30 Days of May

Sixth Day

Past 12midnight na ako umalis sa bar ni Andrew. Hinintay ko munang umalis ang mga kasama ni Cloud. Yes, hindi siya nag iisa. Nung lumingon ako pagkarinig ko ng sinabi niya, nakalakad na siya kasama ng iba niyang kasama. Kung hindi ba naman bastos di ba? 

Anyway, mga halos isang oras na sila nakaalis. Hindi ako agad lumabas kasi kilala ko naman si Cloud. Being the stalker that he is baka naghihintay pa siya sa labas kaya nagpalipas muna ako ng isang oras. Hindi naman siya siguro maghihintay ng isang oras sa labas ng bar di ba? Unless kung ganun siya ka pathetic at pinangangatawanan talaga niya ang pagiging stalker niya. 

Naghihintay na ako sa may labas ng bar para makahanp ng taxi pero punuan lahat kasi nga naman, Friday night ngayon. Gimikan dito sa Makati.  Tapos unti unting umambon. Patay ako nito mas mahihirapan akong sumakay. Tumingin tingin ako sa paligid para tingnan kung may masisilungan ako pero ilang meters pa ang layo ng waiting shed. Wala pa naman akong payong. 

“Get in!” Halos mapatalon ako nung lumingon ako. YOU.MUST.BE.KIDDING.ME! What the f**k is he still doing here?  Ilang seconds ko muna siyang tinitigan to make sure na hindia ko pinaglalaruan ng paningin ko. 

“No thanks. I’ll be hailing a taxi.” Tapos pinara ang padaan na taxi pero sa kamalasan may sakay na ito. Unti unti na ding lumalakas ang kanina ambon lang. Magkakasakit ako nito eh. Bakit kasi di nagdadala ng payong May? 

“I said get in Ayr!” Medyo tumaas na din ang boses niya. Galit na siya niyan? I pretended not hear him. Hah! Kung dati you can order me around, hindi na ngayon Cloud. 

“Do I have to carry you para lang sumakay ka sa kotse? Nababasa ka na kaya wag mo ng pairalin ang tigas ng ulo mo!” Tumaas na talaga ang boses niya at alam kong galit na siya. Nung hindi ko padin siya pinansin, lumabas na siya ng kotse siya at nagmamadaling pumunta sa akin. Pero bago siya makalapit, nagmamadali akong binuksan ang passenger seat ng kotse niya at agad na sumakay. 

Potek! I know that he is serious. Talagang bubuhatin niya ako para lang mangyari ang kagustuhan niya at ayaw kong mangyari yun. Ayaw kong gumawa ng eksena sa gitna ng daan. Tapos na ako sa stage na yun. No more hysterics in public place. At isa pa, kung maaari lang ayaw kong madikit sa kanya. 

Sumakay na din siya sa kotse nung nakasakay na ako. 

“Tigas ng ulo mo! Seatbelt.” Sabi ulit niya na sinunod ko naman. Baka pag nagmatigas pa ako, siya pa ang magsusuot ng seatbelt sa akin. No way!

 “Saan ka?” he asked nung nagbabyahe na kami. 

“Sa Cubao lang po Kuya.” I said ng hindi tumitingin sa kanya. Sa harap lang ako nakatingin. Halos hindi na nga ako humihinga. The atmosphere inside the car is so charged na nahihirapan akong huminga. 

“Are you insulting me?” Tiningnan niya ako saglit tapos bumalik ulit ang tingin sa kalsada. 

“I’m not. I’m just answering your question.” Walang kaamor amor na sabi ko. Nakatingin pa in ako sa kalsada. 

“I’m not a damn taxi driver Ayr!” Ohhhh please stop calling me by that name. Don’t remind me of the times when you used to call me that. 

“Talaga? You’re not? Eh ano ka lang? Stalker?” Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko. Iwas ako ng iwas sa kanya siya naman sunod ng sunod sa akin. Aba wala kaming patutunguhan kung ganun. Hindi niya sinagot ang tanong ko. Nakaconcentrate lang siya sa pagdadrive.

“Pinatawag kita sa opisina di ba? Bakit hindi ka pumunta.” Ayan na May. He is going to fire you. Right here. Right now.

“You called me after office hours. And the labor code says…” Nakita kong naningkit ang singkit niyang mga mata. 

