The Broken Mirror

One Sweet Day

"Wow!" Gabrielle yells. "Your parents allowed you to perform that as a teen?"

"My mom hates that song," Apollo informs her.

"Yes, I hate it," My mother says standing at the entrance. "But it was great hearing you sing again." I don't respond to her comments. I turn off the machine.

"No offense mom, you hated most of the songs I chose. That's why I always made sure to do Mariah Carey when you did show up for a show," I tell her.

"Yes, well you needed songs that showed off your vocal range. Not too many people can do the whistle notes," she says to me as she steps further into the room. Nothing is ever good enough for this woman. "Are you going to introduce me to your friends?"

"Oh, yeah. You've met Gabrielle. This is her brother Ethan, and this is Xavier," I say introducing them. "I am giving them a tour, which should be continuing." I turn to walk out of the room and they all quickly follow, leaving my mother in the room by herself.

I show them the other guests' rooms. My father's office that has a small recording studio. Then show them the small chapel that we had made for my grandparents years ago. We will have church in there on Sunday morning this weekend. I explain to them it was a request from my grandparents and it's been tradition to have a small service after Thanksgiving.

"So, you don't get struck down in there?" Ethan asks me, remembering me telling them I would get struck down in a church. I shook my head at him. I lead them back down to the first floor into the other foyer that has a double staircase. I lead them to the East side of the house and show them the den and small dining room. I explain to them that there are two dining rooms and two kitchens. This one is for breakfast and when it's just our family. The ones on the west side are for parties, and there is a ballroom on that side of the house.

I lead them into the kitchen that is attached to the small dining room. My back is turned as I lead them in; talking about the house. When I turn around, I stop cold in my tracks. A ghost from my past standing at the kitchen counter eating a sandwich. Tyler Smith.

"Si!" Tyler exclaims walking over to me. I feel like I am about to be sick at the sight of him. Great, the peace I was hoping for is now out of reach. I haven't seen him since my sister's death and now he's just standing in my kitchen. Yelling my name as if we are still so close.

"What is he doing here?" I whisper to Apollo.

"His family is our dinner guests this year," Apollo explains to me. I try and stay calm. He stands in front of my friends and me. I am trying to make sure no one sees that I am seething.

"My family wanted to spend Thanksgiving with you guys after the last two years you guys have endured," Tyler explains his unwelcomed presence. He tries to hug me, and I stiffen up in his arms. I push him away gently.

"Oh, now you care?" I ask him, making sure he knows I do not appreciate their so-called gesture.

I can hear Ethan whispering to Gabrielle, "I thought the fresh start had nothing to do with a guy."

"It doesn't," I answer him, glaring. Tyler ignores my question and points to my friends standing behind me. "These are my friends Ethan, Gabrielle, and Xavier. This was Calypso's boyfriend, now if you'll excuse us, I was giving them a tour. I believe you've been here before."

We walk out into another room as quickly as I can. The others follow at my speed, understanding the intensity of the tension between our exchange. I can feel myself starting to lose it a bit and I turned to Apollo. It's time for me to be alone so I gain control. "Apollo, can you show them the rest of the house? I need a ---,"

"Yeah! Sure... follow me guys," Apollo interrupts knowing I need a minute. I turn and head towards the patio doors. I don't want them to see me cry. I need this moment, so I can get through this weekend. I hear them follow behind Apollo. I head to the edge of our property which is the Tampa Bay. I sit down and lookout. I can see the other side of Tampa from my spot. There are a couple of sailboats, not many.

I can hear feet approaching behind me and I quickly dry my tears on my clothes. "I wanted to be alone."

"Yeah, well, I agreed to a tour by you... and I think I'm getting to see the best view of the house," Xavier responds. I don't even lookup. He sits down next to me. I refuse to look at him.

"What do you want?" Hoping my tone will deter him from any further intrusion.

"To see... if you were all right," he quietly says.

I let out a painful chuckle. "Since when do you care?"

"I am not a heartless ass..."

"No, just an ass."

"Ha!" Silence passes between us.

"Family and holidays aren't the best for me, either. I came because it meant being with my parents for Thanksgiving, instead of Ethan's and Gabrielle's," he explains to me.

"Aw, and I thought it was to see my pretty face." I turn to look at him and I realize he had been staring at me the whole time. I meet his gaze and he quickly looks away as if my eyes burned him. "Oh, it was cause you wanted to see my pretty face."

"Don't flatter yourself."

"But I am." I giggle.

