Sweet As Sin

45

The other bad seed was an extremely intelligent and sophisticated Frenchman named Phillip. He was far more dangerous than Ryan, because his genius was in getting me to question myself. He never came right out and demanded I do anything. His style wasn’t a k******e approach, as Ryan’s was.

It was guerilla warfare.

Subtly, over the course of a year, I began to distrust my instincts. Had I really been flirting with that friendly bartender? Was my dress as revealing as his disapproving glances said? Phillip’s influence was so roundabout, his technique so refined, my self-confidence eroded to the point I began to rely on him for the most mundane decisions. And, mission accomplished, he happily complied.

It took Grace giving me a walloping slap upside the head to set me straight.

So now, with those shitty experiences under my belt, I couldn’t ignore the neon red sign flashing in front of my eyes, screaming, “Control Freak Alert!”

No man was going to tell me which gynecologist to see. That was just crossing the f*****g line.

“Number one,” I began, staring him dead in the eye, “you said after you’d made me come, I’d belong to you. I didn’t come. You can work out for yourself where I’m going with that.”

His nostrils flared. He leaned in closer to me, and now our noses were touching.

That only pissed me off more. My next words were biting.

“Number two. Until you have a freezing cold speculum shoved up inside you and winched open by ten different doctors before you find one that’s actually nice and makes you feel comfortable and knows what the hell he’s doing, you do not get to weigh in on my choice of a gynecologist. And, finally, the very important number three, stop being such an asshole!”

I spun out of his arms, retrieved the towel from the bed, rewrapped it around my body, and stood glaring at him from a few feet away.

Only after I’d done all that did it occur to me that poking an angry bear usually isn’t the best tactic.

Nico’s voice came deadly soft. “Don’t yell at me.”

I answered in the same tone. “Refer to point number three.”

He stepped closer, eyes fierce. I refused to step back. “Nico, don’t. I’m not letting you intimidate me. If you want this to go any further than today, than right this second, just don’t.”

That stopped him dead in his tracks. Looking as if I’d just slapped him, he whispered, “You’re not goin’ anywhere, Kat.”

I got so mad it was all I could do to answer him civilly. “Just to be perfectly clear: you don’t get to make that decision. I’m not your toy.”

He licked his lips. It reminded me of a nature show I’d once seen of an alpha wolf on the hunt for a caribou in the Alaskan wilderness. It didn’t end well for the caribou.

He took a measured step closer, then another, until we were a foot apart. His eyes drilled into mine. I still refused to budge. “You’re my favorite toy, baby. And I’m yours. So that makes us even.”

I opened my mouth to protest, but he interrupted me.

“That also means I’m not gonna let you walk away ’cause you got your panties in a wad about me actin’ like a man. Told you this yesterday and I’m sayin’ it again: we’re gonna give each other the benefit of the doubt. You’re pissed at me, you tell me. I think you’re bein’ a drama queen, I’m gonna tell you.”

What? Me? A drama queen?

“I can tell by that angry little noise you just made that you think I’m an even bigger asshole now that I said that, but just like you shouldn’t be afraid to speak your mind to me, I’m not gonna be afraid to speak my mind to you.” He glanced at my necklace, then back up into my eyes. “I wasn’t playin’ when I said we’re gonna have trust, Kat. It might not always be pretty.” He reached out and softly stroked my cheek. “But it is always gonna be real.”

I considered all that, then decided to go for broke. “Okay. You want real? Here it is. And if you don’t like it, you’ve only got yourself to blame.”

He waited, still tenderly stroking my cheek. I wished he wasn’t doing that, because it was messing with my righteous anger.

“I’ve had twelve lovers in my life.” His hand on my face froze. “That’s right, I said it. Twelve. Two of them were complete psychos, three of them had mommy issues, four of them were just f*****g immature. The other three either cheated on me or roughed me up. One of them did both, and loved every minute of it. So that puts you at unlucky number thirteen. And if I were judging this relationship on my past experiences, I’d be out that door so fast right now your head would spin.

“I don’t like aggression. I don’t really like possessiveness, either, but at least that shows you care. But the anger? This stuff with you going ballistic on the press, and even getting physical with your friends? That worries me, Nico. All your secrets worry me, too. But I’m standing here, telling you this, because I care. I’m looking for reasons to stay. Don’t give me any more to walk away.”

Slowly, he withdrew his hand from my face. He stared at me a long, long time, silent, his expression a mix of frustration and conflict, and what might have even been fear. He whispered, “I only have two secrets, Kat. One that could ruin my life, and one that could ruin someone else’s. If you want me to, I’ll tell you both.”