Ossi

2. When Ossi Awoke

When Ossi Awoke

Two years later, in Jerusalem.

It was Friday evening; you could smell it. We were getting ready to celebrate Shabbat with a full house, as always, with Uri’s family and ours. There was tension in the air; something felt different.

We were all sitting around our Shabbat table, which was covered with a beautiful white tablecloth. Mom lit and blessed the candles, Dad blessed the sweet Shabbat wine, and Jack, Uri’s dad, did the blessing over the freshly baked challah1. Everyone got a piece of the challah, and my brothers, as usual, were cracking jokes with several furtive looks in my direction. I was clueless.

The house smelled like Shabbat; clear chicken soup, gefilte fish, chopped liver, potato salad, various eggplant dishes, and grilled vegetables. The main course was Mom’s to-die-for brisket and three beautiful, oven-baked chickens stuffed with rice and herbs. Mom knew her way around the kitchen, and with the Arabic spices contributed by Adina, our nanny, they lovingly created our unique and special meals. Me, I had no desire to spend any time in the kitchen.

We started to eat. All good so far, but then Uri stood up and walked toward me when we got to dessert. He bent down, took a little box out of his pocket, opened it, and said, “Ossi, I love you. I have been in love with you since forever, and I promise you I will love you for the rest of my life. Please marry me.”

Everyone clapped, cheering, “Mazal Tov,2 Mazal Tov.”

I felt it was a done deal, that I had no say. I wanted to scream, “Look at me, everyone. I am here!” I was mad, furious.

Udi had been right; I was invisible. No one cared what I thought, what I wanted or didn’t want. It was all about Udi, the jerk who had already ruined my life and who had made the last two years a living hell. I bet he had arranged this whole thing.

Steaming mad, I felt that if I didn’t get up and do something drastic to prove that I existed, I would never complete my plans of joining the Army and then attending law school. They had already said they would not allow me to attend law school, the only dream I had.

My dad and Uri’s dad owned a law firm in town as partners. They were both smart; some would say brilliant. Greatly admired by all, many students competed to work for them. I wanted to be just like my dad, a successful and respected lawyer.

I stood up, looked at Uri, and whispered, “Get up.”

Face to face, I stared at him. I knew my Uri. He was smart, funny, and good-looking. It was no secret that many girls desired him. And, despite the adventure of the last two years, I adored and loved him with all my heart. But this was bad timing.

I stared at Udi for a while, and then I looked at Uri before closing my eyes and whispering, “I love you, Uri. Please, forgive me.” Then I punched him in the face.

“Uri,” I said calmly, “I am joining the Army, and then I am planning to go to law school. Please, let’s wait a few years, and then we will get married. You are the love of my life. You know I am madly in love with you. I promise to marry you.”

I was about to sit back in my chair, but Udi got up and wouldn’t let me. He had his “madness” look that I knew so well and had seen many times. He started to shout, “Dad, look at her. You can’t let her join the Army. We know what girls do in the Army, and who knows what will happen to her? Uri loves her; he is crazy about her.”

Then Udi looked at me. “You will marry Uri, you will have a few children, and you will do what good girls do—take care of your family. Right, Dad? Mom? Come on; am I the only one who sees how ridiculous she is? Law school?” Udi was shouting now, looking at Dad. “She’s lost her mind. Dad, say something.”

So, Dad did. He vetoed the Army and law school.

“Absolutely not.”

“Ossi, look at me, sweetheart,” Mom said. “I went to law school. The best thing that came out of it was meeting your father. But you, Ossi, you have Uri. Uri is a charming young man. We’ve known him since he was a baby. He will be a good husband and will make you happy. Isn’t that what you want?”

But then my Dad spoke again, and it was the last straw.

“Listen to Udi,” he said. “He knows what’s best for you. You should be happy having him around, loving and caring for you.”

That was it. That was the last straw. I was enraged and wanted to scream.

I looked around the table. Udi had a smug look on his face. They were all looking at me, expecting me to sit. For them, it was over. I would marry Uri. I would have a few children and …

No! Absolutely not!

I took a deep breath, grabbed the nearest wine glass, and smashed it against the table. Broken shards tumbled onto the table and fell on the floor. Then I seized a piece of broken glass and put it against my wrist, looking at my dad.

