Nights Like This

CHAPTER 22

I emptied the first bottle that I got from Sol na dapat ay para kay Vance. True to his words, hindi nga talaga sya uminom kahit pa nilapagan ko na sya ng sa pang bote dahil hindi naman talaga nya ako kailangang bantayan.

"Come on, Vance. Kaya ko naman yung sarili ko. It's not your responsibility to take care of me kaya sige na," pilit ko sa kanya. "Enjoy this night."

Hindi ko naman pababayaan yung sarili ko and I certainly know my limits and it's not as if naman nasa isang delikadong lugar ako and I don't know the people that I am with. Magsisiyahan kaming lahat rito kasi that's how it's supposed to be tonight.

Nagpapalit palit na ang tingin nya sa bote ng alak at sa akin. I can see that I have shaken him at nagdadalawang isip na sya kung itutuloy nya ba kung ano yung plano nya na babantayan ako o makikinig sya sa akin. Dapat lang makinig sa akin kasi hindi ko talaga sya ma ge- gets kung bakit kailangan nya akong bantayan. I mean, I know naman na he means well but it's kind of burdensome for me na may nagbabantay sa akin. I am full grown adult and I am the only person responsible for myself. Wala ng iba.

Inusog ko yung bote sa harap nya. "You don't want to make me uncomfortable, right?" sabi ko.

I got his attention with what I said. Nanlaki ang mga mata nya at na pirmi ang mukha nya sa akin, he is just looking at me while his mouth is parted.

He blinked saka sinarado ang awang sa bibig nya. "I'm sorry. Do I make you uncomfortable?" he asked me, almost whispering.

Mabilis akong umiling. Hindi naman kasi ganoon ang gusto kong iparating sa kanya. "No! Hindi ganun. What I meant was I am uncomfortable kapag may nai i- convenient ako so please just enjoy the night too. I assure you that I will be fine," paliwanag ko sa kanya.

"Are you sure? Please tell me if I am making you uncomfortable ha," sabi nya. I nodded.

This time hindi nag dalawang isip si Vance na kunin yung bote at ininuman. I smiled at his cuteness.

"You are not. Just enjoy the night with me kaysa binabantayan mo ako. Okay?" pag a- assure ko sa kanya.

Nabaling ang tingin naming dalawa sa open area sa gitna where there are few people na nagsasayawan. Lowkey, I feel like we're in a club dahil may mga bouncing disco lights sa gitna and although it's not as fancy or high end like the clubs that I am going to, it still brings out the fun.

Nawiwili ako sa kaka panood ng mga nagsasayawan sa dance floor kaya inabot ko yung beer ko nang mapatingin ako sa kanya. Sakto na pag tingin ko, he's pouting his lips saka itinataas nya ang kilay nya.

My forehead creased dahil hindi ko naiintindihan kung anong pinararating nya.

"What?" tanong ko sa kanya but he just keeps on pouting his lips now towards me. "Ano ba kasi yun? What? Do you want me to kiss you?"

Kulang na lang lumuwa ang mata ni Vance sa walang pasintabung sinabi ko na iyon. Paano ba naman kasi, I really don't get what he's trying to say. Naka pout sya like he's really asking for a kiss.

Hindi ko rin alam sa sarili ko why I blurted that out. Dala siguro ng alak na nagbibigay ng lakas ng loob sa akin. If I do or say something stupid that I might regret, I'll just blame it to the alcohol.

That's how it is. Alcohol makes a great excuse to redeem ourselves when we did something that we lack the courage doing and saying when we're sober.

"No. Tumingin ka sa likod mo," aniya. He did the pout again and this time, tama na ang pag turo nya dahil nakikita kong nasa likodc na yung direction naka point.

Okay. He doesn't want to kiss me. I don't know how I should I feel about that. He didn't even think twice when he said 'no'.

Dahan dahan naman aong lumingon sa likod ko gaya ng itinuturo nya at halos yumuko ako dahil nasa likod ko lang pala si Gabriel na abalang kausap yung ibang employees!

