Chapter 4-1
1030 Words
4
Dr. Sauvé sat back in her chair and crossed her legs. “I’m so glad you called this morning. It’s good to see you again, Chelsea.”
“Thank you for fitting me in on such short notice.”
“If you’ve decided to continue our work together, I’m grateful that I had a cancellation.”
Chelsea shifted in her seat. “Well…that is something we need to discuss.”
“Okay. I’m listening.”
“In recent months, my life has kind of fallen apart. I’ve made some bad choices. I’ve come to recognize that changes are needed.”
“Recognizing that is a healthy sign. But I’d like to talk about the bad choices you say you’ve made for a moment. Do you understand why you chose them?”
“Maybe not entirely…yet. But I do know they’re destructive and won’t help me heal.”
“That’s a positive step.”
Chelsea leaned forward towards Dr. Sauvé. “The most important trigger for me is that I’m still feeling like a victim.”
“This is something we’ve discussed as you’ve moved through the stages of healing. Intellectually, you know you aren’t a victim anymore. But you’re still emotionally tied to the victim cycle. But why? This is something we need to continue our sessions on.”
Chelsea frowned. “I think I’ve figured out part of the reason why.”
Dr. Sauvé wrote something in her notebook, but her expression remained stoic. She looked back up at her patient. “Continue.”
“Because all the people around me see me as a victim. They express it through their facial expressions, their eyes, their hesitant verbal interactions with me, or their blatant curiosity and infuriating questions.”
“You aren’t responsible for what other people think or say to you.”
“I know that…but every day they remind me that I’m different…not normal. And then I come here and we talk about it all over and over again, which just reinforces it.”
“You need to separate your perception of yourself from theirs.”
Chelsea jumped up. “Exactly.” She paced back and forth in front of her doctor. “There’s only one way I know how to do that.”
“Please, sit down and tell me.”
She sat down and tried to relax. “I’m moving out of Kelowna. In order for me to become introspective and figure this all out, I need to be away from people.”
“And where would you go to be away from people?”
“Jax Rhyder’s father, Chaz, is willing to rent me his grandparents’ cottage at Emerald Lake. It’s right on the lake, and there are hiking trails through the grasslands. A peaceful hit of nature.” Chelsea looked expectantly at Dr. Sauvé.
The doctor looked concerned. “And what about our sessions? Will you continue them?”
“Doctor, we’ve talked all this out over and over for months. I don’t want to keep talking about what happened to me. I need to move forward. It’s the only way I see me growing.”
“My concern is that you may be thinking that a change of location will make it all go away. That’s just running away. There are no geographical cures.”
“That’s not my plan. I don’t want to stop thinking about it, I can’t. But I just don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
“What do you plan on doing with yourself all day, alone and hidden away in a lakeside cabin?”
Chelsea chuckled. “It’s a beautiful, bright and open-plan Pan-abode cottage with three bedrooms, not a cabin. I do have neighbours around the lake. There’s the small town of Tallulah Falls close by, and I’m only forty minutes away from my mother and you, and thirty minutes away from my daughter. And I plan on taking online university courses.”
“Are you still taking your anti-depressants?”
Chelsea squirmed in her chair. “No. We’ve tried a couple of different ones, and the side-effects make me worse. I’d rather not at this point. And if I’m being honest, I’ve been drinking too much, and dabbling in other pills, and didn’t want to mix them.” She placed her elbows on her knees and leaned forward. “It’s been a long time since I’ve felt excited and right about doing something. I not only want this; I need it.”
The doctor smiled. “I can see how excited you are. As your doctor, though, I do have concerns that over time, the bloom will wear off the rose, and I worry about you dealing with that all alone without a support system.”
“Maybe I can alleviate your fears. I know that I couldn’t have gotten through these initial months without your help and that of my family. I do recognize the value of your work, Doctor, as well as family support. And I’m appreciative. But I think it’s time I stood on my own two feet and figured this out on my own without everyone else trying to do my thinking for me.”
“I will say that is a positive second step. I’m just not sure about cutting you loose all together yet.”
“You’re only a phone call away. If I think I’m slipping, I’ll call, I promise.” Chelsea paused and reached into her bag for a bottle of water. She drank down half of it while the doctor studied her and wrote more notes.
“And the partying and drinking, are they something you intend on changing?”
Chelsea shrugged. “I think they were a coping mechanism to avoid feeling like a victim.”
Dr. Sauvé studied her face but didn’t say anything.
Chelsea sat back in her chair. “I have a suggestion. When I was a kid, you know I always kept journals. Thank God I did, since they were a big part of what helped my family find me. I want to start keeping a journal again. Writing down my daily thoughts and feelings could help me.”
“Now that is a good idea. One I strongly encourage. And if you let me check in with you by phone…and if you come in once a month…I’ll be happy to support your move.”
Chelsea beamed. “Done.”
“Have you told your mother yet?”
“Not yet.” Chelsea hesitated. “I wanted your blessing first. She’s booked solid with clients today and will be out tonight. I’ll tell her tomorrow morning. Chaz is bringing the keys over tomorrow night.”
“If she has concerns, ask her to call me.”
When she returned home late that afternoon, she stayed in her room until after her mother had left for the evening. She needed more time to think about how to approach the subject with her mother.
- Writer
