Scarred

seven-2

“People know about us now, Squirm. Why do you think they come to Sizzle?”

“They come to Sizzle because you come to Sizzle,” she said. “They know that’s where you are, it’s become your haunt… I like having you there.” With her admission came a shrug. “I’ve never really been the type to rely on a guy or need him around all the time. I liked being independent and being able to pick up and make my own decisions.”

“But you don’t anymore?”

“I do,” she said when he loosened his grip enough to give her back her hand. Bending it back as far as it would go, she rubbed the inside of her wrist, her brand, up and down on his chest. “There’s something about you, Archer that makes it okay for me to not be in control all the time and it’s seductive… It turns me on when you make decisions for me, when you take control of my body.”

“Okay,” he said, slapping a hand onto hers to stop her rubbing. “Wriggling that hot body all over me and talking about seduction, are we done with conversation?”

The rod of his erection had been consistently jabbing at her since she’d sat like this, now he drew up his knees and took a breast in each hand. She took advantage of his support and leaned back on his thighs. “Will Hexam be pissed at us?” she asked.

His hands dropped away from her chest. “I guess we’re not done talking,” he grumbled. “Will Hexam be pissed that we’re going after his guys? Yes. Do I think I would be able to talk him around and help him see things from our point of view? Sure. He’s a reasonable guy and we have history.”

Sarcastic pessimism made her ask, “So much history that you sold the location of his drop to Tag?”

“That was business; he knows that we have our own interests. And we’re not best buddies. Besides, it’s never been confirmed that I was the one who did that,” Archer said, wearing a smirk. “No one really knows how Tag found out.”

She knew. Tag knew. Archer knew. Hexam obviously hadn’t paid to find out. “Better hope he never asks.”

But her man wasn’t worried. “He could never afford that piece of information,” Archer said, one side of his mouth curled as his head rolled to the side. “It’s late, Squirm. If we’re not gonna screw, let’s go to sleep.”

“We have to figure this out,” she said, digging her knees in deeper, she bent over to prop her elbows on his shoulders.

“I like this,” he said, craning to see her breasts that were pressed into his chest. But her head was too close for him to get a good view.

Their foreheads touched, so she put pressure on his to force his head down, because she wasn’t finished talking. “So you can convince Hexam that what we’re doing is okay?”

Inhaling, it was becoming obvious that he was getting fed up. “Providing we’re not hitting anyone in his inner circle, I could. I have to do more digging to be sure. Although,” he said and she didn’t like his tone.

“Although, what?”

“Now that Tag’s screwing with his sister and we kind of hooked them up… it’s not gonna look good. I don’t know how far his goodwill will stretch. We might have to make a decision.”

This was exactly what she’d feared hearing. “What kind of a decision?” she asked, clueless as to his implication.

Capturing her hair between his first two fingers on each side where it draped down around their faces, he gathered it into his fists. “You might have to distance yourself is all I’m saying.”

“Distance myself from what?”

“Well, you have two options if you’re backed into a corner. Either you tell Hexam you’re against Tag’s relationship, that you told him so, and that he deserves everything Hexam throws at him.”

That seemed unlikely. Nya wasn’t going to turn her back on her oldest friend and tell Hexam to rip him to shreds. That was so unfathomable that she almost laughed. “And option two?” she asked thinking it was the most likely avenue to take.

“Everybody knows about us, won’t take Hex long to confirm it,” Archer said, tucking her hair back over her shoulders and stroking his fingers through it on either side of her spine.

But she didn’t get why their relationship was important. “Us?” she asked and screwed up her face. “Who cares about us?”

“Option two is you tell Hexam it was me who went after his guys, me who hurt them off my own back.”

Throw him to the lions? That was option two. “Because? Why would you do that?”

“I was pissed they’d upset you, attacked you, touched you, and I wanted payback.”

Slowly lifting her torso, Nya’s hands slid down his body as shock infused her. “A decision,” she said. “You meant between you and Tag.”

Archer explained, calm and casual while she was beginning to worry. “If Hexam gets ahold of us and pins us into corners, and he ain’t feeling reasonable, you’ll have to go with whichever option you think will piss him off less. He’ll be pissed about Tag and Farrah; I can’t see him accepting that. But if it turns out one of the guys from Sizzle that night is close to Hexam and still on the payroll, maybe been with him for a long time… If we hurt that guy, Hexam won’t be happy with that either.”

“Do you like bumming me out?”

How he could be unfazed by the idea she’d betray him was puzzling. “You can’t support both of us because you’ll never walk out of there alive if you try. You could be seen as the instigator since you’re bang in the middle of this. So you can either support their love or stand up for what we’re doing.”

“My choice is support their love or support my vengeance?” she asked, but that wasn’t the most confusing part of what he’d presented to her. “This isn’t you; none of this is you, why would I sell you out?”

“Because the alternative is turning your back on Tag,” Archer said and sealed his lips for a minute. “And I just don’t see that happening, Squirm, do you?”

Sinking back onto her own side of the bed, she retreated from his body to reflect. She’d never betrayed Tag in the past, but he was making an insane decision that she didn’t want to be punished for. She didn’t want Archer punished for it either.

They could let Tulio go, forget this had ever happened and move on with their lives, but what did it say about her if she was willing to give up her own objectives to support Tag in something she didn’t agree with?

He must have sensed her internal conflict. “I can try a preemptive strike,” Archer said.

Hope made her shift onto her side. “Okay, I’m open to that,” she said, squeezing her hands beneath her hips. She knew what a preemptive strike was but didn’t know how it would apply in this situation.

“I’ll talk to him,” Archer said, raising his arms to link his hands behind his head. “I’ll get hold of Hexam, tell him what we’re doing, tell him what we know about Tag—”

“No,” she exclaimed. “We can’t drop Tag in the s**t like that.”

