Christmas happened."

"It was that bad?" She continues to question.

"It was bad for my mother... f**k her," I say. I can feel the alcohol starting to take over. I start swaying to the music playing as I talk to them. I feel a presence walk up beside me.

"That doesn't look like soda," Xavier whispers to me. My heart drops when I hear his familiar baritone. I don't know if it's because of what he just said, his presence, or both.

"And how would you know?" I ask him. He gets so close to me I can smell his cologne.

With his lips hovering above my ear. "What are you doing?" I turn to face him, and our faces are so close I could kiss him.

"I have everything under control." He stares at me for a few seconds.

"Need a room?" Ethan interrupts our stare-off. Both Xavier and I shoot him a look that could kill.

"Nah, bro, just making sure she's okay." He walks away from the group and both Gabrielle and Ethan stare at me for answers.

"What?" I ask them.

"Just really..." Gabrielle says.

"...intense." Ethan finishes her statement. I shrug my shoulders and start up a new conversation to distract them some more. I steal glances towards Xavier, whose eyeing me the whole time. I try not to roll my eyes.

"I want to dance!" I grab Gabrielle's arm and move over to where everyone is dancing. I know Xavier is still watching me and I plan on putting on a show. Gabrielle and I start dancing with each other, me facing Xavier. I make sure my hips are moving suggestively to the music. His eyes look hypnotized by them as he watches me. Mission accomplished.

We dance until we are a sweaty mess. I turn to see Xavier has left where he was. As the party wears on, and a couple more drinks in my system, I need to use the bathroom. Before I can make it to the bathroom in their hallway. I feel a hand grab me and pull me into a bedroom.

"What are you doing?"

"No! What are you doing?" Xavier asks me. I struggle against his grip and try and walk away from him.

"Xavier, I said I was fine."

"You are not about to ignore this problem." He's not going to let me go. I decide to change my approach and I wrap my free arm around his neck and stand on my tiptoes.

"Kiss me at midnight?" I ask him. I nuzzle at his neck and he allows it for a second and I can feel he did enjoy it, but then he pushes me away.

"Do not try and distract me." He crosses his arms over his wide chest. "Besides you made it perfectly clear where we stand." I throw my arms around his neck again.

"I said no relationship, but that doesn't mean we can't benefit from each other." He doesn't push me off this time, but he shakes his head no.

"Answer me, Siren! Why are you drinking again? Did you take anything else?"

"Woah, dad!" I mock. "The most fun I've had has been with your booze." He grips my wrists and pulls my hands down but doesn't let go. He kisses the palms of my hands.

"I care about you Siren, which means I'm not going to allow you to continue down this road. What triggered this?"

"I'm tired of giving a s**t about what others think. I just want to be me...old me... who didn't give a damn."

"You could've been her without all this."

"No, I can't!" I yell. I finally free myself from his grip and run back out of his room to go find the bathroom, like I needed to. I get back to the party and see Time Square on the television, the music no longer playing. Everyone standing around in anticipation for the ball to drop. I quickly go to Gabrielle. Everyone begins to countdown. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one!

"Happy New---," Gabrielle tries to say. As the clock strives zero, Xavier has his arms around me and his lips on mines drowning out my Happy New Year. My lips part to allow his tongue in. I reach up and grab his head to pull myself closer, lost in the passion. I run my fingers through his hair and his hands explore my body pulling me closer.

It feels like time has stood still and I don't want it to end. My whole body is on fire, just wanting to burn up in his arms. I forget that he was just questioning me about my drinking. He finally pulls away and we both stand in each other's arms breathless. Not saying a single word. He let's go completely and disappears in his hallway. I touch my lips, and they tingle. I need more.

"That was the hottest thing I've ever witnessed," Gabrielle finally says, probably from being there in shock from the kiss. I stand there speechless. "Obviously, you feel the same way."

I don't see Xavier for the rest of the night. The kiss has me on a high that keeps me distracted from the festivities. People try and talk to me and I force myself to speak, but all I can feel is his lips on mines. When the party ends, I stay at their house. I needed a sleepover.

I sit on Gabrielle's bed, trying to take in tonight's events. "The two of you were weird all night. I'm just happy you two finally kissed."

"We were not acting weird," I say. I still feel a little drunk. I lay against her headboard as she braids up her hair, so it doesn't knot. She gave me a hair tie to pull my hair up in a pineapple-bun. I, of course, have on one of her so-called long shirts.

"Yeah, like the two of you had some unknown secret and then that kiss. Now, because X feels like my brother, I don't need the details."

"Well, you witnessed it," I tease her. She sticks her tongue out at me while facing her mirror. When she's done, she turns off the light and climbs into the bed with me. We say goodnight and she quickly goes to sleep. My lips feel like they are still tingling from the kiss. I am tired enough to doze in and out, but the room spins a bit.