“I know  what is written in the labor code! Aren’t you, even just a little bit afraid of me? I could fire you anytime, you know.” Sinasabi ko na nga ba. Wala naa akong trabaho bukas. Bakit ba kasi May hindi mo mapigilan yang bibig mo? At bakit ka ba iwas ng iwas sa kanya? Napaghahalatang bitter ka eh. Pero kung tatahimik lang ako at hindi ko sasabihin ang mga gusto kong sabihin, hindi na ako si May.

“No I am not a bit scared  of you. Yes, you are my boss but you cannot do anything to me. You can fire me yes, but you know the consequence of firing me. Wala ka ng pwedeng gawin na makasakit sa akin.”  Tapos tumingin na  ako sa labas ng bintana. Napapikit ako. Wala na nga ba May? 

Hindi na siya nagsalita pagkasabi ko nun.  Ang tahimik ng byahe namin pero habang tumatagal mas bumibigat ang atmosphere na gusto ko na lang tumalon sa kotse para hidni ako masuffocate.

Maya maya pa, papasok na kami sa kanto kung saan ako nakatira. Hindi na ako nagtaka kung bakit alam niya. Stalker nga di ba? Kaya hidni na nakakapagtaka. Tumigil din siya sa harap ng apartment ko. 

“You’re living in that place?” parang hindi makapaniwala na sabi niya. 

“Hindi!”Tiningnan niy ulit ako ng masama. “Kung hindi ako dito nakatira, bakit dito mo ako hinatid? Bakit ka nagtatanong kung alam mo naman ang sagot?” Nakakainis ang ganun.  Lalabas na sana ako ng kotse when he suddenly grabbed my wrist at hinila ako palapit sa kanya. And before I knew it, his lips is already crushing mine. And my body, my traitorous body immediately responded. As if he owns it, as if he has authority over it. 

“ Your lips is still as soft and as sweet as it was before.” He said when he stopped kissing me to catch his breath and after he said it he resumed kissing me. Para akong natauhan sa sinabi niya. 

Naitulak ko siya ng malakas and I immediately went out of his car. Nagmamadali akong binuksan ang unit ko. My hand is trembling. Gusto kong iuntog ang sarili ko. 

Why did I allow him to kiss me? Bakit ko din siya hinalikan?

Nababaliw na ba ako? Hindi na ako natuto. I know how lethal are his kisses and kanina muntik na naman akong madala. Wala ka talagng kadala dala May. 

Pagkapasok ko sa apartment agad akong naupo sa sofa na parang nanghihina. Isinandal ko ang ulo ko sa sandalan ng sofa and covered my ears with my hands. I wanted to shout! I wanted to stop the memories from flooding back in my mind. The memory of that night. That night that sealed my fate, my life. That night that started with a kiss… when everything seems like a fairytale. 

Flashback

4 years ago…

Excited na ako. Susunduin ako ngayon ni Cloud. Eversince kasi na lumipat siya ng work dumadalang na ang pagsundo niya sa akin. Pagkatapos na pagkatapos ng klase, agad akong pumuntang entrance ng school at doon ko siya hinintay. Mga naghintay pa ako ng mga 5 minutes before I saw his car. As usual, andito na naman ang unfamiliar feeling sa stomach ko na parang kinakabahan ako na ewan. Matagal na kaming mag on pero hindi pa din naaalis ang excitement ko tuwing magkasama kami. 

Bumaba siya ng kotse and smiled at me. I smiled at him in return tapos naglakad na siya para pagbuksan ako ng kotse. Feeling ko ang ganda ganda ko at ang haba haba ng hair ko. Todo ngiti pa ako at hindi pinansin ang mga tingin ng ibang estudyante. Of course, kilala nila si Cloud. Yung iba nga hindi pa talaga napigilan ang sarili na magcomment.

“Sila pa din hanggang sa ngayon?” Hindi ko na lang pinansin kasi hanggang sa comment lang naman sila. Inggit lang sila.Hehehe. At para lalo silang inggitin, nung magkagharap na kami, hinalikan ko nga si Cloud sa lips. Mamatay sila sa inggit. Hahaha.

“Hi!” I said smiling broadly at him. 

“May kaaway ka na naman?” He said na parang naaamuse.

“Wala ah!” Tapos sumakay na ako sa kotse niya habang siya ngumingiti at naiiling na lang habang sinasara niya ang pinto ng passenger door. Na aamaze pa din ako pag nalalaman niya ang dahilan ng kahit kunting actions ko. 