He clears his throat. "Anyways, I am just trying to say I know being with family can be hard."

"If you knew... ugh, it makes me want a cigarette!" I complain.

"You smoke?" He asks me surprised.

I shake my head no. "Not anymore... but it would help take the edge off right now. " We get quiet again.

"So, that guy back there---," he tries to say before I interrupt him.

"Please...don't."

"Fine. I didn't want to be at my house for Thanksgiving, because I can't stand to see my mother drunk again, and my father trying to pretend her behavior is normal." I soak in what he just said. He's trying to get me to open up. How did we get here that I have Xavier trying to have a heart to heart?

"Why would you tell me that?" I ask him.

He looks me directly in the eyes. Any apprehension he had before is now gone. "Because we all have dark secrets, Siren. Keeping them to yourself doesn't protect you. It destroys you." With that, I stand up abruptly, not able to take anymore.

"Xavier, thanks for the concern. But I've been handling my demons by myself all my life. I don't need your shoulder to cry on." I run off to go to be alone in my bedroom. Thanksgiving is about to be the nightmare I was trying to avoid. Now my friends are going to start asking way too many questions. I am still not ready to answer them, yet.

Gabrielle and I kept busy in the entertainment room, between watching movies, singing karaoke, and trying to copy the dance moves from different music videos. The guys were playing flag football somewhere on the property grounds with my brother, my dad, and Tyler, and Tyler's father. We got dressed for dinner and I chose to wear something I like. A Baby Doll dress that looked like something out of the 1960s. A dress that typically irritates my mother. I had on red lipstick and winged liner, with my hair like a pin-up model.

"I have never seen you dress like this," Gabrielle says as she sees me walk into the dining room.

"I used to dress like this all the time. This is to annoy my mom for inviting Tyler's family and not warning me," I explain to her. She laughs and nods. We take our seats at the table. My mother looks at me when she enters. I can see she is annoyed with me for my style of dress. I have no idea what her problem is with vintage clothes.

The rest of the people here for dinner file in and take their seats at the table, leaving one seat open, for a guest who will never come. The food is served and between Ethan and Gabrielle, dinner is lively with the colorful stories of their upbringing. An upbringing that was totally different from mines. Theirs might have been unconventional, but it was filled with love and support.

The servants serve our food in different courses, with the massive turkey sitting in the center waiting for my father to cut it. When he does, they take a pan and he places the cut-up pieces on it, for them to serve as our main entre. I watch as my friends try to decipher the flatware. Which is hilarious to watch. I must show them which forks, knives, and spoons to use for each course.

"So, Professor Price...," Ethan goes to say.

"Call me Cookie, like my grandchildren, do," Cookie interrupts him.

"Why do you guys call her Cookie instead of grandma?" Gabrielle asks us. The room is decorated as if it's the middle of fall outside, but the trees are still just as green and will continue to be all year.

"That's because my mother would sneak Siren and Calypso cookies when they were babies," my mother explains to Gabrielle.

"That's because you had them on some stupid clean diet. Children are meant to eat cookies," Cookie retorts.

"Says the doctor," my father chimes in. The whole table bursts into laughter.

Still laughing I turn to Gabrielle, "Basically, she was trying to hide what she was doing, but my sister and I started associating her with cookies. We would just start saying Cookie whenever she was around. She got caught cause of it."

"Trust me, I am fine with it! I never wanted to be called grandma anyway," Cookie says, "sounds old." Everyone continues to laugh at her words.

"Siren, can I say, I am so happy to see such a beautiful smile on your face," Roxanne, Tyler's mother, begins to say. I shoot my parents a look for them to intervene.

"Yes, yes. We are all happy to---," my father goes to say but Roxanne interrupts him.

"After the accident and you being---," Roxanne tries to continue the conversation. I know it's not with pure intentions. She is the gossip queen in our circle.

"Roxanne, darling, we are all happy to be here as a family. Siren, since you seem to be singing again, will you mind singing with your father after dinner, you know it's a tradition." Great way to change the subject, but seriously? I sing one time and now my mother is making requests, again. I take a deep sigh.

"Yes, mother," I answer flatly. She shoots me a look and I give her a tiny smirk, knowing my response irritated her.

"So, Mr. and Mrs. Alexander, I asked Siren this, and she gave me an interesting answer, but so curious, why are your children's names based on Greek mythology?" Xavier asks my parents. I shake my head knowing this stems from the night of the party.

"I was studying to be a Historian at Columbia, specialty in mythology. Greek was my favorite," my mother explains to him.

