Loving by the rules.

"Four days left"

Emily's point of view.

“Don’t worry about Jake and lily, they’re sleeping in my room” Mark reassures me, handing me a steaming cup of coffee and collecting the towel he gave me.

I had to make sure they were safe first.

He made sure I was comfortable, even offered his clothes to change into but I refused, after all, I wasn’t staying over. “But man, they’ve grown so big, I almost couldn’t recognize them. Sorry for bringing them in without your permission by the way” he gave me a guilty look.

“It’s fine, but you could’ve called or messaged first” my voice sounded clipped. “What am I saying? You haven’t texted me for months” I mutter loud enough for him to hear, shooting him a glare.

“Look, I’m so sorry for not contacting you all this while, but it was all so hectic. The family house burned down and we lost almost everything, including grandpa. It took a long time before we could stabilize everything. Oh, I dropped my phone in the toilet by mistake and lost all my contacts” I tried to take the information seriously but the last part made me burst into laughter.

“That’s so you. But seriously, I’m sorry about your grandpa and family house” I tried to calm my laughing self by sipping some coffee.

“Nah, it’s cool. But what’ve you been up to? You look even more stressed than when you were studying for college finals?” He raised an eyebrow, his coffee totally forgotten on the kitchen counter.

I cower a bit under his stare but still tell him everything, the warmth of the mug flowing into my hands providing a constant reassurance.

“Damn, that’s… I thought you guys would be fine. You know, his insurance, your parent’s money, stuff like that” he rubs the back of his neck awkwardly, staring at the apple logo on his laptop.

“The insurance could only take us so far Mark, and my parents…you knew my relationship with them” I stare at the floor, realizing how awkward the situation had become.

A pregnant moment of silence followed.

“I can help with the bills. I mean, if you want me to” he offers. “I’d appreciate it, but I can tell that you need it” I gesture to his half barren apartment, a smile upturning my lips.

He’s always been like this, trying to provide for others even when he doesn’t have much.

He wanted to retort back, but I cut him off. “You’ll also need it when you finally get a girlfriend” I tease. He rolls his eyes. “I told you, there’s-“

“Already someone that I like, I know. It’s been years, how will you know if she’s interested if you don’t quit being a chicken?” I say exasperatedly. “I know, I know. But I just saw her after a long time and she’s been through a lot, I want to give her space first” he mutters.

“Okay, but when do I meet her?” I really want to meet the lucky girl that captured the heart of someone like him. “I’m not sure, depends on what happens in the future. But you’ll definitely love her” he says, an emotion I can’t grasp swirling in his hazel depths.

“I wish you best of luck then, hope she says yes” I place the half empty mug on the table and stand up. “Hope so too” he stands up as well, easily towering over me.

“You going already?” he asks when he sees me heading to his room. “Yeah. It’s getting late, they have school and I have work tomorrow” I approach the bed and take in the sight of my babies sleeping soundly, kissing them both on their foreheads.

I’m so glad they’re alright.

Mark carries Jake while I carry lily, both of us then heading out the apartment and into the elevator. “What’re you gonna do now?” my voice shrouds the low hum of the elevator.

“Got a job at a real estate company, that’s half the reason why I’m here” I had the urge to ask about the other reasons, but stifled it with a nod instead.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” Mark asks after settling the kids in the car. “Of course I will” I reassure him, even if I wasn’t so sure myself. He pulls me into a hug, holding me tight. “Please, let me know if you need anything at all” he whispers against my hair.

I nodded again, but I knew that I couldn’t do that to him. He has his own life to live. He plants a light kiss on my temple and pulls away, a small smile on his face.

“See you later” he says, as we never tell ourselves goodbye. “See you later” I give a small wave and get into the car.

Fortunately, the car didn’t embarrass me and I was able to drive away from him.

Away from one of the good things left in my life.

And I thought this day couldn’t get any worse?

*******************

One of the few things I don’t regret is my house being a semi-detached one. It’s difficult enough to get two sleeping children into the house. Now imagine if I lived in the second or third floor of an apartment complex.

I shudder at the thought.

After changing them into their pajamas and tucking them in, I collapse on the couch, wanting to rest for a few minutes before heading in for a shower.

I close my eyes, pretending that the stack of bills on the dining table didn’t exist.

Four days. That’s all I have left to pay the rent, and I wasn’t close to gathering the full amount.And that’s not mentioning other expenses like groceries, school fees and toiletries. I groaned in despair.

I want my kids to always have a roof over their heads, have good food to eat, and live their normal lives to the fullest. I’d do anything, even sell my soul to the devil, to make sure that they have that.

Despite my tiredness and worries, I somehow manage to have a hot shower and check in on the kids one more time. Now came another difficult part of the day: falling asleep.

I’ve always been a light sleeper and often had nightmares, but it got a lot worse after his death, to the point where I wouldn’t sleep for two or three nights in a row.

I got sleeping and anxiety pills, but it did nothing to ward off the nightmares.I stopped using it when I feared that I was abusing it, but it seems that I would have to lend its assistance once again.

I pop two tablets of Xanax in my mouth and down them with a glass of water.

Laying on the bed in the guest room, I clutch the blanket around me tighter, the emptiness of the room mirroring how I felt. Empty.

I wait for the drugs to kick in, remembering the past. The past where I had great dreams of putting my English diploma to good use and becoming a professional writer. The past when I had a loving husband by my side to cheer me on.

But that’s all it is now, the past.

Just as my eyes began to lose focus and my eyelids droop in promise of slumber, the blaring ringtone of my phone broke me out of that state, like a spell being broken.

“Hello?” I almost couldn’t recognize the grumpy voice that answered the phone. The caller speaks, and my eyes widen as the seconds passed.

“WHAT!?”