Umalis na kami ng school at pumunta sa isang resto. Ito na yung pinakabonding namin kapag sinusundo niya ako sa school. Kakain lang kami tapos mamamasyal kunti tapos ihahatid na niya ako. I know ang babaw but for me it’s enough para maging masaya ako sa araw na yun. His mere presence completes my day.  

Pagkadating namin sa resto, the waiter or shall we say the maitre’d ushered us to a table sa pinakasulok ng restaurant. The table was elegantly set for two people and a bouquet of flowers on top. Namamangha ako at halos hindi makapaniwala sa nakikita ko.

“What is this?” I asked Cloud wide eyed. He is just smiling tapos inalalayan na akong maupo at ibinigay sa akin ang bulaklak.

“Peace offering?” Sabi pa niya na parang hiyang hiya. 

“For?” Wala kasi akong matandaan na kasalanan niya. Unless nambabae na pala siya tapos sobrang nakunsensiya kaya ito ngayon nagsosorry siya.

“For the times na wala na akong oras para sa’yo.Alam kong masama ang loob mo and I’m sorry.” He said sincerely. Shucks! Hindi ko alam kung maiiyak ba ako o maiiyak ako. But my feelings during that time is so overwhelming. Ang alam ko lang nag iiyak ang mata ko. I never expected him to be like this. 

“Hindi mo naman kailangan mag apologize. I admit nagtatampo ako, but kahit papaano naiintindihan ko naman na may trabaho ka na. But still thank you for this.I don’t know what to sy, naiiyak tuloy ako.” I tried to dab yung luha ko na hindi pa pumapatak and I went up to him para I hug siya. Parang lahat ng tampo ko nawala. Sino ba naman kasing girlfriend ang hindi matutuwa sa ginawa niya?  I felt like the most lucky girl in the whole wide world and nothing could wipe away the smile on my face during that night even if it is raining buckets outside. 

The whole night was magical. 

“Baha na.I don’t know if we could pass through.” Sabi ni Cloud. Ihahatid na niya ako sa condo kung saan ako nakatira with my cousins.  Napatingin ako sa kalsada. Past 12midnight na yet, hindi pa rin tumitigil ang malakas na ulan. Nakita ko na din na hindi na makatawid ang ibang sasakyan. May na stranded na din na sasakyan sa gitna ng baha. 

“Bumalik na lang tayo. Baka mastranded pa tayo dito.” Nakita din na nagsibalikan na ang ibang sasakyan kasi not passable na talaga ang daan. Umikot ikot pa kami kung saan saan pero mukhang bumabaha na ang buong España kung saan ang condot na tinitirhan ko.

“Dito na lang kaya ako tapos lalakarin ko na lang papunta sa amin. Malapit na lang naman eh.” Kahit na alam naming dalawa na mga limang kanto pa bago ang building ng condo. Tiningnan niya ako ng masama na para bang nasisiraan na ako ng ulo. 

“No. I wouldn’t let you walk in that flood kahit pa sabihing hanggang ankle lang yan.Doon ka na alng muna sa condo ko. Ipagpapaalam kita sa mga pinsan mo I hahatid kita bukas when the flood subsides.” He said with finality. May magagawa pa ba ako. At isa pa hindi ko din kayang sumuong sa baha noh! Baka mahulog pa ako sa manhole. At yun nga bumalik na lang kami at dumiretso sa condo niya. Hindi naman ito ang first time kong makapasok sa condo niya pero naaamaze pa din ako sa pagiging organize at ang pagiging malinis nito. Parang hindi lalaki ang tumitira. Pero kunsabagay, may katulong na araw araw pumupunta dito para linisan ang unit. 

He let me borrow his shirt and his boxers. Ilang na ilang ako at kahit siya, hidni halos makatingin sa akin. Pero alangan naman na magpants ako habang natutulog. 

“You sleep here, doon ako sa sala.” Sabi niya sabay bitbit ng isang unan at ng kumot. Tumingin ako sa kama. It’s a king size bed at kasya kahit 4 na tao and still they would sleep comfortably. 

“Why? Malaki naman ang bed. Don’t worry, I won’t r**e you.” Sabi ko pa sabay tawa ng mahina. Pero ang totoo, hindi ko alam kung nenerbiyosin ako o maeexcite. First time namin na matulog na magkasama. 

“But I might.” Tapos namula siya. Awwww! Ang cute. 