I leaned closer to Vance at binulungan sya ng, "Bakit nandito 'to?"

I didn't know na nandito si Gabriel because for the past few days, wala sya rito. He isn't supposed to be here. He's supposed to be in the company signing papers. Someone like him na nasa pinaka tuktok ng organization is never present on events like this. Sino ba naman kami para pag laanan nila kami ng oras at yung mga ganitong activities, right?

Dahil sa taranta ko na huwag makita ni Gabriel dahil one turn frim him magpa- pang abot talaga kaming dalawa, hinatak ko si Vance palayo roon. Of course, bitbit yung bote ng beer. I can leave Vance here because I'm sure hahanapin pa rin naman nya ako but the beer won't walk to me kaya hindi ko iyon makakaligtaan kahit anong mangyari.

Yes, I am hiding from Gabriel like I always do. Alam ko namang bu- buwisitin na naman nya ako and my night that has just started will be ruined and I don't want that.

I'd rather stay with Vance and get annoyed with his corny jokes than be with Gabriel na wala pa ngangginagawa annoyed na ako.

"Why are you dragging me? We can just walk," reklamo nya habang hinihila ko sya papunta sa kabilang side, sa pinaka likod para hindi ako makikita ni Gabriel.

Binitawan ko yung kamay nya na hinihila ko. "Okay. Bahala ka na if you want to walk or go anywhere. Basta ako, I'll quickly hide from him," sabi ko.

Tinalikuran ko sya and walked pero nakaka isang hakbang, sya na naman ang humila sa akin.

"Sinong may sabing iiwan kita mag isa dito? Hindi ako aalis sa tabi mo," sabi nya sa akun saka hinatak ako papunta sa ilalim ng puno ng mangga at naupo kami sa grass imbis na sa monoblock chairs. Ground level kami so Gabriel wouldn't see me.

Kabado pa ako habang papunta kami rito sa dami ng employees na bumabati sa amin lalo na yung mga girls na may crush kay Vance na magaganda ang ngiti sa kanya but when they look at me, kulang na lang umikot ng 360 yung eyeballs nila sa pag irap sa akin. My response to that? Roll my eyes back to them too.

I just returned the favor.

Habang narito kami sa camp, I also realized na wala namang masama sa pagiging close namin ni Vance. I mean, he's my boss but we're not doing anything bad naman. Tingin ko nga ngayon na mas better na close na kami so that mas magiging magaan din yung working relationship namin.

We're not exactly friends because I have a lot of things that I don't know about him but we're past that acquaintanes and colleagues level. Parang ako at si Jaye. Except lang na that guy knows al lot about my screwed up life.

Let's just say na we enjoy each other's company. Well, at least on my part. Siguro naman he enjoys it too dahil enjoy na syang asarin ako eh.

"Bakit nandito 'yun si Gabriel?" tanong ko sa kanya nang maka upo na kami.

That alone made me crave for more bottles of beer. I wanna ask kung may tequila ba sila para mas malakas yung tama. Na stress agad ako!

"He's been here since the afternoon. I talked to him kanina pero hindi naman nya nabanggit kung anong pakay nya dito," sagot nya sa akin.

Napa hinga ako ng malalim. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Oo nga naman pala kasi. After that super tiring last physical activity which is the low rope course, bumagsak na agad ako sa higaan at ngayon lang ulit naka bangon dahil sa sobrang pagod ko.

"How would I tell you? After natin sa low ropes course, hindi ka na lumabas ng dorm nyo. Hinahanap ka ni Gabriel kanina. He looked for you as soon as he got here," binuka nya yung bibig nya as if na may sasabihin pa sya but he looks like he's hesitating.

I raised both of my brows urging him to continue what he's about to say.

"Kaya rin kita inabangan kanina. Alam ko namang naiinis ka kaagad pag nakikita mo sya kaya balak sana kitang bigyan ng heads up," sabi nya sa akin.

I laughed at the idea that came to my mind. "And then we ended up sitting just behind him," sabi ko sa kanya.