“See,” he said, shaking his head. “You had no problem when I started the sentence with, ‘I’ll tell Hexam what we’re doing,’ but the minute I mention your boy—”

“He’s not my…” She didn’t even finish the sentence, she sat up, crossed her legs, and let her face sink into her palms. This was exhausting, frustrating, and so disheartening.

After a few seconds of nothing, he began to stroke her lower back. “It’s okay,” he said. “I don’t like it. I don’t like that you care about another guy this much. But it’s not like I didn’t know it walking into this. You chose to be chained to my wall rather than give me his address. I mean that’s loyalty on a whole new level. Part of the thing I love about you is that you’re that f*****g stubborn.”

“I’m pissed off,” she mumbled into her own hands. “At myself. He’s a grown man. He makes his own decisions. I shouldn’t… I shouldn’t feel like this.”

“He’s been conditioning you for fifteen years to feel like this,” Archer said. “Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

“He hasn’t conditioned me.”

Archer almost scoffed. “Have you ever heard anything close to negative about that man without jumping on it as if your mother was just insulted?”

“I never knew my mother,” she said.

He prodded her hip. “You have to break the cycle,” he said. “It might not be deliberate, but your gratitude for what he did never went away. You’re so grateful to him that you would feel guilty about not supporting him a thousand percent, like he did for you that night.”

He was probably right. She couldn’t picture not jumping to Tag’s defense because that’s what he’d done for her and she’d never been able to repay him—not to the same degree.

“He takes you for granted, but you have to make it clear to him that you can’t pick up after him, not when it’s gonna cause you physical harm. If losing Jamie, staying here, taught you anything, it’s that as he’s moving into the bigger leagues, his life is becoming more dangerous. You can’t let him take you along for the ride, because you’re not equipped to handle it.”

Not physically. Her body was weak in comparison to those who were likely to threaten her. “I used to have nightmares,” she said, finding it easier to look at the closet opposite the end of the bed than to look at him. “I used to have nightmares about what would’ve happened if Tag hadn’t come to me that night. I think a part of me has been afraid that the nightmare would come true if I didn’t have him. You think I’m insane because I run around after him, look out for him and protect him with my life.” Twisting, she looked at him through the burgeoning morning light. “But I’ve always been so scared that I’d need someone to swoop in and save me… and he was all I had.”

“And if you pissed him off, he wouldn’t be here,” Archer said. “You would be on your own.”

She nodded and he sat up. “Pathetic, isn’t it?”

“It’s not pathetic,” he replied, driving a hand into her hair to gather a handful of it at the back of her head. “You needed someone and he’d proved himself. It’s natural that you’d rely on him when you don’t have family who would put themselves on the line for you.”

“I think we’ve taken each other for granted because he didn’t even try to apologize when he knew I wasn’t happy. Getting into the big leagues has changed him; he’s cocky now, more assured. He doesn’t need me. I think he likes it when I need him.”

“A lot of guys are like that,” Archer said.

“But now, after Sizzle, and Jamie losing her life… I think I’ve questioned how far I can go to protect him. I can’t fight, I don’t have the skills or the strength. But…”

Trying to avert her gaze compelled Archer to pull her closer and to catch her chin in his free hand. “But what?”

She knew her eyes would be wide and glazed, because admitting the truth broke her heart. “Sometimes I feel so guilty,” she whispered. “How can I question him? How can I think about disagreeing with him or betraying him, when he almost killed his own brother for me? He destroyed his fraternal relationship… for me.”

Nya knew how Archer felt about emotional women, about crying women, she kept her eyes wide, so as not to blink out any of the tears gathering on her lower lids. “You have got to let go,” he said, tightening his grip to shake her head an inch. “His brother would never have been there, in that state, if it wasn’t for what went on in the garage. Tag could’ve kept the guy on a shorter leash. He should never have been allowed anywhere near you. What happened that night wasn’t your fault.”

“But I—”

“No,” he said, angry in his delivery. “It wasn’t your f*****g fault, Ny, and I won’t hear it. You don’t owe the guy anything. You have to live your life.”

But there was another consideration, one that could cause problems not Hexam related, but related to their relationship. “He’s going to think it’s because of you. He’ll blame you.”

“Let him,” Archer said. “Let him come at me, Squirm, please, I can handle it.”

“But could I?” she asked. “If you two hurt each other because of me…”

“You don’t think we’ve been close to it? We’ve been a hair away from taking each other apart, and how we feel about you is the only thing that’s stopped us from doing it. I don’t care. I’m not asking you to shut him out. I’m not telling you that we have a problem. All I want for you to do is to look out for you. Follow your own gut; promise me you’ll do that? Instead of sacrificing yourself to protect his ass.”

As sure as he was, her fear still existed. “And one day,” she said. “What if the nightmare comes true?”

Releasing her, he opened both hands and shoved her hair away from her face to take it in his firm grip. “That nightmare will never come true,” he said. “I never take my eyes off your a*s for long enough for anyone to have the chance to threaten it. You’ve got to trust me, Ny. You have to trust me.”

And she did. Even though she did trust Archer with her life, she didn’t want it to be like she hung onto Tag until a better bet came along. Her fella had protected her before, at risk to himself, and he would do it again.

It was odd how talking to him, being honest with him, confessing to him, a man who was a vault of secrets, made her feel better, despite the fact that nothing had been resolved. Tag was still in a relationship that could cause him physical harm. They still had Tulio tied up in a basement and Hexam was the man holding the proverbial g*n.

For now he didn’t know who to aim it at because all of this was going on behind his back, but Archer had once told her that the truth always came out, so by his reckoning, his rules, it was only a matter of time before the current truths were exposed in the light of a public arena.