“I know you wouldn’t do something that I don’t like. At isa pa, ayaw kong nagtitiis ka doon sa sofa gayung ang laki naman ng kama.” He didn’t argue more. And since siguro pagod na kaming dalawa sabay na kaming nahiga and we said our goodnight.  

Nakahiga ako sa braso niya while he’s caressing my hair. Alam niyang ultimate pampatulog ko yun kasi yun ang ginagawa niya pag nasa library kami.  I feel so comfortable habang nakahiga akos abraso niya. Feeling ko ang secure secure ko and I felt so protected. Not to mention na naaamoy ko ang nakakaadik niyang  pabango. Pero hindi ko alam kung bakit kahit ganun ako ka comfortable, hindi pa din ako makatulog. I tried closing my eyes for 10 minutes pero nakasara nga ang mata ko pero dilat na dilat ang pag-iisip ko. Syet naman! Si Cloud tulog na ata kasi even na ang paghinga niya. Hindi kaya mangalay siya dahil nakahiga ako sa braso niya. 

I slowly looked up para tingnan siya at sa gulat ko, I saw him smiling down at me. Para bang binibilang niya ang hininga ko. Bakit hindi pa din siya tulog? 

Tatanungin ko sana siya bakit hindi pa din siya tulog pero parang nalunok ko na ang boses ko at napapikit na lang ako when he kissed my forehea, the tip of my nose and when he lifted my chin gently so he could reach my lips. 

“I love you.” He said gently before his lips touched mine.My heart swelled with joy that I wasn’t able to stop a tear from falling from my eyes. He said it with so much intensity  na parang buong pagkatao niya kasama sa salitang yun. I wasn’t able to say it back because he didn’t let me but I accepted his kiss with all my heart. 

He pulled me close and I embraced him back. We kissed each other for I don’t know how long. All I know is we’re kissing with all our heart. Savoring each other and sharing each other’s feelings. And when his tongue seeks entrance I accepted him with all my heart. Out tongue’s met but we didn’t battle for domination. Instead,  we share, we give and we express our deepest emotions with that kiss. We have never kissed like this before, this is the kind of kiss that could make you shed a tear. And I did shed a tear because I have never felt like this before. Ang feeling na sobrang iniingatan ka niya na takot na takot siyang masaktan ka. 

“May…” He said through labored breaths. I opened my eyes to met his. I saw different kinds of emotions. Passion, desire, love, and respect. At kahit hindi niya sabihin alam kong he’s asking for my permission. That if I ask him to stop he would gladly do so even if it kills him. 

“Cloud..” I caressed his face and gently smiled at him. We don’t have to say it. We just understood each other. We don’t need words to say what we really want because our hearts have a language of their own. And when he claimed my lips again I know there is no turning back. As if I want to turn back. 

He kissed my neck and I raised my head to give him more access.  A moan escaped my lips when his hand cupped one of my breast still covered by his shirt and my bra. Tapos naramdaman ko na lang ang pagsnap ng bra ko and now he’s pulling up my shirt ahmmm his shirt with my bra. 

Napasinghap ako when both of his hands captured each and his thumbs played with each n****e. Bumababa na din ang lips niya from my neck to my cleavage and then he captures on of my peaks.

“s**t!” Napamura ako because I didn’t anticipate the rush of emotions that was brought by his lips. I felt liquid heat travelled from my chest to my very core. And goodness gracious but I can almost feel my self getting wet. 

“Love,  you are so beautiful.” He said before he captured another one. I can’t do anything but whimper and arched towards him as if I can’t get enough. I can’t even stopped myself from moaning. Nasasabunutan ko na din siya. Then he left my breast. Magpoprotesta sana ako but then he trailed kisses in my stomach downwards. Napapasinghap ako. Ang lakas ng kiliti ko sa tiyan pero hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi ako nakikiliti instead, ibang klaseng kiliti ang nararamdaman ko. 

Then he kissed me again and I kissed him back with the same intensity. I tugged on his shirt and he helped me get rid of it. Dinadaganan  niya ako but I can’t felt his weight. What I feel is the hotness of his body that compliments mine. And also his erection poking at my stomach na lalong nagpasidhi sa nararamdaman ko. 

He lowered his head again to capture one of my n*****s and his other finger is playing the other one. Hinahabol ko na ngayon ang hininga ko. I never thought that it would feel like this. 

“Oohhh!” Napasinghap na lang ako when I felt his hands touched me down there with his boxer and my panties on. Can he feel that I’m already soaking wet down there?  Then his hand pass through his boxer and my panties and he touched me there. I feel like bursting the moment his hand touched me. 