I get out of the bed and head to their kitchen for water. I pray this works. The kitchen light is already on and Xavier is sitting on a kitchen counter, with his long legs dangling off. There is a water bottle sitting next to him. He's in his boxers and I'm not sure if this is the image I needed while still feeling a little drunk.

"Thirsty?" I stand at the kitchen entrance awkwardly.

"You were waiting for me?" I asked him. He smiles at me.

"Oh, I knew what time you'd get up getting water. I was also hoping you sobered up some," he explains.

"That... um, kiss helped to sober me up a bit," I admit to him while walking over to take the water. I get it and sit on the kitchen island away from him. He hops down and walks over to me. He places his hands on either side of me on the island. His hips pressing into my knees.

"Answer me. What happened?"

"First you tell me why you kissed me?" I ask him. He grins and leans in closer to my face, threatening another kiss.

"You asked for a kiss at midnight, forgot?" I can feel the heat of his breath over my lips. "Now spill."

I can feel my resolve melting away and I just want to rest my head on his bare chest, so I do. His comforting presence that makes me feel like I'm home while making me melt. Especially when things got hard, it was extremely easy to talk to him. He wraps his big arms around me and pulls me closer to him. The tears begin to form.

"I lost it at Christmas."

He kisses my forehead and the dam bursts. It encourages all my emotions to come bubbling up to the service.

"My family has this annoying Christmas Eve party every year. It was going so well, I got to perform with my dad, but I noticed there were more people there than usual. They were all there to see me and I felt like an animal at the zoo. They would whisper about me and tell these crazy-ass stories," I explain to him. He begins to play in my thick hair, and it soothes me. "...and then Tyler corners me."

"He did what?" Xavier almost pulls away, but when I shush him, he resumes what he was doing.

"I put him in his place. I announced to the whole room what he did before my sister died and then because my mother wanted me to calm down, I told all them everything that happened."

"Everything...?"

"From Tyler kissing me that caused the fight that led to the accident, how my mother treated me, how I overdosed, and then becoming a convicted killer," I give him the cliff notes version of it. He lifts his head and looks at me. I can't read his face. He's staring at me in wonder. Then he plays with my hair, again. He comes in closer and kisses my lips gently and then my cheek. He pulls away, his dimples on full display.

"Thank you for finally trusting me." I rest my head on his shoulder and sob into his neck.

"I killed my own sister, and I'm alive because they gave me her liver!"

"Shh..." he coos at me. "Don't say that."

"I was driving that night and fighting with her while drunk and high. I should have been the one to die." Xavier kisses my shoulder as I continue to let out what I've been holding in.

"I wish I could've been at that party with you," he admits. I pull his face towards mines and kiss him. He lets my tongue in and I pull him closer to me. His kiss giving me everything I need right now. I run my hand through his hair.

He pulls me closer to him and I wrap my legs around his hips. While kissing me, he takes my arms and wraps them around his neck. He lifts me off the counter and he walks to his room while our lips are still locked. He places me on his bed. He pulls away and I stare at him trying to figure out why he stopped. He brushes some of the loose strands out of my face. He places his forehead to mines.

"It's not that type of party. I just don't want to leave you, yet, and that kitchen counter isn't the most comfortable." I giggle and rest my head on his chest. This is odd for me. It's always been about s*x with other guys. He just wants to hold me.

"Xavier..." I feel nervous because these emotions I feel are different and I like it. Which scares the s**t out of me.

"Yes?"

"You're too good to me," I tell him. I pull my body closer to him while I feel my eyes getting heavy listening to his heartbeat. He plays in my hair until I lose my grip on consciousness. When I wake up the next morning, I can feel Xavier's chest on my back, his arms wrapped around me. I smile feeling his big strong arms around me. I turn around in his arms and begin kissing his neck. He sleepily moans to my kisses.

"Good morning to you, too." I brush my nose against him and he kisses me. I can feel him getting excited on my thigh. I run my fingers through his black hair while wrapping one of my legs around him and I use it to push his back flat on the bed. I straddle his hips and lean forward and kiss him more.

His hands grab my hips and slowly uses his hands to explore my body. I sit up and pull off my shirt, exposing my bare breasts to him. His hands slowly feel its way up towards my breasts. I moan from his touch and begin grinding my hips over his. He places his hand in my wet panties and begins to caress my c**t. He goes to pull my panties off while still rubbing on my c**t. A moan escapes my mouth.

A loud bang comes from the door.

"S, are you in there?" I can feel Xavier begin to go soft and I climb off him. I grab my shirt and put it back on while he heads to the door. He opens the door and glares Gabrielle.

"Do you mind?" Gabrielle bursts out laughing.

"Morning cockblocker," I respond to her laughter.

"Did I interrupt? I just wanted to know where my bedmate was. Sorry, that I lack in the balls department."

"El! Shut up!" Xavier leans up against the door frame grinning at me. Showing off his dimples that I am going to lick one day.

"She's my bedmate now."

"It's about damn time," Gabrielle says walking away. Xavier closes the door and climbs back in the bed with me.