Vance laughed and sipped on his drink. I did too. "Right. Ang pangit ka bonding ng tadhana. Nananadya eh."

I looked at him and offered him a toast. " But thank you for the concern. Hindi pa naman ako nakikita ni Gabriel so I guess it's fine for now. Kampai?"

Inilapit nya ang tip ng bottle nya sa akin ang clicked his on mine. "Kanpai."

And then we both chugged our drink.

Nakaka dalawang bote na ako and currently holding the third bottle. I plan to stop at four although I still have a clear mind. I am not yet drunk 'drunk' but I couldn't deny that I could feel the alcohol in my body. Wala namang sinasabi yung kasama ko na unlike me, hindi pa rin nya nauubos yung unang bote nya ng beer. I bet it's not cold na kasi kanina nya pa hawak iyon.

"Ubusin mo na yan so you could enjoy naman," sabi ko sa kanya.

Ako lang talaga ang nabo- bother na hindi nya pa nauubos yung drink nya.

"I am enjoying kahit na hindi ako uminom ng marami, Camila. The drinks that I had doesn't equate to how much I enjoy things. Like this."

"Ganun? Ako kasi mas nag e- enjoy ako when I drink a lot," sabi ko sa kanya.

"Why? Sigurado naman akong mag e- enjoy ka kahit na walang alak na involved," sabi nya.

I embraced my legs that's folded and placed my chin on my knees because damang dama ko na naman ang lakas ng tama ng hangin sa katawan ko. Lalo pa na nasa ilalim kami ng puno.

I sighed and turned my head on his direction. "Probably. I mean, I can. But drinking alcohol liberates me. I don't know kung maiintindihan mo but there's something different in me that I feel when I'm drunk. Pakiramdam ko, I am free to do anything and just blame it on the alcohol when I mess up kahit na alam ko naman talaga kung ano yung ginagawa ko in the first place."

"You found solace in alcohol?" tanong nya.

He's just looking at me and he's not removing his eyes on me. Kanina pa sya naka titig sa akin but I don't find it uncomfortable kahit na kaunti because his gaze tells me that he's not just listening to whatever that I say. He's listening with no judgement and with understanding.

I looked at him and nodded. "That's probably it. Alcohol frees me in a way that I couldn't really put in words. It's like pag tinanong ka why do you love someone-"

"Hindi mo kayang i- enumerate kung bakit pero alam na alam mo yung pakiramdam," sagot nya sa pag putol sa sinasabi ko.

I smiled and nodded at him."Exactly. It's like that. Let's just say that I can be me when I'm drunk," sabi ko sa kanya.

"But do you know that that freedom that the alcohol is giving you is only temporary?" tanong nya sa akin.

It's just an honest question from him but I feel like he really got me there. I feel like I am slapped with the harsh truth and cruel reality all at once.

Ang sabi ko kasi magsasaya kami ngayong gabi eh. Hindi namam ganito yung tamang bonding. Bakit naman may pag atake?

"Just like intoxication. It's temporary. Mawawala rin when you sober up just like when you go back to the reality. No matter how hard you try to run from the reason why you are resorting to temporary escape, hinding hindi pa rin mawawala yung problema mo unless you face and solve your problem."

Yun nga. I don't know how to fix that because facing my problem would mean that I would be going to go againts my family. Like for real. Yung tipong ipaglalaban ko yung sarili ko at handa ako sakali man na i- dis own nila ako. Hindi naman kasi malabong mangyari 'yun.

"Sorry. Did I make you uncomfortable?" nag aalala nyang tanong.

Hindi ko namalayan na I've been absorbed in my own thoughts at natulala na lang ako bigla. Para akong nahuli sa sarili kong trap? That's how Iam feeling right now.

"No, Vance. You did not. Napa isip lang ako sa sinabi mo," sabi ko sa kanya. " And you're absolutely right about all of that. But I am doing this because this is the only thing that I can afford to do right now. To have a temporary escape to a permanent problem because you see, I still don't have the guts to face it. Siguro hindi pa ako handa o there's an opportunity to break all of that."

