...But God said So

Chapter 20: Not That Church

The madness started on Tuesday.

By Wednesday morning, Lily was convinced Ife had lost her mind.

Completely.

Irredeemably.

Lost it.

"Lily!"

Lily didn't look up from her phone.

"No."

"You don't even know what I want."

"I know enough."

"Lily!"

"No."

Ife marched into the living room carrying three throw pillows and a duster.

A duster.

Like she was preparing for a government inspection.

"We need new cushion covers."

Lily finally looked up.

Then looked around.

Then looked back at Ife.

"Who died?"

"What?"

"Because that's the only reason this level of cleaning makes sense."

"My parents are coming."

"So?"

"So?"

Ife looked personally offended.

"My mother notices everything."

Lily burst out laughing.

"No, seriously."

"I'm serious too."

"You think I'm joking?"

"Yes."

"I'm not."

Lily pointed at the center table.

"You cleaned that table this morning."

"I know."

"You cleaned it again thirty minutes ago."

"I know."

"You are cleaning it again."

"I KNOW."

Lily laughed so hard she nearly fell off the couch.

By afternoon, the entire apartment was upside down.

Curtains removed.

Cushions missing.

Wardrobe open.

Boxes everywhere.

Lily sat comfortably on the couch eating chin chin.

Supervising.

Because leadership was important.

"Pass me that box."

"No."

"Lily."

"No."

"Lily!"

"You have two hands."

Ife hissed.

"God is watching you."

Lily popped another chin chin into her mouth.

"Good. Let Him watch."

Ife threw a pillow.

Lily caught it.

"Nice throw."

"Get up and help me."

"No."

"You're useless."

"I've been called worse."

Eventually, Lily got up.

Not because she wanted to help.

Because Ife was becoming annoying.

Together they started sorting through old boxes.

Half of the contents were rubbish.

Old receipts.

Old shoes.

Expired perfumes.

One wig neither of them claimed ownership of.

"Whose wig is this?"

"Not mine."

"It's definitely yours."

"It's not."

"Lily."

"Ife."

The two women stared at each other.

Then threw the wig back into the box.

Problem solved.

An hour later, Ife's phone rang.

The room became silent immediately.

Both women looked at the screen.

"Mummy."

Lily stood up.

"I'm going to the kitchen."

"Sit down."

"No."

"Sit down."

"I don't want involvement."

"You are already involved."

Lily groaned and sat back down.

Ife answered.

"Hello, Mummy."

The volume was so loud Lily could hear everything.

"My daughter!"

Lily closed her eyes.

Here we go.

"Have you cleaned the guest room?"

"Yes, Mummy."

"What about the kitchen?"

"Yes, Mummy."

"The bathroom?"

"Yes, Mummy."

"The curtains?"

"Yes, Mummy."

Lily was fighting for her life.

"The fridge?"

"Yes, Mummy."

"Good girl."

The call ended.

For five seconds, nobody spoke.

Then—

"Your mother is a project manager."

Ife nodded.

"Certified."

"Accredited."

"Licensed."

They both burst out laughing.

Later that evening, they were finally relaxing when Ife suddenly froze.

"Oh."

Lily immediately became suspicious.

"What?"

"We forgot something."

"What?"

"The church."

Silence.

"What church?"

"The church we're attending when my parents come."

Lily blinked.

Then blinked again.

"Oh."

"Exactly."

The room fell quiet.

Neither woman had thought that far.

Ife sat up.

"It has to be close."

"Mhmm."

"It has to be a good church."

"Mhmm."

"My parents have to like it."

"Mhmm."

"And we'll probably go more than once."

Lily paused.

Slowly.

Very slowly.

Then—

"No."

Ife looked up.

"What?"

"No."

"What no?"

"No."

Understanding immediately appeared on Ife's face.

Then the smile came.

That smile.

The annoying one.

"Oho."

Lily pointed a finger.

"Don't."

"It's Pastor Joshua's church."

"Don't."

"It is."

"Don't."

Ife started laughing.

"Lily!"

"I said don't."

"Why not?"

"No reason."

"There is definitely a reason."

"No."

"There is."

"No."

"Lily."

"No."

"You like that pastor."

The cushion flew immediately.

Ife screamed and ducked.

"Violence!"

"You deserve it."

"You like him!"

Another cushion.

"Jesus!"

"Call Him well."

Ife laughed so hard tears formed in her eyes.

Meanwhile, Lily was trying very hard not to laugh too.

Failing badly.

That night, after Ife had gone to bed, Lily stood alone in the kitchen drinking water.

The apartment was quiet.

For once.

No shouting.

No cleaning.

No discussions about church.

Peace.

Then, unfortunately...

A familiar voice entered her mind.

"God has not abandoned you."

Lily groaned.

"Again?"

She wasn't even sure who she was talking to anymore.

Herself.

God.

Or Pastor Joshua.

With a frustrated shake of her head, she headed back to her room.

Determined to stop thinking about him.

Unfortunately...

That plan was failing spectacularly.