My mom was screaming. Ronit, Uri’s mom, was screaming. Everyone around the table was in shock and shouting.

“Ossi, what are you doing?”

“Ossi, put the glass down.”

“Ossi, have you lost your mind? Ossi!”

Udi and Uri froze.

I looked at my dad, who could not believe what was happening and whispered, “I want you to give me your word. Promise that you will let me join the Army. That’s all I am asking.” Then I raised my voice, repeating, “Promise me now! I want everyone around the table to hear you. Promise me that you will let me join the Army!” And again, I repeated, “Promise me now!”

“If you want to join the Army, go ahead. It is your choice, your decision,” Mom said, then looked at Dad, who was in shock and hardly able to speak.

Finally, he managed to say, “Ossi, please put down the glass. I am begging you.”

He implored me again to put the glass down. I didn’t.

“Promise me that you will allow me to join the Army, or I will end my life now,” I repeated. “All my life, it was about Udi—Udi, and Uri. Nobody saw me. I was invisible to everyone. This will end now. I want to get the hell out of here. Yes, Dad, living here, under your roof with four older brothers, is hell. The only reason I made it this far is knowing that when I turn eighteen, I can join the Army and will be able to take care of myself. You see, Dad, for me, the Israeli Defense Force is the light at the end of this long, dark, and miserable tunnel.”

Suddenly, I noticed that Uri was bleeding. My eyes filled with tears, and I cried, “I am sorry, Uri. Please forgive me. Please, I love you.”

Udi didn’t move since I was holding the glass against my wrist. He was totally in shock but smart enough to zip it. I also think he realized that this long party of his was over, and it would be wise for him to stay far away from me. And indeed, he did … for a long time.

Uri begged me to put the glass down. I just blew a kiss in his direction and then glanced at my father, who put his hand on his chest and looked as if he was about to have a heart attack.

“Ossi, I don’t understand. We gave you everything you wanted, everything you needed. Why are you saying your life here was hell, sweetheart? What did I miss?”

“Exactly,” I responded.

The room was silent.

I looked at Udi for a while, just to make him uncomfortable, and then I looked at my dad. “The fact that you are asking proves my point, Dad.” I tried to control my voice. “I grew up with four brothers. Three are much older than me, but they all dominated and tortured me, and all you and Mom said was, ‘Suck it up, Ossi; they will never hurt you.’ They did. They all did. I was a good girl, Dad, always at the top of my class, and a straight-A student, but it made no difference. It was all about them.” I pointed toward Uri and Udi’s direction. “So, now I want you to let me go.” I raised my voice. “I want out, out, out of here! Please, Dad, allow me to join the Army. I beg you, please. I thank you for all you did, Dad. I know you meant well.”

The room remained silent.

“I am waiting. I need to know that you’re okay with my decision, and it would be nice to receive your blessing,” I cried.

Dad looked at me, and then he shifted his look to Uri. “What do you think, Uri? What say you?”

Uri thought for a minute, looking directly at me, and then he spoke quietly. “You know, Herman, they say we are the product of our environment. Your wife is strong. Naomi is known as a powerful woman, the president of Hadassah. And my mom, she is a successful doctor. Two remarkable women, respected by all. For years, Ossi has been talking about studying law, and Lisa wants to follow our mom and go to med school. Are you surprised? I think this train has left the station. These two girls are unstoppable, and I am glad. Glad and proud.”

You could see the admiration my dad had for Uri.

He looked at Udi, asking, “What about you, Udi? Any thought?”

“Makes no difference, Dad. As Uri said, ‘This train has left the station …’” Then he smiled.

My dad had a big smile, too.

“Ossi, do it; go serve in the Army. I am giving you my blessing, and I promise I will always be here for you. My princess, my only daughter, I love you more than you can imagine. I am sorry I failed to show you that, but this is your home forever. You are my princess, Ossi—always remember that.” Dad then got up and walked toward me. He gave me a huge hug, placed a kiss on my forehead, and said, “I love you, Ossi, I love you.”

I could see in his eyes that he was proud of me, and as he hugged me, he whispered again, “I love you. I love you, my princess.”

Dad then looked at Uri, sending him kisses. Then he looked around the table, and with his charming smile, he pointed at me and said, “V’yakum hamelafefhone v’yakea at haganan.”3

Everybody laughed, even me.

Finally, I awoke.