"So instead of destroying that with one bang, you're choosing to destroy yourself instead? Slowly? With drinking?"

I thought that this is just an honest conversation? Why do I feel like nasa phase na kami kung kailan makakarinig na ako ng sermon mula sa kanya. Again, wala akong masabi because he's right again.

"And when you do something stupid, blame it on the alcohol because you're drunk?" dagdag nya pa.

"I rarely blame on alcohol naman. Yung maliliit and silly mistakes lang naman because when I do something really stupid and when I really meant to do that I own it," sabi ko sa kanya as a defense to myself.

Gaya nung nakita ako sa bar nung mga acquaintances ni Kuya at sinumbong sa kanya kaya nahila nya ako palabas roon. I owned it naman. Okay. It's really stupid naman to almost grind myself on some guy but it only created a problem because he caught me. If he didn't, nobody would care.

"Okay. But please, lower your alcohol intake. Wala namanng nagbabawal sa'yo pero wag ka namang su- sobra. Wag naman na halos linggo linggo umiinom ka because it's not good for your health," sabi nya sa akin like he's really seen me drink weekly. Kung may taong nakaka- alam ng pag inom ko ng linggo linggo, si Jaye lang yun.

But that's only when I am super stressed and I need a short break.

"Ngayon mo nga lang ako nakitang uminom pero pinagsasabihan mo na ako sa alcohol intake ko," pasaring ko sa kanya.

Vance pressed his lips together at halatang nagulat sya sa sinabi ko. He probably realized na, oo nga. Tama ako.

He cleared his throat nang maka bawi saka tinaasan ako ng kilay. "Right. Ngayon lang kitang makikitang uminom pero pakiramdam ko, I have seen enough."

I laughed at him. "Chill ka lang. This is just my third bottle."

"And your last," pinal na sabi nya.

"No. Because I plan to stop at fourth," I clapped back. "Akala ko ba walang nagbabawal sa akin?"

Vance looked at me, dumbfounded because pag sa usapang alak, ayaw ko ring magpa talo.

"I am not. But I have to tell you that you have to stop because we're going early tomorrow. Ayaw mo naman siguro magka hang over ng malala bukas and on top of it, b- byahe pa tayo ng ilang oras."

Tumango ako. "Right. I don't want that. Ayaw ko na ng dagdag na sakit ng ulo bukas."

I smiled at him. It's really a breath of freah air to have a conversation with Vance like this. If we're in a normal setting, baka natampal ko na yung sarili ko because of over sharing but not this time. It's because he makes a lot of sense and he made me think and he made a lot of points na dapat kong pag nilayan when I get back.

"Tinatawag ko ang atensyon ng mga campers. Puwede ba akong maka hingi ng sandali sa inyo?"

Napunta ang atensyon ng lahat sa boses ni Kuya Esteban na nagsasalita sa mic. I stretched my neck para makita ko yung dance floor and nobody's there but Kuya. Mahina na rin ang tugtog na parang nag sisilbing background music na lang.

I looked at Vance, mentally asking kung ano iyon but he just shrugged.

"Bilang ngayong gabi na ang huling gabi na mamamalagi kayo rito sa Camp Willow, gusto kong magpasalamat sa sandali na narito kayo sa kampo namin. Nawa'y may naitulong kami sa inyo at nag enjoy kayo sa pamamalagi nyo rito. Nag enjoy ba kayo?" sigaw ni Kuya.

Samu't saring sigaw at responses ang nakuha ni Kuya na ikina tawa nya.

"Did you enjoy?" tanong sa akin ni Vance. May maliit na ngiti ang pumu- porma sa mga labi nya but his eyes are literally twinkling.

"I did," natuwa kong sagot sa kanya. "I didn't expect that I will but I did enjoy all of it so much."

"Talaga? Eh bakit sabi mo kanina isusumpa mo kung sino mang naka imbento o naka discover ng rock climbing?" bato nya pabalik sa akin.

