Hush Hush

chapter 8

Balls of guilt sat at my stomach as I wiped the last dishes. I decided to spring clean to keep my guilt at bay. It was eating away at my soul. The blanket around my waist went lose as I bent down to put the bowls lower section of the cupboard. I threw it on the table and faced the cold. I should ask Paul to get another heater, the last one just burnt after a few times of using it. I was like the house was an enemy of heat.

I shouldn’t’ have accused him of cheating on me. I was wrong and I couldn’t bring myself to apologize. But where did he get the marks from? I hoped he was not shagging someone at work behind my back, not that I would have allowed it had it been done in my presence.

Working at Lion’s match would have been a great way to keep busy. I still haven’t received a call from them. We were told that we might be starting on the 25th of this month but they said they’ll call and confirm with us.

I was finally done with the dishes, I had cleaned our bedroom and every other room except the sitting room. The curtains were very dirty, I had to make another day as I was feeling tired already but I was going to see the sitting room through. The couch left a screeching sound as I pushed it to one side. So much dust! I pushed the other couch to the same side.

Really Paul? Did he actually forget the where the dustbin was or was it just too far for him? I was also to blame, I last moved the couches the second week of our stay here, so the empty plastic sweets had been hiding for long. I took the broom and swept.

He was going to find a warm supper waiting and an exclusive strip session. I was going to wash the dust off the thong I wore at our wedding day. How I wished to relive that day. It was the most beautiful wedding day ever, the sun was shining just enough not to give us headaches or leave us sweaty. Our picture at the honeymoon was laid face down on the TV stand. I could still feel the vintageness of the frame my friend got me.

I looked very happy and so much in love. I wiped down the dust that was settled on Paul’s face, hiding his white teeth and sparkling eyes. We were so much in love. I slid down the wall and sobbed to myself. Something was missing in our lives. We used to spend so much time together, going on dates, searching for our next destination and living for the moment. We were just spontaneous. What happened to that couple? Yes, we were not at rock bottom but were together but apart.

Now it felt like we were like the rest of residents of Gretel Cottage. We needed a spark. Something to light our burning candle.

I returned the picture on the next to the flower pots. The dust that accumulated on the stand was enough to make one cough, but I was not one with a two cent lungs.

Do you know how you usually feel very hot when cleaning even on a cold day? I was feeling non of that, instead my limbs were felt heavy and temporary paralyzed with coldness. I saw the cold seeping in my bones and making itself comfortable. But there was really no time for nursing the coldness.

I used Paul’s old t-shirt to wipe the dust.

“Flippin’ hell,” I cursed under my breath as our wedding picture fell off and broke.

I needed to get done and rest or I was going to break more things. I couldn’t continue cleaning, I no longer had inspiration to go on, I crouched down and gathered the bits and pieces of the glass.

Blood. Thick blood spurted on the floor, making a little puddle. How could I be careless, I should have grabbed a dustpan and swept them in but the laziness wouldn’t allow me, now I had an open cut on my palm. The thickness of the blood put me off, not even the menstrual blood was like that.

I had folded my hand into a small fist, like I did with the mixed dough. My hand was slippery and covered in blood. It was a small cut, I didn’t understand the drama of my hand for spilling out so much blood. The water slid down my hand like a waterfall as bit the insides of my mouth to stop from screaming.

-

The days always seemed to drag, especially when your only job was to finish the grocery. You find yourself running after the proud sun from one side to the next. But I was not like, I had Ms.Miggins to visit. I needed her advice on marriage, she was old and wise. I also needed to empty my fears in a bucket. I was smelling fresh, like the old white woman who were waiting for death. I pressed the first floor with my bandaged hand and waited for it to take me down.

There was this heavy feeling clinging at my heart and mind as I neared her flat. I suddenly had hot flashes in that mortuary passage. Her paint deprived door stared right back at me as I knocked once and then twice but the silence laughed at my face. Could she have gone somewhere? But she wouldn’t have left the door gapping. She rarely slept during the day like a kid who had a chocolate.

“Ms.Miggins,” I called out to her as I stood in the door way, trying to fight back the fear of the unknown.

No answer.

I reached over cautiously, and ran my eyes around, studying the kitchen. No one was in sight but the messy arrangement of plants and herbs growing in teapots and broken mugs on the window ledge. The table clothe was on the floor, and her favourite gold saucers looked like they been stripped off its gold and left orange. It was like cyclone Sne had passed or was it Mbali?

“Ms.Miggins are you there?” Suddenly nervous, I worried whether she had a burglary or…

I laid my ears on the ground and tried to listen to any sound but quite was renting her house. I was worried for Ms.Miggins.

I jumped from one place to the next like a frog, trying to get to other rooms in search for her. The whole house was a mess, the curtains were down on some rooms, windows had peeping holes.

“Oh my word, Ms.Miggins,”

Her eyes had sunk inside, as her cheek bones protruded on her pale face.

“You need a medical attention, what happened,”

Skinless and veined hands pressed unsuccessfully so to the visible hole on her chest but it served no purpose as more blood dyed her blue shirt.

“Hold on for me, okay. I will get you help,” I put pressure on her chest with my scarf. My mind went haywire, I didn’t remember which way to take to the door.

“You’ll never survive in this house,” she stammered, taking breath breaks after every word.

“It would eat you up,” she added. There were so many questions I wanted to ask but saving her life was a priority. I ran out as her voices followed me and said, “He did this, Richard Graham,”

Richard Graham?

I ran to my room and hurriedly opened the door with my blood red hands, the bandage was dirty and bloodied. I didn’t know if it was from my cut or Ms.Miggin’s .It was vibrating from the table, it was a call from my mom. I had no time to play happy families, I hung up and dialled the ambulance number. It just beeped and hung up. I tried again and again but the same thing happened.

The call was not going through.

“Shucks,” my voice rose as my throat tightened and slammed the phone on the table. It was a network problem, there was not even one freakin’ bar. I threw my woollen Jersey somewhere around and paced up and down. How was I going to get hold of the ambulance?

I ran back down like Castor Semenya to the ground floor. By the time I got to the gate, I was panting like a dog on heat. The stupid gatekeeper was nowhere to be found, keys hung loosely on the gate, I opened and ran some more . I looked like that mad woman that chased after my little sister at school, saying she took her man.

“Hi sisi. Can I please borrow your phone. I need to-" she didn’t let me finish, she shook her head and crossed the road. She looked at me like I was crazy.

“Sorry bhuti, can you call an ambulance. My mom is dying,” I tried that card but he pushed me to the side and threw vulgar words at me.

Why won’t anyone help? Ms.Miggins was losing more blood by a minute. Everyone I came across either moved to the side or clicked their tongue on me.

I flagged a taxi down and pleaded with the driver to take me to town, that I didn’t have money. That was where I was going to find the needed help.

“Vala ntokazi,” he said after giving me the grade twelve question paper. He drove on his pace and I couldn’t ask him to drive faster as I had not even paid a cent. Besides, I knew he was going to reply with, “I’m on time,” nonsense.

“Police Station,” I couldn’t go to the hospital, it was going to cost me another fifteen minutes of which I didn’t have.

"Thank you babe"