Writingcamp + Afterlife

Week 6: How to create dialogue? / Afterlife

So, as the story continues, Gregory, who barely survived his last attempt to have fun, becomes surly and distant, without explaining why. Since Gregory's temper was always short, Helen ventures to learn what's happening. They have plans for the approaching evening, but Gregory looks as if he changed his mind suddenly.

Helen: "Gregory?".

Gregory: "What?"

Helen: "Listen, I wanted to go..."

Gregory: "Yeah, yeah. Wherever. If you wish, just go".

Helen: ''Will you come with me? We talked about that..."

Gregory: "No. Will you please just let me alone?"

Helen: "What happened? Could you just  tell me what happened on that slide?"

Gregory: "So you didn't see? No, nothing special. I just almost drowned down there, and no one cared".

And the same dialogue, with more context and emotional details:

"Gregory?", asked she; Gregory was never fond of typical words, such as "honey" or "darling"; to him, the sound of his own name was indeed the music of the spheres.

"What?" was the dry, distant response.

"Listen, I wanted to go..."

"Yeah, yeah", snapped Gregory. "Wherever. If you wish, just go".

''Will you come with me? We talked about that..."

"No", shook his head Gregory. "Will you please just let me alone?"

Wide-eyed, Helen sat, so she could stare into Gregory eyes.

"What happened?", asked she in a lowered voice. "Could you just  tell me what happened on that slide?"

Gregory awkwardly smiled.

"So you didn't see?", concluded Gregory. I was drowning, damn you, while you were talking with friends. "No, nothing special. I just almost drowned down there, and no one cared".