I rolled my eyes at him. He's at it again. Balik na naman sya sa pang bu- buwisit sa akin.

"That's because I am afraid of heights okay? I am afraid that I might fall and crash after," sabi ko sa kanya. Hindi ko ba alam why I am still defending myself to him eh halata namang he's just annoying me.

"You shouldn't be afraid to fall. Mas sasalo naman sa'yo. I'm literally there," aniya.

Hindi ko na naman alam kung bakit may mabilis na pag t***k na naman sa dibdib ko. Hindi naman nakaka palpitate yung beer.

"Tapos aasarin mo na naman ako."

Vance just laughed and didn't say anything.

"Dahil rin narito na tayong lahat, ngayong gabi rin namin sasabihin kung sino ang team na may pinaka marami ang points. Ang may team na pinaka maraming puntos ay syang makaka kuha ng grand prize na inihanda ng kumpanya para sa inyo," anunsyo ni Kuya.

Because of that, mas lalong naging maingay ang lahat. Kanya kanyang cheer ang mga employees sa mga team nila.

Napa luhod tuloy ako para makita ko ng mas maayos yung harap I looked at Vance with so much anticipation on my eyes and he's the same.

Pakiramdam kasi namin na we have a chance for it. Hindi nire- reveal kung paano nila kami i- score but we firmly believe na may chance kami kasi we did really well on every activities. Well, except for the wall climbing because I ruined that one. Over all, okay naman.

"Ang nanalo ay i- aanunsyo ng ating butihing bise presedente, Sir Gabriel Montes," pagpapakilala ni Kuya and I laughed because that's how they introduce my Daddy and Kuya during campaign.

Nakita kong lumakad si Gabriel from his pwesto kanina papunta sa gitna at hinawakan ang mic. Kung ang pag announce lang ang pinunta ni Gabriel rito, para lang syang nag sayang ng oras nya dahil babalik din naman bukas but it's not bad because he get to experience this too.

"Good evening, sa inyo. I won't beat around the bush. I'll announce the team who won the grand prize," aniya.

Binuksan nya yung envelope na hawak nya and opened he paper inside it.

The background music na drum roll gave a dramatic effect and suspense to the announcement.

I clasped both of my hands because of the anticipation.

"Congratulations... Operations Team!" anunsyo nya. "Vance and team, please come up hereto claim your prize."

Nagkatinginan kami ni Vance. I raised my hands for a highfive but he took tbat hand saka hinila ako para sa yakap na hindi man lang tumagal ng ilang segundo. I don't want to spoil the moment so I just let that kahit na ang lakas lakad na ng t***k ng puso ko sa ginawa nya.

I can see how happy Vance is. In fact, this is the happiest that I've seen him ever.

Tumayo si Vance saka nilahad nya yung kamay nya sa harap ko that I gladly took saka hinila ako gamit amg lakas nya pa tayo.

Nagtakbuhan na ang mga team mates namin sa gitna at nag si talunan, masayang masaya because we earned the price. Para tuloy nawala yung tama ng alak sa akin!

We were having our celebratory moment sa gitna nang makaramdam ako ng marahang hawak sa balikat ko. Pag lingon ko, si Gabriel pala.

"Sir," bati ko sa kanya. I stopped clapping and smiling.

Buti na lang, I recieved a good news from him first bago ko sya makita because the that made my instant badtrip revoked.

"You didn't call Tita? Hindi mo sinabing kasama ka sa camp na 'to? She's been looking for you sa akin kaya napa sugod ako rito," sabi nya sa akin. Naka kunot ang noo nya.

Hinawakan ko yung kamay nya at kinalas ang pagkakahawak ng kamay nga sa braso ko.

"I am a grown up adult, Sir. I can manage myself. Please just let me have our moment muna. Uuwi na rin naman bukas," sagot ko sa kanya.

He sighed and then nods.

Nilubayan ko ng tingin si Gabriel at nahagip ng mata ko si Vance na halos mapunit ang labi sa pag ngiti nya.

Happy looks really good on him.