See me when you look at me

Chapter 9

-Samantha’s POV

Two years ago

″Let’s go, Red! It is time to party!″ Aiden yells.

″You go, I still feel hangover from last night.″

″Don’t play hard to get with me, Red. Nobody likes a tease, especially me! We have been going out for ages and you still won’t put out.″

″Yes, those six weeks really feel like ages.″ I respond sarcastically.

″You know what I mean. I just want to be with you completely, but you keep pushing me away. I like a chase, but I will not wait patiently forever. Not when there are plenty of other girls who want to be with me.''

He has a point, Samantha. He is the hottest guy at the institute and girls throw themselves at him. You will lose him if you don't give him anything and then you will be alone, again.

″Fine, I will go to the party.'' I mutter and I put my book away.

″Good, wear that little black dress. It always drives me crazy when I see you dance in it.″

Thinking about his previous comment, I start to unbutton my shirt and I keep my eyes focused on Aiden’s gaze. He groans when the shirt comes off followed by the skirt. I walk in my underwear to my dresser and I can feel Aiden’s gaze on me.

″Do we still have some time?″ I ask as I turn around to face Aiden.

″Time for what?″

I smile when I see that Aiden has a hard time keeping his breath under control and then I pull my panties to aside. Without any hesitation Aiden lifts me up the dresser and he buries his face between my legs.

I start making sounds and moving my hips. My gaze falls on the book on my bed. I really enjoyed the story and I looked forward to finishing it. Speaking about finishing, could I already fake my o****m? No, Aiden would want to go further then.

''Yes, let me hear you moan! That is so hot!''

''Yes, f*****g moan for us, Red!''

I freeze. Josh and Nick are standing in the room. Clearly enjoying what they see.''

''Stop,'' I say and I try to push Aiden away.

''Just ignore them, babe! They are coming to the party with us and now they are waiting on us. The least we can do is let them watch.''

''Yes, take your time. We will be right here watching.'' Nick say's with a smirk on his face before he sits down on my bed.

Again Aiden buries his face between my legs and I can't push him away from me. My body is completely limp and I feel myself go numb. After a while Aiden gets up and he gives me a sloppy kiss.

''Now put that gorgeous body of yours into that dress, so we can go.''

I nod and I grab the dress before I go to the bathroom. I look at the girl in the mirror. The fiery red hair makes me stand out anywhere. Smokey eyes, fresh mascara and a bright red lipstick makes my mask complete. I slip into the black dress, put on my heels and I walk back into the bedroom.

''Damn, babe! Now I don't know if we should go to party or have one of our own.''

''I'm in the mood for dancing now and maybe after that I will be in the mood for other things.'' I say in a seductive tone.

I walk out of the door with confidence, knowing that the boys will follow. They never miss out on an opportunity to party. Neither did I, this was our normal. The institute let us do whatever we wanted, as long if we for filled our obligations.

''Besides school I ran competitively and I had my modelling work. I was making tons of money because of my sponsor deals and my agency make sure that I always had the best paying gigs as well. They knew that anything without four zero's didn't interested me. I could demand that while I was only fifteen years old. A fact that everyone else seems to forget, especially my mom.

She was the one who said to a scout that I was sixteen years old, when I just turned twelve. That scout got me my first big campaign and he gave me my first taste of alcohol. It was just for my nerves and mom said that it was fine. I should trust the scout and her, so I did.

When I was thirteen I had a shoot to promote lingerie. Before we started my mother said that I should really listen to the photographer and that I should do everything he told me to do. Because this man could brake or make my career.  I was nervous for this shoot, because I heard rumours that the photographer had a thing for young girls. So I asked my mother if she could stay. She just shook her head and she gave me a pill for the headache I had. It helped, because my headache was gone and I felt suddenly very relaxed.

So relaxed that I didn't notice my mom leaving during the shoot nor did I notice the other people leaving. Suddenly it was just me and the photographer. The first man who called me babe and went down on me.

I left that shoot confused, scared and numb. To my surprise the scout and my mom were waiting for me in the dressing room. My mom told me that she was so proud of me and that they had big news for me. I was accepted into the institute, what meant that I had to leave home.

The institute was a boarding school, although you could hardly call it a school. They focused on our talents, our appearances and helping us getting the best jobs. Because as long if we made money, the school did too. At the institute I was introduced to more alcohol and drugs by the other students. Everybody used some kind of aid to relax or to focus and so did I. I was finishing a bottle of whiskey after a hard day, when I met Aiden. The hottest guy at the institute and my first real crush. I loved the attention he was giving me, until I realise he just wanted one thing.

The one thing all men wanted, s*x. I finally learned to deal with those kind of men. I was good at flirting, teasing and making empty promises. That was what I did with Aiden. I always gave him hope and sometimes a little bit more. It was enough to keep him interested and to stay with me.

Because the one thing I hated most, was to be alone.

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-Samantha's POV

Two years agoI wake up to the sound of beeping noises and I try to open my eyes. I think I am in a hospital room, but I'm not sure. My memories are foggy and my head hurts.''Good, you are awake.''I turn to my right and a woman looks at me. She looks familiar, but I don't know why.''This is the third time in two months that we had to pump your stomach, Samantha.''That triggers a memory and finally I recognise the woman.''You were there the last time,'' I mumble.''Yes, I was and I have been worried about you ever since I found out, you go to that 'school'. So I took an interest in your work and I was shocked. Do you want to know why?''I shake my head and I look away from the woman.''I will still tell you. You just turned fifteen, but the pictures I saw were from two years ago. A child should not pose for an adult magazine in lingerie or swimwear. You are a child, Samantha. The make-up, the hair or your jobs don't change that.''''Why do you care so much?'' I snap at the woman. ''It is non of your business!''''It is my business, Samantha. I took an oath to help people and to take care of them. I spoke the truth when I said that I was worried about you. I want you to grow up healthy and happy, but that's up to you. The way you live your life now will only end in death. So what are we going to do?''''Nothing, because there is nothing anyone can do! I have contracts to uphold or I will lose everything and that's not an option. I need the money to take care of my family, my sister is diabetic and insulin is expensive.''''How will you take care of your sister if you are dead?'' the woman asks bluntly. ''What will happen to her without you? Will she step into your footsteps?''''NO!! I will never let her end up like me!''''But you won't be there to protect her, Samantha. Your lifestyle is killing you and then who will take care of your sister?''''My moth...'' I can't finish the sentence and I start crying. Thinking of Emma ending up like me breaks my hart. She deserved more, so much more. I didn't had anyone to look out for me, but she had me. After a while I look at the woman and I nod my head.''So you want to live?'' the woman asks.''Yes, but I don't how to change and not lose everything at the same time.''''We will find a way, dear. I will help you anyway I can, but I have to be honest with you. It is going to be very hard and you will want to give up.''The woman then pulls out her phone and she shows me a picture. I gasp when I see it is a picture of me. I look dead in the picture and horrified I look at the woman.''Remember this when things get to hard. Remember this when you want to give up. Remember this when you think about your sister, Samantha.''I just nod and tears start running down my cheeks. It's strange for me to hear my actual name. Everyone calls me Red or babe. But if I wanted to live, I had to say goodbye to Red and that scared me. Red was a part of my identity for so long, so who was I without her? The woman senses my fear and again she shows me the picture.''Remember this, Samantha. Remember everything you are feeling right now, because this is a new beginning for you!''How can I ever forget that picture and the way that I'm feeling right now? This will haunt me forever.