"When Siren and Calypso were born, we hadn't come up with any names, yet. When they were born. Calypso cried and looked perfectly fine, but Siren did not cry at all and her coloring was off. The doctors tried to not freak us out, but we could see the panic in their eyes. I just remember holding onto my breath.

"Then Siren began to cry, and it sounded so beautiful as if she was singing. It could've just been because of how bad it looked. So, we named her Siren N---," my dad goes to tell my whole name, but I hate my middle name, so I interrupt him.

"They named Calypso after the goddess that is in the same story with the sirens," I quickly say.

"I was named Apollo to keep up with the theme, obviously. Would have preferred Ares," Apollo chimes in.

"Yeah, okay, god of war," I wink at Apollo. I turn my attention back to Xavier. "Was that more satisfying than my response?"

"Wait when did you ask her this?" Gabrielle asks Xavier.

"Don't worry about it, El." Obviously not wanting to know about our little moment in the kitchen in the middle of the night. Or any of our tension-filled meetings in their kitchen in the middle of the night.

"By the time high school rolled around Siren was living up to her name...," Tyler goes to say. I glare at him and give him a look that screams shut the f**k up! All he does is grin at my discomfort.

"Tell us about high school Siren," Ethan bites on the bait. I knew this was a mistake. How do you scream shut up, without making a scene? I know impossible. Besides, it makes it seem like I have secrets to hide, even though I have secrets I am hiding.

"Or we can talk about something more interesting," I suggest. Tyler continues to grin at me, knowing I am uncomfortable.

"But you were interesting in high school. One of the most interesting girls there."

"Spill! She tells us nothing!" Gabrielle exclaims, also becoming a traitor.

The last of our meal is being removed and my father clears his voice to get everyone's attention. "Actually, I believe it is time for Siren and me to continue with our family traditions. Let's all go to the entertainment room."

I breathe a sigh of relief and follow my father to the entertainment room. Everyone follows us there. He begins to set up and makes sure that the words are there for us to sing since we did not really prepare.

My father takes his mic and hands me one. "So, my wife made a special request. As you all know, our sweet Calypso is no longer with us, but this is our first-time spending Thanksgiving together as a family, since her death. Rebecca loves Mariah Carey, and there is one song very fitting." I look down at the screen and cringe. One Sweet Day is on the screen and I don't think I can hold it together through this performance.

"Dad, I don't think I can sing this," I whisper to him.

"We are singing together, and I know you can do this," he whispers back and takes my hand and squeezes it."

I take a deep breath and steady my nerves. Don't cry while singing, is all I can think. I hear the intro begin and my father opens his mouth to begin singing. "Sorry I never told you all I wanted to say...And now it's too late to hold you. 'Cause you've flown away so faraway ay-ay-ay-ay."

"Never had I imagined living without your smile...Feeling knowing you hear me it keeps me alive alive..." I begin to sing once his part is over. When the chorus begins our voices begin to rise in unison.

"And I know you're shining down on me from heaven. Like so many friends we've lost along the way. And I know eventually, we'll be together," We sing. I belt an adlib of together. "One sweet day...Loving you always and I'll wait patiently to see you in heaven" The emotions begin to pour out of me, the dam of tears breaking.

My father sees my wet face and rubs away tears as we sing together. Our voices rising to the melody and our emotions running just as high. "I'll see you eventually," we sing together with our voices soaring. Both of our chins wet, but not allowing it to ruin our vocals. I stare at my father as I sing the last couple of words, "Sorry I never told you." He smiles at me as the last line comes from our lips. "All I wanted to say..."

He grabs me and hugs me. There was an apology in his hug, and I relish at this moment. A moment I don't think I have had at all. He's given me hugs, but this one broke whatever was keeping us distant. But music for us has always been our language to each other.

"Okay, now for some cigars!" My father says. The men follow him to his office to go smoke cigars. The women go out to our patio to talk. I stand there not wanting to join either of them. The singing was therapeutic, but now my head is focused on Calypso and the last couple of years. I need time for myself, so I head up to a balcony that is on the second floor, away from everyone.

I rest my arms on the railing, thinking about the words of the song. Will I see her again? With the things I have done, I doubt it. Yet, I can feel this glimmer of hope. This need to know she is shining down on me. My world has felt even more empty since we lost her. My guilt about her death eats at me every day.

"I thought I'd find you up here," I hear Tyler say behind me. I should've gone to my room if I wanted true privacy.