“My God May…” Then his lips trailed down from my breast to my stomach tasting every inch of me. His hand is pulling the garter of his boxer kasama na ang panty ko. He kissed every skin that is exposed except my core. Hindi ko na alam kung humihinga pa ako. He get rid of my last garment and now I am lying naked in front of him. He get rid of his boxers too at literal na napasinghap ako. Nahihiya ako at the same time, hindi ko maalis ang paningin ko sa katawan niya. So perfect, and so desirable.

Then he kissed my toes, the sole of my feet and my legs going up. It’s as if he’s worshipping my whole being. I have never felt so desirable like this before. Then he rubbed his 2 fingers on my folds that me me arched my back and a moan escaped from my lips. He then parted my legs and kissed me there. Nagulat ako sa ginawa at the same time nahiya. That was so intimate and feeling ko hindi tama. I was also shy. 

Pipigilin ko sana siya but I wasn’t able to do so because he started licking me. “Ohhh God Cloud!!!” Napasigaw na lang ako. Hindi ko na alam kung saan ibabaling ang ulo ko dahil sa sensasyon na dulot ng ginagawa niya. And when he started sucking I know that whatever  inhibitions that I have has flown our of the window because I don’t want him to stop whatever it is that he is doing. 

“Cloud!!” I felt the unfamiliar build up in my gut. I was arching as if I wanted to  reach for something. Mamamatay na ata ako dahil sa ginagawa niya and mamamatay din ako pag tinigil niya ang ginagawa niya. 

I was calling his name and everytime I do so he suck. And when he gently bite my c**t and suck on it hard I shouted his name and convulsed beneath him. Parang naubos ang lakas ko and I was shaking from the intensity of my release. Hinahabol ko na din ang hininga ko.

Then I felt him go on top of me and kissed me. I can taste myself from his mouth. “You are so sweet, that I can’t get enough love.But I can’t bear it anymore.” That’s when I felt him poking on my opening.

” I will be gentle I promise.” I can feel him gently edging. And when his head push gently, napangiwi ako. The pain was tolerable and somehow I expect it.  Beads of sweat are running down his forehead kahit na nakafullblast ang aircon at umuulan sa labas.

I can almost feel the tearing of my hymen when his head full entered me. Hindi ko mapigilang mapa-ouch causing him to stop.  Nararamdaman ko ang klase ng pagpipigil niya just for me not to feel the pain.

“Cloud please… just go on.” 

“Masasaktan ka.” He is clenching his jaw.

“Masasaktan din naman ako in the end. Just go on..please.” And with that he crushed my lips with his and fully entered me. Hindi ko napigilang tumulo ang luha ko. Paksyet pero ang sakit pala talaga.  Akala ko heresay lang yung sakit pero s**t lang!

He didn’t move for quite a while and he gave me time to adjust to his body. He just keeps on kissing me until the pain slowly subsides and the pleasure inside me started tobuild up. And then he started moving again. The pain is still there but it is now manageable and the pleasure is starting to build up higher and higher.  

At first it was a slow and calculated thrust that eventually  started to become faster as I am meeting his thrust. He crushed my lips while I clung tightly to him because I feel like falling. 

“Cloud!” I shouted at him when I can no longer control it and I burst into a thousand pieces. He gave a few more thrust before he called my name, grunted and collapsed on top of me. 

Ilang seconds ata kaming nasa ganung posisyon. He’s still inside me and he’s not moving na akala ko tulog na siya. Nalaman ko na lang na gising pa siya dahil niyakap niya ako ng sobrang higpit. Na parang ayaw na niya akong pakawalan. As if his life depended on me. Ang klase ng yakap na halos hindi na ako makahinga.

“Cloud…” He just keeps on hugging me and kissing my neck. And when I looked at him, I saw him in tears. Hindi ko alam kung matatawa o maiiyak din ako. Wala pa akong naririnig o nababalitaan na may umiyak na lalaki after a lovemaking. 

“Hey..” Itatanong ko na sana kung bakit siya umiiyak but then he kissed my lips.

“I will love you forever May Ayr Dominguez.” This time ako naman ang naluha. 

“Me too Cloud. Me too.”  

That was the time when I thought that fairytales do come true.  The times when I thought that I am in a fairytale and that my life would end in a happily ever after. 

But as I said before…. Happily ever after…do not exist.