"What are you really doing here Tyler?" I ask him. His family could have had Thanksgiving with any of the other families from our circle back in New York.

"I haven't seen you since that night and I..." Tyler tries to explain to me. I shake my head at him.

"And you what? I might've been high, but I remember what you did," I say to him.

"Yes, and I remember---,"

"How about you don't f*****g say what you remember," I half-whisper and yell at him. "I am supposed to be here restarting my life on my terms and I don't need skeletons walking out of my closet to present to the world." He reaches out to touch my arm. I shrug him off and get in his face. "Don't f*****g touch me!"

My heart begins to ache more, the peace I got from singing disappearing by the sight of his face. I feel like I am about to suffocate from the overwhelming guilt I feel. I push past him, but he grabs my arm to make me stop walking. I try and tug myself free, but he has a firm grip on my arm. I c**k my arm back to punch him in the face.

"Let her go!" I hear Xavier yell, from behind me. Tyler drops my arm and we both turn to see Xavier standing there furious.

"How about you mind your damn business," Tyler responds to him. Xavier steps out further, showing that he is a lot taller and broader than Tyler.

"She obviously doesn't want you f*****g touching her, so let her go, before I make you," Xavier responds to him. I run up to Xavier to stop him from doing, what I want to do. I shake my head at him while he tries to put his arm around me to get me to leave the balcony. "Come with me."

"I want to be alone," I say as I brush him away. I run down our stairs and go towards the kitchen that is on the Westside of the house. My mind feels so heavy and the need to be numb just overwhelms me. I find the wine cellar door and enter the massive room that is filled with wine and spirits.

I stare at the wines and liquors touching the bottles. The craving within me getting stronger. One of these is about to drown my sorrows. I find my favorite bottle of whiskey and stare down at the bottle. I cradle it like it's a baby and take a seat on the floor. I stare at the opening. I have been sober for more than a year, but right now I don't care that I am about to destroy my progress. I tried to stay calm, but I have been bombarded for the last two days.

"I doubt you want to do that," I hear Xavier say. I ignore him and slowly begin to turn the cap to open the bottle.

"What would you know?" I ask him, now holding the top in my hand.

"I know your so-called distaste for liquor is complete bullshit. Remember, my mother is an alcoholic. I saw the hunger in your eyes when I offered you the beer at the party," Xavier reveals to me. He knew this whole time.

"If you knew, why didn't you say anything?" I ask him. I sniff at the bottle. Xavier sits down in front of me. He reaches out to grab the bottle and takes the top to place it back on the bottle. He puts the bottle down next to him and he takes my hands. He gently caresses them, and his touch begins to soothe me as the wave of emotions begins to rise within. His touch feels like security and I begin to sob right there in front of him.

He grabs me and holds me while I continue to sob. His warmth overwhelms my senses. His smell is intoxicating. I have never been held like this before. It's comforting, but it makes me want more. "It wasn't my business to say," he whispers in my ear.

He runs his fingers through my fiery red hair, and I melt even further in his arms. I could stay here like this in his arms. Forever.

"I know I have been mean to you, but that stops here," Xavier promises me.

"Why?"

"I... uh... haven't been honest with myself. You have made me uncomfortable since we met, and I did not know how to react. Besides, I watched the last couple of days, you need more friends in your court," Xavier explains to me. I lift my head up to look into his eyes. "Everyone is oblivious to your pain."

All I can do is give an angry chuckle. "I don't deserve for anyone to care for my pain. Not when I am the cause of theirs," I tell him. He begins to wipe the tears off my face. He presses his soft lips on my forehead to soothe me.

"That can't possibly be true...," he responds. The kiss snaps me back into reality. I pull myself away from him. As much as I want his comfort. As much as my body is screaming for more than that. I don't care how right it all felt, this cannot be more than friendship and his actions scream something else.

I stand to my feet and begin to pace. "It is very true. If you knew what all I have done. The guilt... I've been trying to make up for the damage that I've caused my family. I was screwed up before everything and I am even more screwed up now," I begin to explain to him. He stands up to face me. "You can't have feelings for me!"

"I have been denying how I feel, and I haven't been able to stop," Xavier says.

"You need to because I will live up to my name. Sirens are monsters and I will destroy you, like everything else in my life," I continue to explain to him why this is a bad idea. Besides the fact that I haven't had a boyfriend ever. Xavier stops my pacing. He holds me again and lifts my face up to his. There is an intensity in his eyes that I've never seen before and it makes my heart race.

"What if I think you're worth the destruction?